The boss and I went to the hospital tonight (we've been going on a regular basis since Dave was admitted on the 20th) and this time we were packing a hot meal.  The food they get in the hospital is total crap!

We took him in a rotisserie chicken roast from the hometown chicken place just down the road.  Now, Dave has always had a huge appetite, ever since I've known and worked with him (4 years now).  He was only able to eat half and by the time he had finished he needed to go back onto oxygen.  We played a little trivial pursuit until I saw he was getting tired.  We had only been there for about 30 - 40 minutes and I could tell he was totally worn out.  We beat a retreat and walked down the 5 flights of stairs in silence.

We are a small company, and us office staff are a very tight knit group of people.  We consider ourselves to be more friends than colleagues and more like a family in the way we treat each other.  We have our moments, but we are very open people.  Nothing was ever solved by sulking so we make the most of our ability to speak.  We spit out our problems with each other at the time and get over it.

I've never been an open person, I've always thought it was a weakness to show emotion, I still do sometimes, but thats a hangover from the big ugly.  My boss is an open book, she says what she feels and shes always been open about her life.  We walked down the 5 flights of stairs to the car park in total silence.  My boss went to ask me something, I told her to shut up.

Thats where we left it.

I have never faced the loss of a loved one.  Dave is someone I genuinely care about, I love him as a friend.  He has confirmed secondary lung cancer and its killing him.  Slowly.

What do I do?  Spark up a ciggie and crank up the metallica in the car.

Go the big tough girl.  She's dying inside.