... or is it a common thing ...

What I'm about to describe is not your average typical thing I have normally blogged about, and I mean, lets be serious, I blog about anything and everything because of the beauty of anonymity.

For the last 6 years I have been working at this job, not the problem.

For the last 6 years I have been working with the same people within the industry, quite an incestuous bunch we are.  Not really the problem.

The problem however lies with one of the guys I have known since I started here.  He doesnt work for us but used to work for our biggest competition, he then branched out, bought his own business in the industry and has now become one of our competitors.

Nice guy,   Not really the problem.

Here IS the problem.  Now I'm not sure if its a common thing for people or for women to do this but I have had a couple of dreams about this guy.   The first one I had was a while ago now and although it left quite an impact, I got over it and moved on.  This time around its really doing my head in.

He's a really nice guy, my age (in fact he's only 2 weeks older than me) his father was my Tech Drawing teacher and a decent fella he was too.  We get on really well, he's very easy on the eye and quite a flirty guy.  I don't go for flirts as it doesnt do a thing for me but he just has this way of ingratiating himself upon you and you can't help but feel drawn to him.

Anyway, I had this dream about him the other night and as with most really good dreams I didnt get to the good part as my psyche made me wake up, I felt ripped off and when Dave tried to cuddle up I pushed him away (which is common if I'm hot).  That happened on Monday morning, it is now Thursday and as always with the end of the month he always calls in when he does a job across from us.  We were having a good chat as per always but in the back of my mind all I could think about was this dream.  My emotions are all over the place and I keep drifting off thinking about him, the dream and what happened after I woke up.  I've reached the point where I day dream as often as I can and I can feel my insides churning because I'm in such a mess.  He and I have always had a very good professional relationship, as I said earlier he is a nice guy, motivated, independant and very successful (all rolled into the 32 year old bundle).  Now I know there is no reciprocation and I am not persuing anything simply because it was just a dream and its all in my head not his, not to mention the blatantly obvious of course, like ... I am in a relationship ... he is married with 2 kids ...  professionalism comes into play (but not as much as it should because its not an ethic I would consider enough to stop me).  But I know for a fact that he has had an affair before (yet again another industry favourite) and to me that makes him more available ... yes I know, stereotyping someone is bad but I don't care .... its my dream not yours! get off my cloud!.

Anyway, I know this will fade, just like it did the last time, but last time, I didn't think about it as much, I forced it out of my head and concentrated on other things, but now, 3 days since the last one, my tits are completely twisted over the whole thing and it makes it that little bit worse that I just spent 2 hours chatting with him.

He is very good to talk to, actually before I decided to leave here I spoke with him for about 4 hours when he called in when the boss was away, he was very sympathetic but I never told him I was leaving.

Shit, sidetracking ... again.

My point is, I know I will get past this (even though I don't really want to) but am I the only one that has episodes like this or is it quite a common thing.  Sometimes a girl just wants to feel flattered (or flattened depending on what ending I give to my dream) and it would be the perfect end to the dream for it to come true (yeah yeah I know but dreams are apparently free).  Yes I'm with Dave, yes he's married but still ... is it wrong to want it ?

I don't love him or want him to leave his wife or anything like that, but I really wouldn't mind stepping off the moral high ground for once and just getting primal with someone I like and quite frankly, does it for me sexually.  Maybe I just want to do something impulsive and naughty to feel alive again like I used to, bring on the wall slamming and the angry eager new sex, the discovery of a new persons anatomy, the sweat, the heaving bodies, the excitement and all that other good stuff about one night stands, Dave and I are like an old couple and thats been suicide for my sex drive, I want excitement and spontanaiety and .... yeah, someone other than what I've got just for a bit of spice ...

Shit, I don't know anymore, sorry If I have thrown most of you off, but this is pretty much who I am ... a dirty with intellect and nowhere to use it.

Seriously I can't be the only one ... can I ?