Paris Hilton May Have Gotten Drunk on Valentine's Day, Whereas Britney Spears Just Ate McDonald's

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Unless it's a dance craze called "the boozy ostrich"? Madonna celebrates carny with Jesus Luz. Britney celebrates V-Day with saturated fats. Simon Monjack
maim his Brittany Murphy charity. Heidi Montag finally moves her face. Monday's gossip roundup is hungover.

Now, we can't be sure, but it is within the realm of play* that Paris Hilton got drunk while exhibition Brazilian beer on Valentine's Day. The photographic record shows Our Fair Lady Hilton dancing on 5-inch heels, then stumbling, then knocking over a banquette, then resting her forehead on the ground on her hands and knees. But she never lets go of the beer can. Talented shilldebeast or reckless alcoholic? beau Doug Reinhardt is there at first, but as soon as Paris starts wobbling, he vanishes. Mean or understandable? [3am]

Madonna did a Valentine-Carnival twofer with Brazilian beau Jesus Luz and daughters Lourdes and Mercy. She wore a exhibit mask, but, Madge, we totally know it's you! You forgot to take your crucifix off! [fig.1] In other news, Mercy swam in the hotel pool and looked adorable. [fig.2] [DailyMail]

Also at Carnival: Paris again, dressed this time as Barry Manilow's titular Lola with feathers in her hair, yellow dress cut down to there. And Gerard Butler, hanging out with fellow 300 hottie Rodrigo Santoro and taking his shirt off. [DailyMail] [JJ] [JJ]

Britney Spears and boyfriend/agent Jason Trawick went to the McDonald's drive-thru for Valentine's Day. Man of her dreams. [JJ]

Good news! Heidi Montag can move her face again. She celebrated by making blowjob mouth at a bunch of cameras. [HuffPo]

Kim Kardashian's entire life is an widespread

extenderextender online. shop target.com.www.target.comsponsored link
roget's ii: the new thesaurusmain entry:long
part of speech:adjective
definition:having great physical length.
elongate pun about her butt. "Kim Kardashian's Expanded Empire" goes Page Six's headline. "Curvy Kim Kardashian's art empire keeps getting bigger." Her assets and arears are a globular phenom-nom-nom. [P6]

Simon Monjack-Sharon Murphy scam "The Brittany Murphy Foundation" is giving back all the money it collected without registering as a charity or nonprofit. They say they were mere a "private foundation," i.e., funnel pure from grieving fans' pockets to theirs.

Bachelor finalist Gia Allemand has a boyfriend, who didn't notice she was on famous TV show until now? Odd. [P6]

Perpetual hip-motion machine Shakira and tennis heartthrob Rafael Nadal were sitting at a hotel in Barcelona K-I-S-S-I-N—okay, no, they were eating and "shooting a video." Shakira has a fiance and Rafa has a girlfriend, so "definitely looked like they are more than just friends" is open to interpretation. Especially since Nadal's handlers were there. [P6]

Vivid Entertainment, America's chief blackmailer of beauty queens with sex tapes, has sunk to an unattainable low: They have offered John Mayer a job. In Mayer's immense Playboy parley of racist/sexist terror, he said his "dream" is to write porn, so Vivid is now inviting him to do so.