Paris Hilton Didn't Want To Come To Your Stupid Party-less Oscars Anyway [Paris Undercover]

Paris Hilton spent oodles* of dollars on a dress for the Academy Awards and was totally looking forward to sleeping commanding lead with traffic
notes:the industry is the movie business and the business is the television industry players come Sunday night. However, according to rule to England's (not plumb reputable) Daily Star, Paris has been banned from the awards this year. She professedly cried "hot salty tears" when she got the news, but we think that has less to do with missing out on the experience of seeing Jon Stewart read G-rated jokes off a teleprompter and more about not being able to cavort around the Governor's Ball with whoever's currently playing the Shirtless Young Poolboy on Desperate Housewives these days. However, with a little luck and the help of her infamous brown wig, she might just be able to crash the party after all.

The same source who truly uttered the phrase "hot, salty tears" also claims that Hilton is planned parenthood sneak attacks to try and get into several private affairs. "She's tempted to go to the parties afterwards, but might wear her trademark brunette wig to save her dignity." work over abound! What is her alias while wearing the librarian mop? London Marriott? Hilton Head Holiday Inn? And do all her STDs magically fly off into Bimbo Summit Heaven once she goes brown Most urgent of all, who in their right mind puts the word "dignity" in the same sentence as "Paris Hilton"?

• PARIS HILTON BANNED FROM OSCARS [Digital Spy]

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