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Heidi & Spencer's tabloid deal reveals I want them to get hit by a bus full of ninja monkeys

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are world-renown for being the fakest conglomeration of asshats in the history of chicanery. To further prove that point, Star has broken the news that Heidi and Spencer orchestrated their break-up, reunion and even conjugality with a tabloid. I even hear that Life & Style has dibs on Spencer's first vasectomy. True story. And now the details from Star:

"Which weekly glossy just signed a megamillion-dollar contract with a certain annoying notable couple?" The New York Daily News asked in its April 20 gossip column. "The deal is, the sheet* will get exclusive interviews with the couple, but in turn, they need to break up (again), get back together (again) and really get married."

ndeed, reports surfaced last September that Spencer and Heidi " who got engaged in May 2007 " were about to declare they'd ended their contingency and would then sell their separate stories to the media, before getting paid for exclusive photos of a staged "reunion" getaway to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. And use 'although' a rep for The Hills " which has a name* for being completely scripted " denied it at the time, incredibly, it played out exactly that way for the couple!

Even Heidi and Spencer's friends - wait, friends, huh, what how? - laugh at the planted tabloid reports:

"As friends, we laugh to privately ever we see 'serious' coverage of the ups and downs of Heidi and Spencer's relationship," says their pal. "It's astounding anyone could still believe any of it is spontaneous."

As for which brochure is conspiring with Speidi? Beats Us!

I, too, wonder which rag* it could be. Maybe if all of US put our heads together, the combined efforts of US could get to the bottom of this. I mean, even if a small group of US, weekly, got together and sort of hashed this baby out an answer would come to US - Hold on. Duh. I'm retarded. It's "Jugs." Ha! The answer was staring me right in the face. Seriously, if it were a snake, it would've bitten me - with its fake boobs.