As the seventh deity of Gornak, It is my duty to make sure that every person swallows at least 3 spiders a year while sleeping, that's over 18 billion spiders a year! This can become a daunting task, even for a deity. Not only do I have to make sure that these people swallow completely the entire spider, but imagine having to breed 18 billion spiders a year!
Sometimes those pesky critters just aren't in the mood, you know? So I end up having to coerce them into intercourse. Spider porn works 85% of the time. The other 15% are those more religious spiders who find spider pornography revolting. I comprise by only making them watch soft-core or R rated sex stuff, early 70's X-rated stuff that seems so tame by today's standards usually works.
Once they procreate a few decide that they don't want to give up their children and this is understandable. Sometimes no matter how much I argue they just will not see my side of it. But a deity’s gotta do what deity’s gotta do. It's much easier just to squash the parents then try and find another willing couple.
They should be proud! Their children are the select few out of all the spiders in the world, chosen for a greater purpose. To be swallowed whole! What an immense and totally life fulfilling feeling it must be!
I use to drop them directly into the mouths of sleeping people, but that got to be too time consuming after modern medicine was invented and the population surged. I used slingshots for awhile, but my accuracy was... Less than 100%. These days I use fear and propaganda to force the spiders into crawling inside open mouths themselves. It's worked out beautifully and I hope to continue this line of work till the end of time.
Ciao!
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