If everyone were controlled by something else, we would be exactly where we're at right now.

Every time a church receives a donation, a demon gets his horns.

If you are mugged, and they kill you, don't take it too personally.

I went into my local Bi-Mart the other day and asked them where the Straight-Mart is.

*Cough cough*

Don't do it.  Don't bother.  Just shoot yourself. It's easier.

Caramel never stood a chance against chocolate.

KIMBERLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you're the surgeon, then operate already!  I don't care where you went to college.  I don't care if you're using a new anesthetic.  Just hurry the fuck up!  I have things to do!

Mmm, that feels great.

If your child is acting up in church or school, or just around the house, have the child come home to find you and your spouse engaged in a satanic blood orgy.  This should cause your child to never act up, or out, or in any other direction again... ever.