While listening moments of surrender by U2, I can't help feeling lost and empty. Look backwards to my life, I have nothing meaningful. Memories were all torn by the wind and the world. If what means to u is nothing, then what the contract means, what your career means?
Once, Yong asked me what pain matters to u,the physical one or the emotional one. I said the physic one, because I can't control it.I wanna get rid of the pain, but it just exists and there's nothing u can do to get rid of it unless u try to replace it by another one. I think it's the original form of every pain. Today, still the same. I know I'm very unhealthy, but if your endurance is far beyond your phisical capability, then what u feel will be enteral pain, which I don't know how to handle at all.
I was punching in the numbers at the ATM machine.I could see in the reflection, a face staring back at me. At the moment of surrender of vision over visiblity I did not notice the passengers-by and they did not notice me.
Who's the man of the face? yourself. So u can't just get accoss it. The man who always stares at u, that's u. Franklin Roosevelt said the fear we fear is the fear itself, which aims to encourage us to accomplish our goals with all our efforts and courages. But what's the logics here? The fear is just the word and the inner emotion of your mind, so you don't be afraid of? Why don't we just be afraid of ourselfves. I'm not afraid of the unknown, the empty, the future. In fact, I'm so curious about them. Then what's the things you afraid? I know who I'm. I can even see my future, and what and who I will be. So, what's the meaningness of your life then? the procedure? if you know your destination, then that doesn't matters any more. Why wastes your time on the things you know will happen in your future? To do the things you don't have any idea of? U have considered every possiblity, don't u?! to do the things unknown? U already know that! paradox...
The air u breathe, the food u eat. U know that and u will know more.Of vision over visibility, if I reach there, even suicide means nothing, or anything. Admit it! what u wanna do is just to feel painful then it means you are real, but whether u r real, does that change your life pattern? pattern... Yes,pattern.
Everything lies before your life, u know the answer or u don't know that. U feel u are slowly getting accoss your feelings, that's the thing you are afraid of. Losing the passion about everything, losing your feeling. The slight hope of light, went away with Muse's song, with the Brible, in which Jesus cried and brought the life back,with the snow melt in the sunshine.
there is a pain inside,that you can't touch,that you can't get to.that's mine. about the passage,honest to say:life is mine,and it is not a lie. i think i am safe here, but now i find myself in a world in which there is no place for me.
that's what I feel now. I don't deny the meaningness of life, I don't think my life is a lie, but gradually I become the one that can't accept myself. What's your place in your own mind? So, after so many years, u think u develop and become the man u wanna be, but u are still the past yourself, which means nothing to u any more. U hate yourself, U deny yourself, but there's nothing u can do. the track u draw before, the picture u were afraid to become， now they all are the truth. But the future? what u can do? still the same, follow the trace, u are becoming the future you. 
S=k*In(omica),nowadays, no S, or S means nothing. Because I see all the S. All the chaos, there.
If chaos are anything but only normal to u, if comsumptions are nothing to your life. Why not in anger? why not endure your life and revolution? Just because u know what the changes will be? all in nice play, whatever they are in competitive fields, or your life. What r the competition to u? Steve Jobs tells us to stay hungray by his story, but they are double-edged swords, whatever the story he told me, I can say another version. So the meaning of the story is to be positive, only positive. Once I think if I'm told to be positive hundreds of times, then I can be postive, can be full of passion about my future. However, I'm numb.
I can't help feeling Buno's voice charming, but u have foreseed the charm before.