Have you ever had a friend who was in the middle of a situation where infidelity was suspected, but nothing could be proven. Were you put in the middle of a situation to catch catch a cheating spouse? Or you were approached by a confidante, someone who trusts you to keep secrets, and you were told about the details after the affair.

If you’re a guy, maybe you were just going for a ride with your friend who doesn’t have a car, or on the way back from a take away, and suddenly he asks you to turn right, and then turn left here, and then, slow down, just keep driving, he says, but slow down. And then you come up to a house that’s a bit of a way from the road, but there’s an open window and a faint light on where there are two figures in shadows moving at that distance, and your buddy’s eyes are now as open as two fried eggs and there might even be some drool coming down his face as he deals with several emotions at once. It’s at that time that you and he need to have a talk.

Part of it will getting him or her to accept that the spouse has been unfaithful, and moving on, whether it be a divorce attorney, or getting ready for moving, or all that can happen once you’ve discovered that your life isn’t what it was supposed to be.

The friend might just be in need of someone who can hear their plight, in their words, with their emotions in a frozen state of rage, despair, confusion, betrayal or relief. You are at best helping as a listener, and if you can, steer emotions away from destructive, self-destructive, harmful nihilistic or self pitying tendencies.

You’ll be going over the story probably with a thousand different variations on the same old theme. Some of the adjectives that are not too kind will also be uttered, the favorite ones resonating with bile and spit to give them a certain glow.

Someone is caught in the act of betrayal, and you, having known both sides, are asked to take one side or the other. Avoiding getting involved on any level deeper than confidante is not advised; but if you do so, don’t do a half-assed job of it. If you’re in, you’ll be in until after the affair, and after the divorce.

All of this snooping around will probably lead to internet obsession takes the form of possessiveness, where the wronged party starts looking for the other person on websites, evidence of something awry in emails, postings on forums that may reveal something about their identity, changes in their Facebook profiles and so on. This is where you might be best to keep your distance, because it’s getting dangerously close to stalking.

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