The stages of the disintegration of a relationship are similar to the stages of grief. There’s the initial state of love, trust, friendship and all the good things that come with the pairing with another person. Then there are the ghosts of the past that come into the mix, some being yours and some being your partner’s, and they cast into question the idea that everything was going to change when you united with the other. Then comes the moment where you both have to decide if this kind of thing that makes you give up or hunker down and do the hard work to keep the relationship going.

Finally, the signs start to make you suspicious and you start stalking your formerly best buddy in order to find out that you’ve been betrayed. This is an action that signifies distrust and it can go two ways: either you will find out that she or he has not been unfaithful and you wind up looking like a stalker and losing his or her trust, or you will wind up finding evidence, you will catch a cheating spouse and all of a sudden it’s an entirely new ballgame.

After you’ve had the explosion or dissolution or whatever manner the fissure between you and your partner takes, you will then have to look around you and after the affair think about what can be done differently to make sure that you’ll never be in this kind of situation ever again.

As you become a couple, there will be habits that both of you will have to let go, some because they’re just bad habits, and some because they just don’t fit into a stable relationship of two people. This could be one person thinking they have dominion over the other in certain decisions. Just because one is a brain surgeon doesn’t mean they have the right to decide what the other brain is thinking.

Spyware and all sorts of computer innovation has made discreet information gathering both cheap and easy. But the price you pay for this kind of spyware is either betrayal or guilt. Betrayal if you find evidence that the person has been doing something you don’t approve of behind your back, or guilt if this proves nothing other than you being both suspicious and underhanded. If you get to the point where you’re checking the other person’s cell phone for text messages that would hint towards something wrong, you’ve decided that the trust level is low enough to justify that action. If the trust level is indeed that low, the real question for you is whether you want to continue with this relationship at all, because a relationship without trust is one which only casts a shadow on every gesture. Nobody likes to live that way.

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