As some of you would know I had a person in my life toward the beginning of this year that I really truly cared for and loved.

My beautiful disaster of a man, and what a disaster he is and causes.

I've wanted for quite some time for him to be part of my life again, not necessarily my boyfriend or anything. Just a friend.

I tried everything to get him to be my friend again and all I got was abuse and leave me alone and so eventually I started to give up. When I finally had come to the conclusion that there was no way either of us would ever really be able to put the past behind us and that we were both better off the way we were now anyway he finally decides he wants me to be a part of his life again. I got an email from him saying " lets put this behind us        mates? " I replied sure why not but now I'm a bit like what the? and really confused about what to think or feel. Dan is being extremely supportive of me. I feel really bad about it because he really likes me and he knows that this could quite possibly break me. Not only does he like me he cares about me and would go to the end of the earth for me if he had to- hes a genuine great guy but hes not morgan and I guess I love dan in a way just not the same way as I love morgan (damn it do I still love him after everything thats happened after all these months?)

I'm so confused right now as you can probably tell.

Dan is perfect, he's safe, he's kind, caring, sweet, fun.

Morgan's dangerous, anoying, frustrating, fun, sweet at times, a dumb arse(not his fault- drugs), forgetful, beautiful, a mess.

Dan would look after me make sure that I'm ok always, make sure that I was safe and didnt do stupid things, make sure that my life was a good, safe, no trouble one.

Morgan would turn everything upside down, create a mess, destroy everything I've worked on this year, lie, and make sure my life was a complete and utter fully packed disaster- not intentionally of course.

now all i have to do is choose