omg..i cant belive wats happenin in my life this past few days..everything seems to be confusing..here how it goes:

at home~my mother seems to be not concerned in me anymore<coz i know im being spoilt again,but god knowws i just need some attention>..and as always,im feelin so upset ,ofcourse with everything that is happenin in me..life is doomed!!ohh men,wat am i gonna do??,while at school:,i didnt go to school today becoz of the fact that i hate my mom..she oweiz tell me wat to do,but dont u worry this wont affect my studies,u knoww what?im rank 3 in school?i dunno how did that happen..i promise i didnt do anything..maybe bcoz teachers thought im studying hard..well some times i get to have high scores in exams,quizes,recitation,homework,etc..but hey,i was absent for two wks remember??bcoz of laziness and diziness and i think my anemia is getting worse..as for my mom again,shes still makin my life under her control..as if she cares,and i just hate that..,well to tell u frankly dear blog,im happy being w/ her but sometimes..just like wat my sister said:we cant take living w/ my mom..shes so corny and judgemental..but ilove her..and i think thats wat matters most..i love her but sometimes i just want to tell her that shes more stupid than i am..she smokes terribly and i hate it wen shes like that..shes also very proud of me,she thinks i have big potential in the future,and wat pisses me off is she tell everyone wat im tellin her..im being honest wit her with everthing i do,my infatuations,crushes,who i talk to,and shes very proud of that..she tell people about my korean friend who she thought i fell in love wit,and also my malaysian intelligent friend <name starts with letter I>,and my friend in stockton california,and my friend from singapore,denmark,indonesia,uk,some muslims,and even a friend of mine in laguna and lots,and lots and lots..hey,u think im proud of this??hell no..i just accept friendship from other parts of the world so that i will have someone to talk to,someone hu i can share my life expriences with,hu i can share my sad emotions,my doubts,my happiness..hoping to find someone hu can really understands me..dear blog,thanks for listening..coz sumtymz i just want to sleep and never to wake up again..give up:dont wanna wake up again..i dunno wer to turn to in times like this..im a stupid girl..a disaster made to be..im the girl who they think intelligent:bcoz i pretend to be..thats the truth..im pretending i know everything..pretending to know something..pretending to be strong and confident eventhough i aint not..mom cant help me..no one could..no one seems to understand me..thats why i made this blog coz i know the replica of me is the only thing that can understand me,to listen in my doomed feelings..god!!i dunno if i can still take this..if only i cud turn back the hands of time dear blog..i wont allow my father to go..im still dreading apart bcoz of the fact that hes not here w/ us..and as the time passes by,everything became:worse,worse and worst..omg..i dunno how to react nor how to state wat i feel..all i knoww is ~the pain beneath my heart is killing me,tearing me apart..and why is it like this??i want to cry..,but d other side of me said:only loosers cry in writing their blog/diary..but hell i am..im an emotional freak..hiding my loneliness in a smiling confident face..my friends,collegues,,known me as a happy funny person..but deep inside i aint not..i oweiz make mistakes and i hate people hu underestimate me,,hate it being like this..y cant they just accept me of hu i am and what im used to be??..they always critic me...even my friends..sometimes i just dont know hu is true and hu is not..i have lots of insecurities..lots of expectations..i have lots of wants and likes that i cant even get....but i know,lifes like this..i shud just let it flow..and once again,i will accept the world i am into..accept the challenges in life that i encounter..i will keep on fighting,i will live my life to the fullest as if i dont have any problems..i will regret the invitation of temptation and change it with being religious instead..mark my word blog..i will come back in this page and i will tell u someday that i am successfull and fulfilled with my life..everything will be fine soon..i know..just hang on there..listen to me..i would be glad by that..so till next time..

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