I met a funny korean man at the club last night. It was my second time meeting him. Well, the first time didn't go so well but we sure hit it off perfectly last night. After having too many 'Tornados', he decided that i am beautiful!

Kept forcing him to drink cause i certainly look better when he's drunk. One thing that i'm drawn to him was his honesty. Korean said "Fist time, i saw you, you are fat but now you look better"... I laughed cause that is the most honest thing a man ever said to me. We left the club at 3 with me drunk and ready to hit the sack. "Sarah, i'm hungry", he said. "Ok, let's have some nice meal", i suggested and told the taxi driver to take us to Newton Circus. "Juice, mineral water, beer?", asked the guy in red shirt. "Ah.."

"Two bottles beer", Korean ordered. "Two?", i asked amusingly. "Don't worry, i send you home", he stroked my back.

After indulging with the spicy stingray and tiger prawns together with beers, i felt really sick and decided it is time to go home! He did sent me home right up to my bedroom. I told him to be very quiet. He didn't want to stay but he told me to sleep. It felt weird cause he was just standing there and looked while i get undressed and closed my eyes.

I got up, with no Korean in sight. I decided to call him and asked about what he did last night in my bedroom.

His reply: It's culture that i left you safe and sound.

Can't life get anymore interesting!!! Hmmmmm

After a week of dating strangers, i've decided to go back to work. It's been great but i do not see myself dating strangers any longer. Rebound week  is over. I'm single again and Aries will be a father soon. I wish him happiness.. Just don't feel like being nice or hear from him again.

According to my friends, it's fine for me to stay away from him.

I'm contemplating on changing my mobile number but there's too many people who knows my current number. Will have to sleep on it and really consider on my next step. I don't think it's healthy for Aries to call me even once a year.

As the song goes, another step that i take, is another mistake for you.. a little more of me, a little less of you. Who do i need when i come undone?

Only i can help myself. No amount of shoes or prozac is gonna mend my broken heart. So i'm gonna do it my way..

It's not gonna be easy but it's worth a try. Had spoken to Bag this morning and he decided to give me a few months to really consider my options before i Europe with him. I know it sounds silly but i think after all this time, he still wants me back. The man who can't commit, taking a big step on giving me a new life and a chance to broaden my horizon then to get stuck on a tiny island where i'm surrounded by scandals and people who hurt me deliberately.

I'm under pressure of walking even in my running shoes. Merlot do not taste that good anymore and  cigarettes is just an addiction.

Yes, people, i am depressed. Everything happened too quick and who is actually at fault?

I can no longer put the blame on other people just to make myself feel better. No strength to live yet too afraid to die.

I wish that i am in a bad dream but this is real and i have to face up to it. Words come easy but actions are a harder to do. If my life is a movie, i'll pack my suitcase full of regrets and get on a jet plane but this is reality. Surprisingly, it scared the shit out of me!

I do not wish for anyone to be in my shoes right now. 

It's a beautiful Sunday morning. I got up, feeling beautiful. I put on a white dress,  went to get my hair done at treat myself to a nice brunch at Mezzanine. "Any reservations, Ma'am?", aked the girl counter girl. "Nope. Table for one, please", i replied. "Certainly, this way please", she ushered me to my table. A couple of minutes later, my white wine arrived and as i was sipping my wine, i saw Playboy sitting from across the table with a bunch of people. He raised his glass and toasted to me from a distance. I smiled. Then he walked up to me. "Dear Sarah, how could you abandon me on a Saturday night?", he teased me. "Well, i don't feel like answering my phone yesterday", i replied with the biggest smile. "You all alone?", he asked with a curious look. "Yup, just me", i replied. "Oh, come and join us", he suggested. "I think i'm ok with myself", i stroked his hand. "Ok then. Enjoy brunch", he walked away and turn to look at me with the most seductive look. 'Men!!' i thought to myself.  They just love things that are unattainable.

After enjoying my meal, i asked for the bill. "It's been paid for, Ma'am. Compliments from that gentleman", said the waiter pointing to Aries. I got a shock of my life!

That arsehole was sitting a few tables behind me. How could i not see him? I walked up to him and put some money on his table without even thanking him. "Zara, don't do this", he pulled my hand. "You remember..", he asked while showing his friends to me. "Of course i do. Your stupefying friends, how can i forget?", i replied sarcastically. All of his friends turned red. "Don't do this", he whispered angrily. "Let go of me", i raised my voice. When he did, i grabbed his glass of champagne and threw it on his face. "Don't you ever, ever acknowledge me anymore. In fact, forget you know me", i walked away in style. Hoe does it feel? FABULOUS...

Playboy ran after me. "Sarah, wait up!", he shouted.  I turned around. "Hoo, what was that all about?", he asked with hands in the air. "My past and f.y.i, i really need to take it slow so i'll speak to you soon", i replied with a heavy heart. "Let me put you in a cab at least", he said. "Nah, i think i'm going shopping", i kissed him on the cheek.

I walked to Far East and spent an obscene amount buying shoes. That  took off the heat for a while!

I am so numb after  my misfortune. I am so tired of living up to people's expectations. When i was young, i endured typical asian parental upbringing and now i have to endure what men expects of me. Whatever happened to the saying "A woman expects a man to change, A man expects a woman to never change"

How true is that? Never happen to me. M told me about the men i've been dating. It seems that all of them like me one way or another and i tend to create this strong chemistry whenever i'm with them. Only problem: They can never accept me for who i am. They always want to change me, only god knows why. 

I've done the girl relationship and look how well it goes. I am aware that i'm not perfect and sometimes i burped during dates but doesn't that mean being comfortable with my partner? It seems  that the world doesn't think so. My say: I no longer give a damn!

Playboy called me thrice and i didn't answer. Then came a text message 'I called. U busy? Call me'

I didn't reply to that as well. His second text message 'Have i done something wrong?'

I love it when a man gets needy. Why should i let him have the easy way? I have been too easy with most men.

PAYBACK TIME

Nothing beats spending friday night with Playboy. It was my first time meeting him and we had a lavish seafood dinner. After a bottle of wine, i  was playing my cards right. I was acting like a shy, naive girl next door! It worked cause i noticed his eyes roving all over my body but i acted very cool.  The whole night, never once, i lit my cigarette. The whole idea is to be demure...

He drives a BMW sports car and i held his hands while he drove me home. Early night? Yup! Told him "I really love to spend more time with you but i have to go for biking in the morning".. His reply "I truly understand. Let me send you home" 

In less than five hours, i did most of the listening and i knew that he has been lying through his teeth. He claimed that he almost marry two of his ex girlfriends but it appears that they cheated on him. Liar! Big lie! The truth was, his penis was even busier than the stock market. Evidence: 8 out of 10 of my girlfriends shagged him, 2 had their hearts broken and the rest is history. My job: Give him what he deserve

Upon arrival at my place, he tried to kiss me but i kissed him on the cheek instead. "I had a wonderful time", i stroked his hair. "You free on Sunday?", he asked with a very confident tone of me saying Yes. "I made plans already but i might be available next week", i smiled. "Alrighty, i'll call you later", he said. "Sure", i let myself out from his car.

I'm sure he'll call me tomorrow but i'll not answer it. So it'll appear that i'm not so eager and he'll chase after me even harder.

Amazing what i'm about to do!!!

After five nights of dating, i'm gonna take a break this weekend.

I was at Senso with the C.E.O and the night passed like magic. He's technically single (separated), very successful and has a very dry sense of humour which i find very entertaining. I'm telling you ladies... Successful men are very good in handling women!

I was dressed in Gucci and Jimmy Choos (waited a lifetime to put them on) and when we are walking slowly, he decided that we have a glass of wine at his apartment. Another mistake!

I obliged. What have i to lose? Men are just dildos except they are not battery operated.

"Lordy!! This is amazing!", i praised. "It's nothing much, wait till you see the balcony", he held my waist. The balcony is amazing. He poured me a glass of red wine and offered me a cigar. "Nah, i'm ok with my cigarettes", i smiled. We talked about everything. His interest, job and future plans. Me, on the other hand, just wants to fuck him and get out of there. No matter how i tried to seduce him, he doesn't seemed to be making any moves. Finally, i went closer to him and tried to kiss him but he moved away. "What is wrong?", i asked. "Don't you like me?"    "Sarah, i like you but i need to know you better. I'm a sensitive man and i like you", he claimed.  "So kiss me", i whispered and tried to undress him. "Not today. Let's do dinner tomorrow. How about that?", he suggested while pushing me away.  I got up and tried to leave. "Please stay", he begged. "I'm sorry but i do not have time for this romance bullshit! I am done with L.O.V.E or whatever you people call it. Ok, goodbye", i walked out of the door.

What the hell this guy wants from me, huh? Romance, romantic dinner? BULLSHIT!

Men are just for one dinner and one night of fucking, that's all.

I am meeting Playboy for dinner tonight. I'm gonna pretend to be innocent and naive.

When i started writing blogs, i had never disclose anything to anyone. It's the people who went searching for it and started reading it religiously. Today, after going through the phase in my life, i received calls from some and telling me what i'm doing to myself is wrong! I never knew that i have to seek permission from others. It's my fucking life and i shall run it as i deemed fit.

I do not need opinions from any male, female or motherfucking arseholes. Pease do not call me and tell me what's wrong or right.

I call the shots in my life and not these arseholes, unless these son of bitches are fucking DIABETICS!

Who doesn't go for one night stands?

I know i did for the first time last night. So what's the huge fucking deal?

This transformation is a huge deal for me as well so don't make it harder. As long as i'm not fucking anything with four legs and a tail, i think anything is fuckable.

So friends who has my number, fucking stay out of my blog and delete my number if you think i'm becoming someone unbearable.

Gentle reminder: FUCK OFF

God had answered my prayer at last. After meeting two bricks, i finally meet a good looking man. His name is Lawyer. Tall, blonde, greenish watery eyes and extremely sexy. The dinner started out with lots of laughter and it leads to drinks. Surprisingly, he brought me to a karaoke pub. Then he picked a song and he started singing.  Impressive! It's as though he's singing my loneliness and chasing my blues away. It was the best night of the week, only he made one mistake.

'He invited me to his apartment'..

It was a typical bachelor pad but very neat and clean. We kissed and the sex was so wild that i suffered bruises all over. I liked it though. Only one problem, he had given me everything and i do no longer find excitement in him anymore.

"I like you", he cuddled me. "Honey, this is just sex", i smiled. "Can i see you again?", he asked with puppy eye. "Sure, call me", i lied. I didn't even want to spend the night. My interest towards him has went down to 3 points.

This afternoon, i received 3 sms from him. Get over it, honey!

You can kiss my name goodbye cause i'll no longer see you!

Tonight's agenda is friendly drinks with the C.E.O

I have a date tonight and i was feeling restless. Had a glass of wine and watched porns. Before i knew it, i was having sex with myself! I'm sick of being sexless. I am a young, beautiful and undesirable woman. Sexless is not on my agenda. No wonder i've been putting on the pounds despite the fact i've walked thirty minutes everyday.

I have to look at my best again. No more flabs and big fat thighs!

I've done a lot of thinking. Since i'm fully booked this whole week meeting A list men, might as well make use of them and dump them after i'm satisfied. But first, i'l have to get myself checked first.

First rule: No kissing passionately (The last time i shut my eyes while kissing, i turned into this woman i don't recognise)

Second rule: No going down on me or on them (Men are carrier, i wondr what they carry on their tongues)

Third rule: No last names (Under no circumstances, these men are going to hunt me down)

Tonight my date is a German, 39 years old and he's a lawyer.

I'll bring condoms in my wallet. (I always had a thing for Germans) 

I put on a red dress today and i had my hair curled up. My date today is called Golfer. He's late thirties, married twice and sense of humour of zero!

We had lunch at Halia and he was dressed in  a suit under the hot sun. I had a glass of white wine and he had water cause he have to go to work after lunch.

So after a long and dreaded lunch, we took a walk at the Botanical gardens. The view is much better than looking at a humourless man. "So tell me something about yourself that i need to know?", he grinned. "Well, i just signed my divorce papers and i am only going to date A list men from now on", i replied with a straight face yet again.

"Good lord! The girl has taste", he praised me. "Well, it's nice seeing you and thank you for the nice garden lunch", i handed out my hand. "So what are you doing weekends?", he asked "Well, i am saving my weekend for another A list man", i smiled. "Don't i deserve a second chance?", he pleaded. "I'm not sure if i can hang around you for more than a few hours. I'm sorry but i think you're boring and you'll be the cause of my future mental diseases", i told him off.

After two days of dating so called A men, i realised, they are single for one reason. I thought they have it all but all they have are huge salary and boring intellectual conversations. You should see Golfer's face when i lit up my fag. He goes like "Ooh, i never know you smoke"  "Is that a problem?"  "You just don't look like a smoker!"

Wake up A list men!!!

Money buys you hooker but not hearts.

I'm meeting another boring brick tomorrow for dinner.

Da Paolo will be a good place to dine, in case he turns out to be  a bore, at least i'll have nice food.

I painted my nails and did my hair on my own today. The whole idea is to look as natural as possible. Didn't want to look that i'm trying too hard.

Millionaire of the day is called Diver. He's middle aged, possessed a beer belly and  a mediterannean hair problem. If only he looks better!

Well, we had dinner at Blu. The food is amazing and wine is fabulous. If only i am dining alone without him...

"I tried so many ways to meet woman and i do go out on dates but all of them are just after my money", Diver boasted. "Well, you should try harder then", i replied as i was getting bored. "So, what are you expecting from me in the near future?", he asked with a smirk on his face. "Honestly, i'm not sure if there's gonna be a near future. Come on, this is nice but there's no spark between us", i said with a straight face. "Ouch!", he smiled. "More drinks?", he offered. "Nah, i think i'm gonna call it a night", i took out my purse to pay for my share. "No, please. It's on me", he  stopped me. 

While we were waiting for his driver, he suggested lunch tomorrow. I smiled but it doesn't meant that i agreed. I just can't wait to get the hell out!

Jeez!! Three hours of dinner seemed forever to end.

I'm so glad that it's all over. Another day tomorrow!!

I'm meeting Tuesday man tomorrow for lunch... I'm keeping my fingers crossed

Hi Starrsilvermoon, the bible that i have reading religously is 'The Art of Seduction' authored by Robert Greene.

It mainly wrote about real people like Cleopatra to even Marilyn Monroe. It's a must read!

Another bible that i studied is 'Why Men Marry Bitches'.. I'm not sure about the author cause i passed on the book to a needy girlfriend.  The author wrote another title 'Why Men love Bitches'

Go check it out these bibles...

Read it, study it

Please do not forget to really do a test oh the theory.

Experiment, life is all about having fun (Trial and error)

I have learn all the tricks in the book and now i am finding the right victim

Aries called and gave me a piece of his mind. Apparently, he's become a fan of my blog and he didn't like what i wrote today.

My reply: It's my blog and it's my life so there's no such thing as right or wrong!

Honestly, i think what hurts him most is the idea of me going back to dating more successful man instead of hanging around with a loser like him. What can i say? He's not good enough for me and i deserve so much better than that.

In months to come, my life will be a blur of rich men and hot parties while Aries will only be a dad!

In a couple of days, i'll be single again and free to date whoever i want while Aries will just be accepting burden that he brought upon himself. As  a wise person ever quoted: Revenge is a dish best served cold, i'll say living well is the best thing that could ever happen to me and i will live much better.

I'll dine at the best restaurants and i'll date A list men, nothing less.

I am sick of dating the same type of men and i broke the pattern last night.

I dated a single, middle aged and very successful man. We had nice romantic dinner and we head to Bar 84. He was much older than i am but it's just the way he treated me. It's been a while since a man opened doors for me.  He insists on paying on everything and i was treated like a princess. We had a good laugh and the night passed like magic.

Today, he invited me out for dinner again and i said 'yes' to him. I discussed with some ladies and most of them agreed with me dating  millionaires. Who really cares about them being old and grumpy?

They are some young millionaires but usually, they are players themselves. I want to be a socialite and attend the best parties life has to offer. It's been a while since i step foot in the nightclub.

Depressed? I'm not really sure, actually.

What i know is... i have to stop whining and start living, just like everyone else.

Am i turning into a slut?

It's better to be a millionaire's pet than to hang around with losers and get my heart broken at the end of the day.

I started reading my bible called 'Art of Seduction'

These millionaires will have no prayer!!

Okay, Aries finally set the date.

Me, on the other hand, have been practising a new signature. It will be a signature i'll never use again.

I  will get a new dress and a pair of shoes which i'll never wear again.

A millionaire will escort me to sign the papers and he will be someone i'll never see again!

I've never wished to be married and now i am signing my divorce papers, something which i'll never do again..

The divorce  will be a day i'll never recall again.

Once everything is settled, it will never be mention again.

A new life is waiting and i can't wait to reach the light.

Strength is all i have right now. No tears will ever fall for Aries. Not one drop, i promise.

Apparently, all my friends are dying to go out with me. Some claimed that i must quickly get into a relationship so i'll get over Aries as soon as possible. I am over him. I have Cabernet and Marlboro to accompany me. I even walked back from work last night!

Success, i must say...

I am going to walk back everynight from work from now on. Am gonna talk to soem professionals and see how i can take my business to a new level. I'll prove to people that i am so much better since they looked upon me as the drunk and always dependant of men.. Well, only time will prove that i am much better than that!

I must do something about my smoking and alcohol addiction. That's what stopping me from losing weight fast.

I must lose as much weight and look better when i sign the papers. Also being accompanied by a self made millionaire won't do any harm. I must prove to that scumbag Aries that i maybe barren but i am capable to bag anything i want!

Message to Aries: Please get the papers ready as soon as possible! Am looking forward to be single and free again. I don't really care for babies. You can go to hell!!!

I woke up today and decided that i should upgrade myself. Instead of just being a beauty, i should input in more brains as well. That'll include enrolling myself in classes.

I'm internet savvy but i have long forgotten about other skills which i learnt when i was young. A computer class will be good and i should go for personal make-up course as well since i like beautifying myself sometimes. Good then!

Tomorrow i will start calling some numbers and start my new life.

Things i want to achieve

a) cut down on smoking

b) exercise

c) stop eating supper

d) start enrolling in classes

e) forget about Aries

f) travel with Bag

Despite the fact Aries and i came home wee hours, however we still managed to go to Bintan on the 9am ferry. On our way there, Aries refused to let me have any alcoholic drinks. "It's 9 am in the morning, Orang", he said. "Ok whatever", i closed my eyes. "You should read more books or pick up some skills. Anyway i like your spectacles", he teased me. Upon arrival, i can't wait to arrive at the resort. Was looking forward to drink 'Nirwana Illusion' cocktail!

"Check in time is at 3, Sir", said the reception. "No biggie, Orang. We'll change and hang out at the beach", i smiled. So we did hang out by the beach. Aries threw water at me while we were in the beautiful water. Everything seemed perfect until i had one too many cocktails.

During lunch, i started crying. "I can't handle the mess we're in right now. No marriage is perfect but this is insane", i cried. Aries was worried at my reaction. "Sarah, i'm sorry. What do you want me to do?", he asked. "I think when we get back, we should just call it quits", i suggested. "I don't want to fight anymore. If that's what you want, i will let you go but we will remain best of friends and we go for dinner at least twice a month", he replied sadly.

It is finally over, surprisingly. Throughout the trip, he was still protective over me and stopping me from drinking. "You know something, you drink beer like a strong man", he teased me during dinner. "Shut up Aries, i never get to enjoy beer without any comments from you!", i said giggled.

In the chalet, it was awkward cause for the first time, we didn't cuddle. I didn't sleep well and he was getting up a couple of times as well.

Today, i'm finally back from the trip and back in my own bedroom! I will try to get over him and start living...

Watch out Boys!!! I'll be painting the town red again

I've been taught 'Appreciate what you have, fight for what you want, leave what is impossible to keep'

Right now, i have my friends and i usually walk a distance to catch a glimpse even for a lonely star in the sky. By Monday, i will leave anything that's impossible to keep!

Honestly, Aries is nothing but trouble. I have always trusted him and in my mind, never a day he cheated on me. You know what, i was fucking WRONG!!!

I'll give him another chance as promised but by Monday, i will decide whether this arsehole is staying in my life or not!

No more bullshit about him running around attending to the pregnant slut or tolerating him coming back wee hours in the morning!

I've absolutely had enough, PEOPLE!!!

Men and their little lies??? No longer in my dictionary!

Denial? I will only deny my sickness not my man fucking lying.

I shall stick to what i've been told...

Leave the men when they cheat or hit!

I attended to a potluck party with Aries. I made chicken curry and brought a bottle of wine. Aries didn't say a word on our way there. As for me, i didn't know what to expect as well.  As soon as i arrived, i saw many unfamiliar faces but i was welcomed with both hands. Then we started to get settled and before we know it, we were actually involved in a real conversation. All of us talked from religion, politics and even battle of the sexes. It was great!

I never knew Aries was a people person. He never was interested to know about my friends and i just hated his goddamn so call expats friends also known as second class citizens. I saw a side of him i never knew.

For once, i saw a hidden side of him. We ate and drank as though there was no tomorrow. Never once, i announce that we are married. Everyone thought that we are still dating. Today was the first time time, i actually saw Aries listening.

On our way home, i felt that i should give him a second chance.

He's asleeep now and i am enjoying the stars in the sky.

Why do i get fascinated by the stars?

Cause no matter how many times i tried to count it, i'll always lost count. Unlike men!