I had difficulty waking up as i onle slept at 5 in the morning. Aries was extremely nice to me today. His mobile was still off since last night. "Good morning, my lovely wife", he greeted me. "Here's your goat milk", he offered me a glass. "Moin' moin", i smiled. "What shall we do today?", he asked. "I have a potluck party to attend later in the evening. You can come if you have no prior engagement", i replied. "No, i love to come. I think it's best that we behave like married couple from now on", he kissed me my forehead. I checked my mobile and i saw many text messages from Bag and Banker! How am i supposed to respond to them?

I did what many married woman would do. I switched off my phone :-)

Aries played the saxophone while i sat and enjoyed my milk. It's just too perfect. The whole thing is like being chereographed.

I dared not asked on what's gotten into him today. Is everything gonna be alright now?

Well, i'm just gonna enjoy the moment while it lasts cause another time he hurts me or treat me badly, 'It's Bye Bye Baby!'

I'm gonna fly to Europe and Aries will never hear or see my pretty face again.

I didn't go out today and surprisingly Aries didn't leave the house too. In fact, his phone was switched off and he even had the landline number changed.

I cooked dinner and we watched television. Not once he asked on my whereabouts for the past few days. Bag kept on calling me but my phone was on silent and Banker is going bonkers with his sms-es to me. It was a quiet night and Aries hugged me the whole time we were lazing on the sofa.

After  watching too many movies, i decided to call it a night. Aries slept like a baby.

I'm aware his change today is only temporary. I can guarantee that after our trip to Bintan, he'll run like a dog whenever that woman calls again.

All i can do is whine to you readers out there! Or i can actually run to Bag in Europe....

Hmmmmmm, whine or run?

I kinda like my situation right now. The few days break from Aries and work had really calmed me .

I love Fridays but today, it's kinda freaky. Anyway, it's American's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HOT AMERICAN!!!!!

I'd like to send you a text message but i do not recall your mobile number. So good luck!

Rocky came back early today. Brought back lots of perfumes and i get to pick first, then the remaining will be given to his girlfriend. Ha!!

"Thank you for putting me up, Rocky. I will go back home today", i thanked him. "Where are you going?", he asked. "Back home, of course", i said.

"Back to Aries?", he looked confused. "Rocky, i'm married to him and i should settle my problem with him as soon as possible", i replied calmly. "Does Bag know about this?", he looked rather confused. "I'll inform him later once i'm home", i smiled. "I think you should not go back. I'm worried", Rocky insisted. "I'll be fine, i promise", i assured him.

When i arrived at Aries' place, everything wa a mess. The kitchen was full of glasses and empty wine bottles. Living room looked as though it was burgled and i don't even want to mention the bedroom! 'This is life!' i thought to myself as i started to clean the place up. After the place looked like a home again, i saw a piece of paper sitting on the coffee table. It was a confirmation of a room booked in Bintan and my name was on it too.

I like Bintan!

I called Aries and spoke calmly to him. "Zara, i'm sorry for what i did last time. I'm a freak and an asshole", he apologised. "Are we going to Bintan?", i shrieked. "Ya, i think it will be nice", he replied sounding very nervous. "Oh goody!! It'd be a wonderful weekend, Orang", i said excitedly. Before i ended the call, "I love you Zara"

"Bye Orang", i hang up.

This is freaky! A few days ago, i was so mad at him and today, i felt that i want him back!

Lordy, lordy, lordy

Treat me badly once, shame on you

Treat me badly twice, shame on me!

That wasn't the exact saying but that was my saying to myself after deciding that Banker deserves a second chance.

So i sneaked out again to meet him for dinner today. We had a bottle of wine and i had breaded mushroom. He talked about his sexual experiences and i told him about my fantasy. "I want to watch a couple having sex while i sit on the sofa enjoying my wine", i said. "It can be done! Will you be playing with yourself when that happen?", he asked. "Not sure, i might", i smiled. One conversation leads to another and i realised that i need a cigarette. "Ok, this is getting hot!", i giggled. Banker tried to kiss me but i avoided him. "I need to tell you something", i looked into his eyes. "I'm married". "Woo, i don't see that coming", he started to panic. "I'm lonely though", i continued. "Sarah, i like you. So tell me, what do you want from me?", he asked. My evil thoughts suddenly grew. 'I want a house, i want your big fat pay check and i want everything'

Being so lost in my thoughts, i decided to breathe and said to him "Company, i need your company. I'm very confortable being around you". Surprisingly, as soon as the words came out from my mouth, i really mean it. There's a gap in me and it's called loneliness.

"I'm honoured. I will be your friend. Let me know if you wanna have sexual relations too", he joked.

"Right!!", i laughed. We ended the night early as i have to rush back to Rocky's place.

"Sleep well", i kissed him on the cheek.

As soon as i arrived back at Rocky's place, the maid panicked. "Mr Bag called three times earlier", she said in a frightened voice. "And?", i raised my eyebrow. "I said you are sleeping. He wants you to call back as soon as you get up", she replied.  I checked my mobile and Bag did called me. A total of fifteen missed calls. Four from Bag and the rest from Aries! Men! They just can't leave me alone.

"Sorry Bag, i was sleeping", i lied on my first sentence. "Really? You don't usually sleep in the evenings", he tried to interrogate me. "I was tired, am still trying to get used to the surroundings here", i lied again in a shaky voice. "Ok, just wanna make sure that you're safe and sound. I'm frustrated over here!", Bag claimed. "Is everything alright?", i asked. "After talking to you, i feel fucking fantastic!", he laughed. "Ahh, good to know!", i giggled while playing with my hair.  "Miss you Kiddo".. "I miss you too, Bag".

I am officially an alcoholic and man-nizer. I'm totally screwed and who is to blame?

I finally bribed the guard to let me go out for a while. At the very last minute, i finally said 'Yes' to Banker. So i rushed to get my hair done and i looked like a million dollars when i arrived in his office. "Good evening, i'm here to meet Banker", i told the receptionist. She brought me to a room and the view is fantastic! The office is located on the 30th storey and i can see the whole of Singapore from up here.  "Hello Beautiful... You look Wow!", Banker hugged me. "Let me show you around", he held my waist. "I've always thought that office job is boring but your office is amazing!", i appraised him. Banker  showed me around and all his colleagues smiled as i walked around the office. It's like i'm walking in a five star revolving restaurant. It's just amazing...

"Now i have to clean up my desk and do you mind waiting for five minutes?", Banker asked. I sat at the reception area and made small talks with the friendly receptionist. "Thank you for waiting. You game for some Martini?", Banker asked. "Sounds good", i replied. When we arrived at Morton's bar, he looked at me in the eye and prepositioned me. "Don't take what i'm going to say the wrong way. My company is looking for a receptionist and i think you have got what it takes. Chirpy voice, proper pronounciation and you look good as well. All you have to do is answer some phone calls and make tea or sometimes serve champagne to our investors", he said. "I'm very happy with what i'm doing. I don't think i'm a 9 to 5 person", i replied. "It'd be nice if you work in the day. At least you can have more social life in the evening", he smiled. "I have a life and that doesn't include picking up calls and making coffee", i laughed. I think he's ridiculous. "How about being a P.A? It's a good job", he said persistently. "Banker, what is this all about?", i started to get curious. "I want to see you more often and it's so hard cause we worked different timing. Was just trying to help", he said calmly. "I'm not sure if i want to see you on a regular basis. I have to go. Thanks for the drinks", i stood up. "Sarah, please. Hear me out", he grabbed my hands. "I like you and i want to know you better", he claimed. I pushed his hands. "Happy Valentine's", i smiled and walked down the stairs.

'What was that all about?' i thought to myself. Why can't people just accept me as i am?

They always want to change me. It's either my dressing or my fucking job!

Why do they even like me in the first place?

Is it because i'm fuckable and changeable at the same time?

I went back to Rocky's place and sat by the pool. Looked at all the flowers sent by Bag. Surprisingly, i kinda like roses!!

Valentine's jitters... nothing but piece of crap!

Happy Valentine's Day!!!!

I woke up with countless flowers at my golden cage. The maid cooked something very special. I felt that i'm in a fine dining except that i'm alone. Honestly, i'm kinda ok with being by myself today.

No stress on what to wear and my face is make up free.

Bag wrote me a long poem to my email. Cheesy actually!!

Aries begged me to come home and my respond?? 'Nothing, of course!'

Living in this golden cage is not bad at all but i can't wait to get back to work..

I miss working and the freedom to walk under the sun.

Last night as i sipped my wine, i closed my eyes. I saw myself running freely along the beach, sands on my feet with no one in sight. Hey!! Being single again is not a bad thing. I don't really need a man to maintain my lifestyle.

Heard a song on the radio and i felt it describes me perfectly. 'You love me but you don't know who i am, so let me go. Let me go'.  Yup, it's by Three Doors Down called Let Me Go.

After a bottle of wine this afternoon, i analysed my problem. I make friends very easily but im picky on who i slept with. I expects to be wooed and lots of laughter from the man. When it's all over, i have no problem walking away from the men. How come i'm in this mess today? Ans: It's the men who keeps hanging around! As for me, i'm easily taken by words and i'm a sucker for man taking actions.  That's the problem. I keep comparing Aries with other men that comes along. Even  when he's acting like an arsehole, i'm still hanging on to a hope that he'll just walk away from his responsibilities from that woman and be mine only. That's impossible, i'm fully aware of that. Being single is not a bad thing after all..

If  God exists, why am i in this situation? Give me strength to move. It's so hard, everytime i move forward, a man comes and knock me three steps behind.

Kinda miss my ex girlfriend....

When Rocky left for his business trip, the maid , the guard and whoever that's working with him in his house, 'I'm not allowed to leave the premises'

"I have nothing to wear! I need fresh undies at least", i begged the guard. A couple of hours later, a lady came with a huge luggage of stuffs. "Bag sent me. I'm sure you need some nice clothes for yourself", she introduced herself in a strong British accent. "What do you do, exactly?", i smiled. "I helped people do shopping in their own homes", she winked. "Hmmm, i thought it was called online shopping?", i started to get curious. She unpacked a whole lot of stuffs, including La Perla lingerie. "Wow!", i exclaimed."You have nice things there".. "Sweetie, it's my job to get you dressed", she tried to measure me. "I'm not going anywhere as i am trapped here right now", i sighed. "Now, now, as a mistress of this mansion...."    "Wait a minute, i don't live here. Just hiding", i stopped her from talking more.  A couple of hours later, she left with a smile and i have a whole bunch of really nice clothes. I called Bag and thanked him immediately. "Kiddo, it's nothing much actually. Small gifts from me to you. If you need anything else..",  "I'm fine Bag. Thank you so much", i ended the call.

It's been three days and i have received so many calls from Aries. I didn't want to answer it. In fact, our marriage seemed so far away. Tomorrow is Valentine's day, for the first time in six years, i am without him.

In this big house, i am treated like a princess. I'm being offered a life in Europe with the notorious playboy who treated me nice.

What the fuck do i want??

Rocky was very accommodating. He handed me one of his laptops and told me to visit porn sites if i have difficulty sleeping later. Wicked!

I called Bag and thanked him for his help. "No worries Kiddo. How about you just come to London first and we'll plan something for you?", he suggested."I still have to finish up my work first", i started to get worried. "Fuck your work! There's bigger opportunities in Europe. I can enrol you in a real fashion designing school. Think about it", he was trying hard to convince me. "Yeah, it's complicated. I just can't leave. I have commitment and other bigger worries", i replied. The truth is, i don't know what i want anymore. "Aries?", he asked. "I can't believe you are still going to be with him after all these. Trust me. Once a man hits you or cheats on you, they'll never stop cause they know you're weak!", Bag sounded very convincing. "I'm tired, Bag", i replied. "Alright Kiddo, goodnight", he wished me.

I walked to the pool and looked up  the sky. Surprisingly, there are many shining stars tonight.

I thought to myself  'Am i doing the right thing?'

                           Or

Will i be entering the dragon's dungeon after escaping the lion's den?

What is it about men and feeling superior just because they earn more than you? Aries gave me a credit card during breakfast, brought me out for a very late lunch at Chatterbox and a trip to Tiffany. "Let's pick the most beautiful earrings for you", he suggested while standing in front of Tiffany. "Nah, another day", i replied rejecting his offer. Honestly, after what he did, Tiffany doesn't appeal to me anymore. "Why is it so hard to please you?", he shouted at me in public. I walked away and quicken my pace from the screwed up Aries. He grabbed my arm and pulled me to the car. I followed as i was in pain, physically and emotionally.

Back in the car, i lit up a fag and Aries took it away from me. "No smoking", he said sternly. "Oh yeah, how about you and that slut?", i pushed him. "Just shut up, Zara. She's carrying my child", he raised his voice even louder. "What about me? I'm your wife, Aries. What kind of husband are you anyway? Spending the night with that slut while i'm drinking myself to sleep", i cried. "Enough Zara. I thought we had an agreement", he took a shot back at me. "You know what? It's over. You hear me, it's O.V.E.R!! Now let me out of your shitty car!", i protested while trying to open the door. "Oh no, you won't. It's not over, sweetheart. I will never agree to a divorce whether you like it or not", he pulled my hair causing my scalp to hurt terribly. I've never experienced such physical pain in my life before. "Why are you doing this? Set me free", i begged him. "Zara, i love you but i have responsibilities. For once, try to understand me. Stand by me", he pleaded. I looked into his eyes and said "I need the ladies' room".

He unlocked the door and as i walked out slowly, i decided to make a quick exit. Not wanting him to suspect anything, i walked calmly and turn around to smile at him. When i was out of the carpark, i removed my shoes and ran as quickly as i could. Jumped in the taxi and rushed the driver to drive quickly. "Where to Miss?", asked the driver. "Just move, someone wants to kill me!" The driver drove as quickly as he could. I called Bag and cried. "He's gone crazy! He pulled my hair and told me that he'll never divorce me whether i like it or not".  "Go to Rocky's home right now, i'll call him for you. I hope you're okay, love", he replied with kindness.

Upon arrival at Rocky's huge house, his guard opened the gate for me. "Welcome Sarah", Rocky greeted me while covering my arms with a shawl.  I sat on his gigantic chair while he poured me a scotch. "I can't do it", i shivered. "Do you know how much a life is worth in some third world country?", he asked. "Not sure", i smiled as he was trying to distract me. "US 100 if you hire a kid maybe less but in Singapore, it's worth approximately $25k", he smirked. "Ok, now you're freaking me out", i stood up. "Ha ha, i'm kidding", he laughed. "You naughty boy", i was relieved. "So Bag told me a bit and i think you should stay here for a couple of days till everything is more settled", Rocky suggested. "I don't think that's a good idea", i said. "Hear me out, i'm leaving to Thailand tomorrow on business and i'll be back till Friday. Stay around, enjoy the pool and enjoy the maid's cooking".  "I should go home tonight. I'm scared if Aries create more trouble", i sadly replied. "I don't think you should go home tonight. I'm a man and i think it's best that both of you  to stay away from each other for a couple of days. At least you can think about what you want and come up with a solution that's best for both of you", sounding very sensible. "Now are you injured?", he asked. "Just my scalp and arm".  "Let me take a look", he removed the shawl from my shoulders. "Oh Sarah", he stunned. "Oh no worries, i have leukaemia and i bruise very easily. No biggie", i smiled. "Let me see your scalp.. That's it, i'm taking you to the hospital", he held my hands. "No way, i'm not seriously hurt or anything", i protested. "You should get a medical report from the doctor and lodge a complain at the station against him", Rocky advises me. "Why should i do that?"  "In the future, if he hits you again, you can actually be eligible for P.P.O (personal protection order). With that, you can put him in jail".   "Oh sounds great! How do you know all of this?", i smiled. "I'm dating a divorce lawyer", he laughed out loudly. "Can you believe it?"

Rocky gave me a tour of his huge house and my own room facing his private pool. "No skinny dipping and no boys allowed", he teased me. 

Yup, i should stay away from Aries for a couple of days.

I woke up to the smell of breakfast. Aries cooked something for me this morning. God knows what time he got back as i fell asleep on the couch after drinking more wine.

"Moin' moin' darling. You looked beautiful", he smiled as though nothing ever happened.  "Morning", i replied softly as my hangover started to kick in. "Someone has been drinking again. You should take care, love", he said lovingly. I am surprised by his attitude. He seems to be very happy with the arrangement in this bullshit marriage. I sat down on the dining table, had a bite and breakfast is quite good, actually. Feeling quizzy, i replaced my milk with beer. Aries stared at me with mouth wide open "Is the breakfast not good?"  I said "It's fine. You wanna have a beer too? It's Sunday. Enjoy".  Aries joined me for beer and we had breakfast like any perfect couple on a Sunday morning. "I'm sorry for what happened the past few days. She's really getting on my back now", he apologised. I looked at him blankly and yet no words came out from my mouth. "Please bear with me, Zara. I miss spending nights with you and she is so emotional. You should see her swollen feet", he continued as though we're having a normal conversation about a pregnant friend. I meditated while sipping my beer. God bless Meditation! Without it, i'll have blood on my hands. All it takes was a trip to the kitchen and poking Aries with the smallest knife to his heart area then watching him die a slow and painful death as i enjoy my morning beer.

Christ! All these evil thoughts in me.. I'm satanic. Bad! Bad! Bad!

After washing up, i poured two glasses of white wine and proceed to the balcony. Aries sat next to me and gave me a credit card. "What is this?", i asked. "Your supplementary card. You can buy more shoes, baby", he smiled. Great! Now as long as i'm spending his money, whatever he does is out of my questioning. "I don't need it. I have my own money", i kindly rejected his gift. "No worries, you're Mrs. Aries now", he kissed me on the cheek. If all the shoes in the world can make me happy, i'll gladly take his credit card and go on shoe shopping spree. If only life was much simpler. Whoever said everything can be bought, seriously has a problem!

I went to work and came back to another night of an empty home. It's 5am right now and Aries is still not home. I wonder if he's having sex with that woman cause after asking a few mothers, some claimed that they were horny during their pregnancy days. That'll explain why he's not back yet.

I finished two bottles of wine tonight and my eyes just won't close. I am so looking forward to the holidays and after checking my bank balance, i can actually go away for a long time! Not bad..

I'm pretty nervous about starting with Bag again but if Aries can do as he pleases, so can i.

Am i supposed to stay home, wait for him to come back and take me out for a walk? Honey, i'm a lady. Not a bitch with wagging tail!

I just need time to adjust the fact that i'm married but i am absolutely single the moment i step out of the house. Not only that, i'll also have to get used to the idea of being alone in this house. I hated the bedroom. It's cold and no matter how much i covered myself with the comforter, i am still wide awake.

Why do married men cheat yet they will never divorce their wife?

Is it for selfish reasons like they do not want to be alone? Or because the wives chose to ignore it for the longest time? Or do the wives have a secret affair somewhere?

Cheating married woman will never leave their husbands too. If married people will never leave their spouse, why the heck do they wanna fuck around outside?

Are modern people having more casual sex than people in the past? Or are sex easily accessible nowadays?

If that is so, hence explains the increase in new companies producing condoms. 

I think i should stop whining and  upgrade myself. I'm not getting laid ever since i'm in this bullshit marriage.

What can i do?

Where do i start? Hmmmmmmmm

Aries seemed to be living the life i proposed almost immediately. 'Don't ask, don't tell' was what i proposed after the fight. I stayed up all night, drinking almost four bottles of wine. The wine cellar will be empty soon, if i do not stop visiting it..

Aries came back at 7 in the morning and i was asleep in the couch with the television looking at me. He tried to carry me when i was suddenly awaken by the smell of cheap perfume on his body. Someone hugged him. That slut hugged my husband yet again!

As the deal was not to ask, i walked back to the room and told him to take a shower.  He hugged me when he got to bed but i got up and slept on the couch again. I don't feel like having him touching me with those dirty hands. Hands that touched the slut from yesterday till this morning. "What's wrong?", he asked. I didn't say a word. In fact, i even closed me eyes to avoid any anger in me building up. I went to deep sleep almost immediately.

When i got up, i was on the bed with Aries next to me. Looked at him, and i still can't believe that i chose him to be my life partner. "Well, i'm just a human who makes wrong judgement all the time".. What can i do now?

I did what i always do everytime. I called Bag.

"Are you excited?", his way of greeting.

"Yeah, i can't wait. I really need to get away", i whispered.

"You sound sad. Did he bully you?", Bag started to get worried.

"No, everything is fine. I have four days off from work starting on the 17th", i whispered even softer.

"I'm in London now. Maybe you wanna come over? But four days is too short", he replied

"Maybe i'll go to Malacca first then. Get some fresh air or something", i said

"Alone?" he asked.

"Maybe i'll get bestfriend to go with me"

"Whew! Alright Kiddo. Do what you think it's good! As long as i can reach you", he sounded relieved.

Ok, you take care. Speak soon"

"Hey Kiddo"

"Yah?"

"I'm looking forward to your laughter again", he said firmly.

"Me too, me too. Ciao", i ended the call.

I looked at the ring on my finger. If this is my destiny, i'll gladly go on this ride.

After sleeping the whole morning, i got up at late noon. Aries was practising his chess at the living room. I smiled when i saw his face. "Moin' moin' Orang", i greeted him.

"You snored very loudly", he teased me. "Ya, ya, very funny!", i giggled. His phone rang and when he looked at his screen, he took his phone to the kitchen. He whispered so softly that i can't even hear him from the living room. When he came back, he went to his room and put on his pants. "Got to go", he kissed me and rushed off the door. "Work?", i asked. "Sri Lankan", he sighed as he went out the door. I stood at the window helplessly, watching him rushing to her aid. I thought to myself  "Is it worth it?"

I went to my bag and checked my mobile. German sent me sms! 'Hey sexy, how are you? Any plans tonight?' 

I replied 'Let's catch up'

So i did lots of meditation in the day and had dinner with German in the evening, followed by a wild night at St James. Here i am back home, drunk and alone. Aries is still not back since afternoon. I thought he's a gem but it's proven that he's just an ordinary brick on the wall.

I looked at the medication prescribed by the doctor and i threw it all in the bin. No amount of medication will cure the pain that's beating in me. It hurts too much.

I am too scared to die, yet too weak to live.

Last night, i put on my little black dress and head to town for some serious fun! Went to Gotham and check out the 'Hot' male dancers, ended up in Attica where the real men are..

I was alone yet i was not alone for long! Too many men, too little time.. That's what my mum used to say, thus explains her multiple marriages.

I met a German. Tall, brunette with sexy green eyes.. I flirted and told him my name was Jessica. I'm 28 years old and i am a sex therapist. His name was Ian.

Newly moved to Singapore, single and he asked me out on a date this weekend. We danced all night and had endless drinks. I was so happy that i forgot the time. We went from one bar to another. I ended up in his room. He was wasted and i was too drunk to stay awake. I slept in his arms.

When morning comes, i got up and rushed home. He was still sleeping. I left my namecard on the table and crept out quietly. On my way home, i felt guilty. As a married woman, i am still spending nights with total strangers. When i got home, Aries was sitting in the living room. He was smoking and was staring at the window.

"Hiya, good morning", i greeted him. "Where were you last night?", he asked.  "I was out having fun. What brings you back?", i asked sheepishly. "I was worried about you so i cut my business trip short", he replied. "But it seems that you were alright after all".  "Oh orang, you should worry about Sri Lankan cause she's carrying your child after all", i smiled. "All i care now is my life with or without you"

"You are my wife and  you should act like one", he shouted with a finger pointed to my face. "Ya ya, you're the one having a kid with a fucking slut and here i am getting preached for not being a good wife", i shouted back. "I may be barren but i have always tried my best to put you ahead of others. It seems i have failed again", i walked to the room and slammed the door. I lied on the bed and went to sleep.

Aries came in and lay next to me. He hugged me and apologised. "I love you, Zara. No one will ever take your place"

"I love you too, Orang but there's so much i can tolerate. If you still want that woman in your life, i'll accept it but i demand total freedom from this marriage. I will stop asking and vice versa", tears came rolling down my face. I've finally laid my cards.

I don't know how people get away with murder but one thing for sure, people do get away by being demanding! In my family, woman are CEO of the house.

If Aries decided to be a chauvinist, so be it. I have a life too..

Call me a fool but i should have just leave before it's too late. My greatest fear has come true. That slut is definitely getting a hold on him.

My bags are packed, i'm ready to go,

I'm going back to my single life and i had just called the Embassy and made some enquiries.

It appears that i can just sign first while Aries can sign whenever he wants to. With the certificate, i am finally single again.

Being married sucks. Having a husband who thinks of his unborn child with another woman is more i can bear. I'm sorry if i do not have the fucking strength.

I am finally getting back to my senses...

'Why be with only one man when i can romance the world?'

'Why be a wife when i can have a life?'

Aries: I thought i told you that i'm busy.

Me: I know.

Aries: What is it?

Me: I have decided to go on a trip for a while

Aries: Why the sudden decision? Who are you going with?

Me: Now, now, Orang. That's none of your concern, isn't it.

Me: You're having a child with another woman so i think we passed the 'Who' word

Aries: I am busy, Zara. Do what you think that makes you happy.

Me: I agree. We can still remain married and have separate lives.

Aries: What are you talking about? I have to be responsible to Sri Lankan.

Me: Sure. I am not stopping , you know that.

Aries: What's with the separate life bullshit?

Me: Since you are so busy with your responsibility, i have a life to handle.

Aries: Orang....

I hang up on him. Feels good to finally get a hold of myself again!

I called Bag and asked "When to Europe?"

Things are definitely weird between Aries and i. He left on a business trip this morning and i have to call him to find out that he's in Malaysia already. "Where are you?", i started asking over the phone. "I'm in Malaysia", he replied as though nothing ever happened. "Are you coming back at all?", i am still trying to believe my ears. "Am coming back on Monday. You need anything?", he talked as though everything is alright. "Don't you think that you should have informed me last night or this morning about your sudden trip? I am with you now", i raised my voice. "I don't have time for this. I'm working and i have a child coming", he shouted back. I hang up on him.

When i had my first glass of wine this morning, i sat down and started to think.  "I have a child coming??" I am his wife, for fuck sake and here he is preparing for a kid laboured by his fornification. I wanted so much to cry out to Leo or Cancer or Russian but i brought it all upon myself.  So i started drinking the whole bottle and listening to Kevin Kern's music. Holy grail!

I am officially Mrs Aries a.k.a Whiny Little Bitch. Why do i subject myself to such torture?

I picked up the phone and did the unthinkable.

I called Bag.

"Is that you?", Bag asked. "My, my, someone is drunk  early today"

"Do i sound drunk?", i giggled. "I miss talking to you"

"I know, Kiddo. Me too. How's things with you and Aries?", he sounded very concern

"Not good. It appears that i am just a wife in title. Anyway, forget about it. Let's talk about you. Any new flavour of the month?", i asked trying to get distracted.

"It's still not too late to come back alive. You should start living. I am travelling to Europe soon. It'd be fun if you come along", Bag sounded very naughty.

"I am a married woman. It's wrong if i'd do that", i laughed again. Quite surprised with myself when i said that.

"If you're really happy, why the drunk dialling?", he asked firmly. "Come on Kiddo. It'd be fun!", he seduced me..

All of a sudden, my marriage of convenience all seemed so far away.

If Aries can just ran away from it all, so can i.

It's my 2nd day living with Aries. He comes home at 6.30 sharp and i struggled fixing dinner. Can't help it! It's been six years since i lived with him and cook. Feels weird having him around again.

His grandmother passed away yesterday in Germany and he only found out about it today. I tried to console him but he just went to his room and played his saxophone. He didn't touch the food i cooked today and neither did he kiss me to sleep.

It's almost 4 in the morning and i am creeping quietly in the dark writing my blog.

I should get back to work tomorrow. I'm sure he'll make arrangements to attend his grandmother's funeral.

It hurts me to see him in this state as he's pretty bonded with the girls in his family. 

When Aries went to the gym, i decided to visit Russian and the ladies at the hotel. No one answered when i called the room so the Manager of the hotel took me to the pool. Bingo! They are getting drunk before noon. Leo gave me that nasty look while Cancer was smiling due too much drinks. Russian was reading a magazine while sipping 'Singapore Sling'.  As i walked towards them, my heart was beating fast. The only time i was feeling this way, was during in my high school days when i was caught kissing a teacher.

I sat next to Russian and began my pitch "I couldn't do it"..  With eyes still fixed to his magazine, "I know. We all know"

Leo hugged me "If he really makes you happy, you have my love but i am not holding your hands if anything were to screw up again"

"Ah, let her be. She'll dump him. You'll see", Cancer lift up her glass in a drunken stupor.

"Cheers Ladies", Russian raised his glass.

I am happy that my friends still support my decision to be with a man who makes me happy eventhough they felt he's not the one for me.

By tomorrow, i am moving in with Aries. There will be no wedding bullshit. Only registration and i am happy with the ring he made for me. It's simple, tasteful eventhough it's made of stainless steel.

People, i am officially Mrs Aries..