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| what do others expect from you? what role should I fit in? I was talking to my father by phone, and witout thinking I was already talking about my studies and problems. when I hung down , I was wandering whether is it all what I have to say to my father. when I will have no problems in studies or work, will I have nothing to tell him. it is true that I suffered from his hard character, from his really hurting words, but I know that he was one of the voice that makes me look for better. but it was always about performance with him. I always have to be first, and when I wasn't really onto that, my relation with him was more and more "electrified". now, I want to become first, but now I lack something that hardwork couldn't provide : charisma. I m now this very sterotipical girl with glasses and with nothing in her mouth but problems and work. the time when I had big dreams and a lot of potentials is over. it's like in pinks song: "my life had made a choice". and it's boring and frutrating for me now. but I know that I wanted to do what i m doing. but this awareness of how much limited are the possibilities in my country, make me sometimes want to cry. this without talking about what the family is waiting for: a good salary so that I could make them a lot of present. what if I don't make it, what if I still want to do research, even if it will mean not salary before a long time, what if I go abroad and will be far from them... it makes me freak out sometimes. but I konow something that nothing will move: I will pay back my parents for all the sacrifices they had to made to make me reach this, not money, but love , yes a lot of love | ||
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| what does being a woman mean ? is it being a housewives and cildren and look after them? is it being successful in one's career? is it the same as being a man? I live somewhere where a woman has a role: be a mother. and everything that is different than that is considered forbidden. I m in a college now, but at the end all this education will be hidden in case I don't have a man after certain age. At the same time, there is no room for intimate relationship before marriage, that would mean shame to the family. How I m a supposed to make myself a path with this? and boys, except a very few open minded one, know that their role is to deflore the maximum girls, but when it's time to marry, then they rely on their moter's opinions, which mean: a honorable girl that no one had touched, as ignorant's possible, and as young as possible. there is no room left for this category of women that wanted to have a life besides a husband. I m sick from this hypocrisy. Women of middle class that want to acheive some liberty are regarded as dangerous, and this compagn for veil is making it worse. I m not against veil, but I think that we are free to choose to do it or not, not being forced by a society that claims being liberal and open, but in the shadow kill every will that women could have. God, will you give us one day the light to to follow the right raod? | ||
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All along, I considered my self a "lovable" personn: I m cute(on average), intelligent, and with a easy caracter. but untill now, I have never been in a serious relationship, never. I traded it with A carrer that seemed more difficult to have.there was some who interested me, and others that kept fooling around me. the fact is I considered love something easy and reachable, almost having it as something natural. now, I m all alone, there is nothing around me but this emptiness and cold. where have those days gone?, will I have another chance to make them back? or have I lost all that strength that had made them say I m a strong person? You have to know it, this simple and big solitude, that surpasses your feelings to reach your body, and make it so heavy even if your heart is empty, this pain that won't go away by a comic show or two hours of manga, a tear that is so pressing that it refuses to fall down and relieve your broken heart. how have I turn out like this? what was this turn that I shouldn't have had taken? will I ever see again eyes like what I saw in those sweet days? will I ever be able to give as I liked to do before? will you give me my innocence back? | ||
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good morning every one!! I must think of a way to stay with a great smile and firm resolve. I won't make them take me down. they say the this period have the highest suicide ratio. it must be because of all this fuss over love . a thing that should happen once in a lifetime(even if there is more and more people that don't beleive in it) is become commercialized in the form of chocolate and roses. and I haven't received one. it hurts. and in the same time I think that there is no one here that deserves to give me one (what a lame excuse). Anyhow, is there someone that think that there shouldn't be so much displaying over love affection, people should be more considerate about this matter? | ||
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| Today, we had to give back a proposal of a project. despite all our effort, it wasn't enough for our dear professor. he was expecting us to reinvinte a new theory in what we just began to study. and wile he was dreaming so loudly about his expectations, I looked at him and began thinking about the person behind this monster. How is it possible for a previous understanding and positive person to turn out like that? to become someone whose the ultimate goal in life is to make you feel insignificant in front of him, and to be sure that you had enough tourture so that you wished you never happened to cross road with him. I felt sorry then and thought of him as a lonely person, who stays hours to think about the new gift he could give us. for example, the new requirements were a really romantic gift to celebrate saint valentin. I hate him. oh god! make him meet with some woman who will make him shine again with happiness as he used to do before I took my classes with him!!! | ||
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| hello, as always not much inspiration, but who cares?? I m creating this blog to shout out things I couldn't say in this creepy world. Let's give it a try. I know that it's desperate a little, but at least I m sure of talking true. who am I? just an ordinary girl in an ordinary college fighting like hell to have a place in this world. It seem legitimate and yet so hard. hope that a cyber-wanderer could by reading this leave some feedback. we are a social animal after all, and all lonely we could become, we really need to feel what's around us | ||
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