1/1/2006 - my knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil

i am sooooo irritated. i really just want to kick my husbands ass.  i don't know what his malfunction is, but if he doesn't pull his head out of his ass soon, i'm just going to give up.  i am tired of having to beg my own husband for sex, and still not get any.  i've only had sex twice since i turned 30 july 4th, and both of those were in the same week, and frankly didn't do much for me.  it takes longer than 5 minutes.  hell i got more sex than this when i was single!!!  i don't know if he's just decided that i'm too fat for him or that it's just too much energy to put in to actually have sex with a person, or if he is having sex, just not with me.  and when i ask about it, he thinks i'm just being sarcastic!!  i mean, i'm looking at him, telling him that he can skip forplay and just get to it, and he still doesn't move.  what man gives up sex with a woman, even if it is his wife?  ya know, if he's just not interested anymore, he needs to just tell me and get it over with, cuz this is getting really fucking frustrating.  i know me - and if i don't get sex from my man for 6 months then i'll go get it some where else - hell i've never gone 6 months without since i lost my virginity!!!!!!!!!!!!  i keep asking him what's up and he just insists that he's "tired"  - ok he was tired for 6 months !!!!  whatever!!  this is bullshit.  ya know how they say "women know when their men are cheating" - well hell yeah we know, b/c the dumb asses quit having sex altogether with their wives.  i'm just not sure who it is yet - yet.  cuz i know him and if he's not fucking me, he's fucking someone else, bu ti know he's not going without, that's for damn sure.  i can't even stand to look at him most days.  i've got enough drama going on, i don't need this too.  and he has the nerve to kiss me on the cheek and tell me he loves me.  seriously!!!  i can't even remember when the last time was that i had a deep long kiss.  yes, actually i can.  it was when we split up 2 years ago and the guys that i dated then kissed me.  they at least put in the time and energy to make out with me.  how stupid is that.  i am so fed up with having to put on a mask and live everyday of my life as a lie, with everyone in my life.  this is just one aspect of the lie, but all of the masks that i wear everyday with everyone are getting pretty fucking tight and recent events in my life have made me even less tollerant of the bullshit things in my life.  damn i need to get laid!!  :-s