1/27/2006 - UNCONTROLLABLY
On the outside,
She seems secure, satisfied, and lively.
Her eyes light up with every peal of laughter,
Her mind scabs over the cuts made the night before.
She does not dwell on the darkness...
She can focus,
And learn,
And love.
Behind the mask,
She cannot see past her own world,
A world shrouded in darkness,
Seething with pain.
She is alone, yet not alone enough
To disappear completely.
She wallows in her fear that someone will see her,
Therefore, not she isn't herself even here.
Within the body,
The walls of tissue and matter,
She is afraid, lost, angry.
Loathing everything about herself,
She cuts openings from the body to the mask,
So that her fear may bleed out onto her shirt.
She knows it will seep back,
The fear just won't melt with one try...
And her frustration makes the cut all the deeper.
Within the mind,
The parts you can never see,
She is hopeless, distorted, diseased.
Lost within the maze, she has given up on it all...
She just curls up, crying and scared;
She closes her eyes and dreams;
Tortured, twisted, haunted scenes;
But in the very back of her mind,
In the very depths of her psyche,
She hopes she will wake up and be
The fabulous woman they want her to be,
And what she fears most, above all else,
Is that she will be what they want.
Uncontrollably.
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