1/30/2006 - masquerade day

so i've had some "days like that" these last few days.  actually the last month.  i keep thinking that things have gotten pretty bad and so they must get better soon, and then BANG - BOOM another bomb drops.  so i've posted a few more poems - my way of coping and trying not to give in.  sometimes when i'm feeling a certian way and i have a poem that expresses it better or if i just don't feel like writing about it and getting too in depth, then i just post a poem (one of mine or someone else's - poe, cummings, rilkee, etc.) or a song or a picture or something. 

so as with the picture above, i'm feeling the need to hide in a safe place today.  really feeling a little fragile - like if i think about things too hard today, i may just shatter.  it's one of those days that i just feel like i need to be held - how cliche` - i know, but precisely how i feel.  just need to have someone put their arms around me and rock me and tell me that everythings gonna be alright - even if they have no proof that it will.  just have someone to give me the beautiful lie - and hold me when i cry.  it just feels so much worse to cry alone.  not to have anyone to comfortme, someone to hold me and let me know that they actually care about me and care that i'm in their life and that they will be there for me like i am for them.  feel like i'm just spinning my wheels in the mud and can't gat any traction.  so when does the bogged down feeling pass?  guess i'll just have to sit and wait for it to pass ... and try not to do anything stupid and "cope".

have to go out in the world ... and put the mask on now ...