I’m going to give you a look into my childhood on what actually happened. I had along talk with my step-mom and this how I came to this realization. This is my story:
I was born in April of 1984 my parents were forced to get married in December of 1984 in order for me to get baptised. This is were I think their fighting is stemed from. My mom told me several times that she never wanted to have kids and thought marriage was just a piece of paper. My dad is very family oriented yet lacked it while I was growing up.
Here is a little background on both my parents:
My mom was very strict, domineering, and abusive. My mom grew up with her parents but my grandpa was always gone cause he was a trucker at the time then there was my grandma who worked at the bar as a waitress and was a beloved mother to 4 children. Yet there was things behind closed doors were different. Discipline in my grandma’s eyes were different then others. The normal smack on the behind wasn’t just a smack but a continuous whipping until she got tired or started to cry. This was normal while my mom grew up. My grandma’s abusive came from what her mother and father did. Hence the cycle!
My dad is a push over but very strict. My dad grew up poor and I mean poor. My dad is one of 5 children and my grand parents worked their asses off. This only what I have been told cause my grandparents are no longer living. My grandpa was a farm tenant and so they moved around frequently so grandpa could work. My grandpa died when my dad was 9 years old so he has no real recollection of him. My dad quit school at 16 years old to help my grandma out and has been working ever since. Yes there was discipline and yes it was as bad as what my mom got and worse. Only difference is when he disciplined me and my sister it wasn’t nearly as bad.
Anyways back to me. My sister came along in February of 1986 and this is where my memory kicks in. My whole childhood is nothing what I made everyone to believe. My parents fought all the time and we were always sent to our rooms. Not physical well atleast not on my dad side but my mom side but it was mostly verbal arguments. My dad was a workaholic and was never around. I don’t know if he wasn’t around because of work or cause he didn’t want to come home. My mom was the disciplinarian and that’s were my troubles are.
While we were young it was just a smack on the ass that esclated to using anything my mom could reach. One day she would use a wooded spoon then the next a belt. The things she used most often is a belt, wooden spoon, remote controller, weight lifting belt, brush, spatchula, and other objects I can’t remember or belt me in the mouth or nose to get her point across. We would get this anytime my mom thought we were whining, back talking and such. I think sometimes I deserved it but other times not so much. My dad only disciplined us when he was around which wasn’t much and I’m glad for that. Both my parents don’t know when to stop when it comes to disciplining children. My dad never being around helped prevent abuse from both sides.
My mom did this thing when she didn’t want us around she’d send us outside and tell our neighbor to watch us well that was fine and dandy until I was raped repeatly by our neighbor’s son for three years and yet my mom would not believe me. I ended up becoming pregnant at 12 years old and having an abortion. This is just one of many things my mom did to me. Not to mention this is one of several rapes that my mom never believed until I ended up pregnant.
Then there were the times my parents left us with my grandparents and I always hated to go there. Reason being well here is one story. My parents went out for the night so we were dropped off at my grandparents and my grandma asked me to do something and I told her no. Well the normal thing would of been a smack on the ass and yelled at. Nope what does she do but belt me in the mouth at five years of age and then turns around and tell my parents that I tripped and split my lip open on the coffee table. I was five then and I still remember that like it was yesterday. I remember one time for cussing in front of my cousins I got whipped repeatedly by my uncle and yet these people call this discipline.
Always being told I have be the responsible one, make an example for the younger kids in the family and shit like that. Only for these same people to turn around and say I won’t amount to anything, I’m not worldly enough, I’m to fat, I’ll never find a guy, I’ll be lazy and so on. I respect my mom and dad. Yet I can’t get past what they have put me through. I don’t understand this myself but their my parents. But this is my life and I accept that I think. I know I can’t change it but I can’t even tell my mom what she put me through cause she isn’t alive now. I can tell my dad but that wouldn’t change the fact he wasn’t there. So this is my outlet and talking to my step-mom.
Through all this I have been in therapy, psychiatrists, and hospitals. I’ve tried to kill myself several times and yet I’m forced to live through this crap that everyone says it ain’t so bad. SO YOU TELL ME YOU’VE HAD IT WORSE. HUH?
