My nerves are shot with everything going on in the last two days. I’m scared and shaken. I’ve been cutting to deal with this shit. I want this to end. I freaked out today and had a sever anxiety attack. Sometimes I wonder if I wasn’t here would things turn out so bad. No I’m not thinking of doing anything except cutting. I want to not feel so guilty and insecure of life. I want to be me again. Will that ever happen? I doubt it. I just need to get well. Which I doubt very seriously. Meds have then stop. I can’t keep doing this bullshit. I don’t understand my body. Maybe I’m one of those that meds can’t help. I really hope not. Ah fuck it….