Been feeling down lately. Thought I was doing much better. Got past November without hysterics. Yes, I still think about them. As a conerned mother and a caring individual... and because I died with them. I still mourn. Sometimes I hate myself for feeling this way. Thinking, what did I really lose? I lost a lot. I still cry.

I even had a bad day today. Am still in progress. I try not to let the customer's attitude affect me and move onto the next call. Sell Sell Sell... that's the motto here.

Try a little caring compassion and less pressure. But its all in the bottom line.

The world revolves around the bottom line. The Almight Dollar.

Needing some patience. Some guiding light. Some time to take a deep breath. Some peace. To take some worry away.

Actually need to eat too. *growl*

Parent-teacher conferences and I went around smiling hugely--before, during, and after. (Especially since one of the Screentek PFE culprits was in the room, I think, and if it was her, she didn't seem to be enjoying the evening as I was. Serves her right for being rotten to me. I have no idea how her kid got into honors anyway, even with her money and her education as a teacher.) Nothing but wonderful praise about their behavior and their grades. Contrary to what every minute of every day screams to me, I must be doing something right. I"m not just exaggerating or being too critical of myself. Of course my better half deserves credit, making it a 'we must be doing something  right' statement, but I worry about me messing them up more than I worry about him messing them up. For now, I will enjoy their success!

Was the 'special' they ran on the anniversary of  the u.s. president John F. Kennedy's assasination. I always cried even though I was kind of young to understand what was going on. I guess that is the perfect example of a date that everybody remembers where they were. Not me. I was "t minus 6 mos.' so to speak. My mother and sister got off the bus a few doors away from my grandmother's house. Or should I say, my soon-to-be-grandmother. A lady ran up to them shouting, "They shot him! The president is dead! Oh my God", etc. "The poor thing", my mother thought, assuming the lady had lost her mental faculties. A few minutes later she learned the unbelievable truth.

I don't approve of cheating on one's spouse. But all I can say is "Rest in peace with your wife and your son".

At least I can breathe easier. I was literally losing sleep. The person, what name did I make up for her?--who is giving me trouble has been backing off. I think she just likes to be the boss and tell people what to do. Wow, a career PTA person who likes to wield power? It's weird too that she used my ideas, which cut out a huge amount of work that would have been unnecessary and that I never would have agreed to. She never even acknowledged that it was my idea. She just said, "We are not doing xyz, we are doing abc." She made another statement that led me to believe that another of my ideas was either hers or just sort of  happened. Why do I always meet up with these people?

Ok, Mad (Wo)MAN, but I was having fun with the analogy. I realized at this late date that my life is like the discription of the wonderful t.v. series, Mad Men.

It's 2008 and medical info specialist Terri rules the roost at her pathetic Market Day sale and her little niche job at a huge publishing co.  Living a glamorous existence of a never-ending white port supply, clothes with holes chewed by a bird, and kids who ignore her, budding misanthrope Terri makes numerous strides in conquering endless tasks at work mindless tasks in her personal life. But the world is beginning to change, and Terri will have to use what little smarts she has to stay one step ahead of the game. Watch her tread water with a soap opera family of origin highlighted by a sister exhibiting bizarre behavior, a new person coming on board at work who she will have to train under very different circumstances, while trying to reign in renegade Market Day parent volunteers who managed to change the entire location of the site without consulting her.

Here's the real description of  Season 1.

"It's 1960, and ad executive Don Draper (Jon Hamm) rules the roost at New York's Sterling Cooper Advertising Agency in this Emmy winner for Best Drama Series. Living a glamorous existence of never-ending cocktail hours, worry-free smoking and ego-stroking power, ladies' man Draper makes numerous conquests both at work and in his personal life. But the world is beginning to change, and Draper will have to use all his smarts to stay one step ahead of the game."

It must be me. It must be my lack of social skills. Maybe I'm in one of those shows where everybody is strange but me. Maybe I'll wake up and it will all be a dream.

This career pta person will not stop. She notified me of a meeting she had with a principal after the fact. In fact, I heard about it earlier in the day  from someone else that she had told me. Of course, why would she bother to invite me to a meeting, why wouldn't I be the last to find out. I'm only the CHAIR for goodness sakes.

Today I couldn't keep quiet anymore. I think everyone else in this universe would either have put up with it for eternity or would never have had a problem like this in the first place. I went online and discovered...tah dah...she is my co-chair. If you are going to be someone's co-chair, don't you think you should many, um, mention it to them first? Who does this? Someone who would show up only in my world. I had mentioned some frustration to the Market Day supervisor and she told me that I am the Chair. All decisions have to go through me. At least I know that she's not in on the conspiracy.

I sent this person an e-mail just now. I said that I found out from the website that she is my co-chair. I said that I've had problems keeping track of who is doing what lately. I asked her to keep in mind that I should be notified of any proposed changes because decisions regarding the sale have to go through me. I also added that I need to be notified if any meetings are going to be held so I can attend. DUH!! Look for the fireworks to begin, they always do. I will end up quitting and it will be the happiest day of my life because I don't have time for all the work and I don't need to be a part of this circus act.