My father called me after I got home from visiting my mother at the nursing home. He wasn't calling to make sure I got home ok as he sometimes did. "Someone's been in this house", couldn't have surprised me more. My quick littany of the police, checking doors and windows, etc. was quickly silenced. He can tell that my sister had been there. She has a key. He is remarkably observant, noticing a chair pulled away from the table, a box in a closet at an odd angle from the wall, and most of all, dirt on the floor by the china cabinet and closet. The dirt is even stranger because we are all conditioned to take off our shoes at their house. It's always been that way. My father and my daughter think that she was saving time by leaving her shoes on. They may be right, but I think it's another sign of her losing it. In the past, she would occasionally drop by (I guess the telephone company's "Phone First" campaign was lost on her) by, but she would leave a note. I've come to the difficult conclusion that she is not after money. It seems strange, because nearly everybody is after money, particularly if one is in her situation. My guess is that she was after momentos. Those sort of things he would give her if she asked. There were a few nicknacks in my grandmother's china cabinet that we always liked to play with when we were kids, for example. I never mentioned that there were a couple meetings at the nursing home. On one occasion, she walked into the day room, saw him, turned around, and did not return until the meeting actually started. What's up with that? She held it together well during the meeting I attended, her occasional flashes of anger went unnoticed. She is really unhinged.

I think he should change the locks.

As I was saying, I recently started to read Dick Francis crime novels as well as his autobiography--which is just as interesting as fiction. I understand he's written over 40. They center around steeplechase horse racing. I was worried that they might not hold my interest since I'm not really into horse racing. Not so at all! I figured I'd like him since he is so popular. Yes, I enjoy his books as much as I do "The Cat Who..." and the Kinsey Milhone series.

One difference greatly surprised me. After I finished the first book, I looked forward to reading about what other events would happen in the life of  the lead character. Surprise! It seems that every book has a different lead character. Unless he's strung together two or more books somewhere in the series that I don't know about, it seems that all of the books stand alone.

I was a bit dissapointed, but I suppose his method has some advantages. It is kind of strange that the same lead character becomes embroiled in serious crimes dozens of times. Even the character of Kinsey, who is a private detective, states that 99% of her work is mundane. He will never have to come up with relatives of the lead character that we've never heard of in 30+ novels, or have the character re-invent himself by moving or starting a new career, just to keep the readers from dying of boredom. I think the most intriguing element is that he actually can kill off his lead character whenever he wants. We know Kinsey isn't going anyplace until maybe "Z is for..."

Oh my, I did it! I finally embedded a YouTube video! WOW, I've been trying for years to do that!

I still take piano lessons and made my *debut* last year along with numerous five-year-olds, which was quite embarrassing. Probably for them too. I played a cute little number about rainbows. Despite my totally losing my bearings trying to play it on a shortened keyboard rather than the full-size, I managed to pull it off. The real trouble began when my instructor offered to sing it. Don't get me wrong, her singing actually moved me to tears once, so, I was honored. The problem was that her singing is what I would call 'classically trained'. The piece that I played was originally sung by Kermit the Frog.

That night I got to thinking about next years' performance. I'm talking about a food fair in a neighboring village. It always irks me when they have kids play incredibly long, classical pieces. There was a kid who is quite talented, but I don't think that the average person off the street is a lover of classical music, at least not here. II begin to think about what the perfect song for me to play would be. It would have to be something that either people have heard before or one that they would find catchy even if they hadn't heard it. What piece have would I play if I could play anything? "The Sting?" No, it's been done to death. "Music Box Dancer"....mayybeeee. Then I rememberd a song that my mother always loved because of the player's style. I never realized it was country, which is strange since my parents listened to nothing but country for awhile. I guess if it wasn't a banjo or a fiddle.... I now have the music and I'm almost through it. Maybe by next July it will be ready. It's only the easy version, but I think it sounds reasonably. Can't wait until I'll be able to play the real version. It's called, "The Last Date". While hunting around the 'net, I was startled to learn, after all these years, that there are lyrics. (They aren't on the sheet music either.) When I looked them, oh, could I tell that this is a country song. The typical tearful breaking up song, only this breakup came before marriage unlike so many country songs. Please don't tell my teacher that there are lyrics. Not that I wouldn't want her to sing it, but I think the lyrics ruin the song. Don't know why I like the video of the scrolling old record albums better than the one of him actually playing it. If you happen onto this page, please give it a listen. I think you'll enjoy it!

monthly post. kidding. not really, or am i?

lack of interest. kids are good. average. better than i, which is great by any feat.

busy, yet nothing really of interest happening.

life.

that's it.

trying to manage while drowning, but i am working on help. trying, but not really sure how hard or if it's really enough.

tired

scared

exhausted

frustrated

he's been helping-but only at my stubborn consistant request. i complete tasks, and would expect the same from him-but double standard. he's got so much going on. i'm angry because it feels like nothing is happening unless i ask, or i do it. i shouldn't have to ask. it should just be done.

maybe i expect too much. he can't pull his own weight i guess. frustration talking. he tries. or maybe i tell myself that so i feel better at the end of the day. i try. i fail. i get back up and try again.

there's only so much i can do as a person. i want to do so much, but i'm limitted. limitted by income, by statute, by physical means. really.

we don't have time for ourselves anymore. we don't make the time. too busy fighting, or ignoring each other. or so it feels on my end. maybe that's not it at all. maybe my avoidance and my denial are taking its toll. i'm just waiting for something to change, and i know it won't.

my friends are all married and happy. i've been inconsitant. i love my kids. i have moments when i love my relationship. i have moments and thoughts when i feel like i can never fully commit. it's not him any longer. its me.

thats it. its me.

'rents coming in for turkey day, and jim's parents (recently married after yrs together) and Grams all in one house. we'll see how it goes. i'm hoping for the best. at least i'm not cooking, just hosting. i'll still probably overdo the little bit i am doing-like stovetop stuffing, dinner rolls, extra potatoes... i'll let you know.

How wonderful that Laura Bush and Sarah Pailin are giving Michelle Obama parenting advice. Hello! Maybe they could tell her what NOT to do. Maybe Brittney can chime in while they're at it. Uck!  The Obamas seem to be doing a wonderful, loving job and I can't wait to catch glimpses of the two precious girls. Keeping CNN on quite a bit while I'm working from home, I've noticed something from watching the same few clips over and over: Milia (whom I understand is the older sister) seems to do a little hop from time to time. Reminds me of one of the Irish dancer girls. The only thing that worries me is that everyone tends to say, "Sasha and Milia". Shouldn't the older one go first. We always say my daughter's name and then my son's. Fortunately he isn't one to let something like that bother him. Those girls don't seem to battle like mine anyway. I could just see us trying to physically seperate them while still managing to face the camera and smile. Shivers!

Best thing that happened to me today:

Miracles happen! After two days of headaches upon realizing that Century school screwed up and didn't attach my cover letter to our Pie Bonus Days Market Day fundraiser form.....after feeling guilty that I didn't have the time or ambition to babysit them on this simplest of tasks...that I didn't make the instructions more remedial.......I found out that our sales numbers are in line with the other schools. Truly a miracle!!

Worst thing that happened to me today:

I witnessed a bird death. We had a fall arrival of literally hundreds and hundreds of starlings, the grass was thick with them, the sky was thick with them. Our little Mango got to see them and was fascinated. I leashed up the dogs, purloined my husband's gloves (next time I'll make sure to get a matching pair or at least a right and a left, not two rights)....remembered the poop bags, and headed out. We turned into the cul-de-sac just a house away, and I heard a loud "smack!" like a cymbal. I saw the huge flock fly over the roofs and saw the poor bird fall. It must've hit the metal stove-pipe like chimney and landed on a steep pitched roof. I wondered what I would do. I don't know the homeowner. There were no windows near the poor creature. I stood stock still. No motion was detected. I reluctantly resumed our walk. Upon our return, about 20 min. later, I still saw no movement. A few hours later I had to go out....to pick up Market Day forms from the schools, what else? I drove by the house. No sign of the bird. It had been raining, but not horribly hard. Should I leave a note informing the homeowner that there may very well be a dead bird in their gutter, thus explaining a strange problem, should it arise?

Why am I so nuts about animals? Today there was an ad on tv featuring a paralyzed veteran. I fast forwarded through that to get to the next commercial to show my kids....a football player encouraging us to join the ASPCA. With his gorgeous, but maybe funny looking dog sharing touching moments, he was the anti-Michael Vick. Don't get me started on the gorgeous, healthy plant that I rescued from someone's trash a few months ago..spotted while walking the dogs btw. What kind of a person throws out a healthy, living plant? Even my mother-in-law, who isn't into plants because of the dirt, would at least give it away to someone else. I've seen this lady. She talks on her cell and makes no eye contact when I walk by. She has little kids. I think the plant was a baby gift because the pot is wrapped in pink foil and it was a pink heart on a stick stuck in the soil. UGGGHHH!

I have decided that one thing that I would like to do before I die is to experience paranormal phenomena...see a ghost if you will. My only other thing that I'd really like to do is to fly over an ocean. I think that me and my kids should form our own ghost hunting team. My husband seems all for it, so who knows if he will want to join in. I know that I/we should go on some 'investigations' with a readily available crew; a local group from neighboring Will County to get some experience. I'm also the type that would be perfectly happy to go along with a group, not insisting on being my own boss. It's a bit far...I might have to drive to some unfamiliar place..in the dark! Some of their 'investigations' go through the night and staying up very late has always had miserable effects on me regardlesss of my age at the time.

I found out that the equipment needed is affordable. In the 'olden days' it seemed like the equipment was huge, cost hundreds and hundreds of dollars, and was not portable.

This hobby meets my criteria:

1. I must buy lots of equipment.

2. I can buy two or more books on the subject that will probably contradict each other, thus adding to the confusion.

So, now we need to:

1. Find out what equipment to buy (there's that word..buy. yum yum.)

2. We need a name. I'm not sure that we should use our last name, the name of our suburb, or anything that would make it easy to trace us, as we might need to go to places where we shouldn't. The name should make a smart acronym--like TAPS (The Atlanta Paranormal Society). We can then design a logo (I know, that should not be left to amateurs) so my husband can print up some jackets or something.

3. There is no three.  Not yet.