1/1/2010 - First Day of 2010
Greetings, Once Again!
Here I am, day two and having to expose my life one more time, for the sake of journalism!
Today, wasn't so out of the ordinary. I had to get my material together for my herbology class on Sunday. The Ancient Religion class went smoothly and one of my students is absolutely brilliant. I enjoy teaching him, because sometimes... I become the student with all of the research he does.
Linda called and she will be leaving for Vermont next Monday. She did not sound happy, but she wasn't crying her eyes out either. That was a plus! Maybe, she will see Jeff while she is there. I encouraged her to at least, try and call him. Jeff was her best friend in school and then latter, her first boyfriend. Linda went on to college and met Mike. Jeff went on to college and met his work. Linda got married and Jeff built his own business and never married. She seemed reluctant to contact him, but she needs a friend right now, not a lover. She is too self-conscious to even think of having a lover in her life, because of Mike's reaction to her disfigurement. I would not think much of her, if she ran off and had a relationship, while still being married to Mike anyway. No matter what he has done, it just would not seem right. At any rate, Jeff would certainly be a great friend for her right now. Who knows, maybe someday, a love in her life too.
I should be thinking more about my own life in 2010. A friend mentioned I needed to think of my own desires, hopes and aspirations. "Oh, my stars! What if I don't have any!" I need to think and re-think! I have to have something, somewhere, wouldn't you think? I will "think" about this some other time. Promise!
We did not get the snow, as perdicted. That certainly was a good thing, since snow can keep you trapped from going anywhere. Not that I have anywhere I need to go to at this moment, other than a nice long walk with nature. I love nature and my home is even a hunk of nature. I live in a house that some describe as a tree house.
My husband purchased this home for us, two years before he passed away. At first, I was not too happy over leaving a home we had so many memories in. A home that was filled with white walls, blue carpet and lots of ceiling to floor windows. A home we had shared laughter, friendship, tears and hopes, within its structure. It was not a house. It was my memories! Even with my baggage of sentiments, off to the tree house we went! Now this house made of huge logs, carries memories too. Some of those memories are hurtful, but for the most part, some are very enchanting.
The tree house? Yes, it is a two-story, log house, nestled within a forest of magnificent, anceint and not so ancient trees. It is peaceful and comforting here. It became my solitude while Alan was so sick. Now, it brings me comfort, even though, I feel sad over all of the trees that were cut down, just to build it. Fortunantly, I was not around to whitness the mass distruction of the trees, or this house would have "never" been created. It was thirty years old and abandoned for three, when we purchassed it.
I ended 2009 with a new friend, which if it hadn't been for my daughter, I would have never met. Her encouragment of getting involved with email pen pals, turned out good in many ways. I posted my profile, with her standing over my shoulder. She wanted to make sure I went through with it and she would not leave, until I pushed the "send" button. I have used a computer for many years for writing, but the internet was not within my world, until my daughter and son-in-law decided to get wireless internet on my beloved laptop. "Socialize!" was their last words as they finished setting it all up, and walked out. Of course, I never even went on-line. Why? What was the reason for it? I am sure they knew I would react in this manner, so they got to work. First, they had Mr. Henderson call me about a writing course. Then they set me up to receive emails from people whom I did not even know! I was beginning to resent my own daughter for putting me in a situation that I was uncomfortable with. But, I knew she was trying to snap me out of the anti-social concept, that I had created around me, after Alan died. "Mother, you don't have to answer everyone who emails you, but I certainly hope, you will make an effort to answer, someone!" My daughter blurted out in fustration.
Emails started coming in. I would read them and endlessly delete them. Then, I am not sure why, I answered one. For some reason, I just decided, I would and I have to admit, I was tired of my daughter asking each and everyday if I was emailing. (laugh) So, I started corresponding with a man from Canada about his country, his work, his way of life and his desire to find a "soul mate". I still correspond with him, and he knows "I am not his soul mate". That is a relief! I also correspond with a very nice lady from Australia, who has a very large, happy family. I love reading her stories about her life. She is wonderful! Then, I received an email from someone in England. At first, I wasn't sure I wanted to open the email. I was very busy and felt content with the two new friends I was emailing already. Surely, my daughter would think two, were enough! I already knew she didn't!
That last moment, of deciding to read that email, has been a wonderful encounter, one might say. It has been an experiance, I would have never thought possible. What could I not think was possible? To really tell someone what you feel. I have always been capable of telling someone what I thought, but my feelings where never exposed to others. Sure, you may shed tears in front of them, laugh or even show emotions, for that matter. But for anyone to really know my gaurded thoughts and feelings.... no, I never let that happen until, the friend from "across the pond". I look forward to his emails, filled with light hearted humor, suggestions and insight. I think the reason I am able to express my feelings and thoughts with him, is because he is so far away, which gives a presona of safe. But to be honest, I think it really has to do with his delightful personality and his ease of who he is and his persistence to "Run", from our private joke concerning fate. Probably, without having corresponded with him, I would have never been able to write this journal. Why? Because I never put my "feelings" out for everyone to see them. I have a private journal that has all of that in it. I wll never expose all of my feelings within this on-line journal, but at least, I can write about "some" of them. Which is something I have never done before.
So, where will 2010 lead me? Only fate has the answers to that and I really do not trust fate, at this point in my life. I don't intend to run from it though and I have no intentions of hiding from it either. But, I may try to avoid encountering it! (laugh)
2010 should turn out to be a very interesting year, for Mr. Henderson, myself and the guy from "across the pond".
Happy New Year Everyone!
