Greetings,

Here it is 1:19 in the morning and I have to get this entry completed.

Where do I start concerning this dreadful day? I guess, all of us have one of those days that nothing seems to go right. Well, this was mine.

Linda is returning from her visit with her sister on Friday. I am to meet her at the airport. She did not sound real happy on the phone and said she would talk to me about it on Friday. I called James and his wife and cancelled plans we had made to go to a dinner theater Friday evening. I can’t be at the airport and dinner all at the same time. Linda’s husband called me and I was really upset with him, because he could care less how she is doing. All he wanted, was to know if she obtained a lawyer yet and if so, who?

This made me realize what path is really right for me to venture upon.

I am going to pour myself into work, writing and my family. I have no intentions of letting another man into my life. Not ever. It seems relationships are just a complicated mess. I don’t have time for the pain of it all. I am so glad, I had someone special in my life, even if it wasn’t a lifetime.

I am sure there are some good men in this world, but why take a risk, a chance, to stumble upon one like Linda has? What a heartbreak!

I told my daughter to STOP trying to set me up with email sites, pushing me to go into a direction I just do not need. Her intentions are good, but if I choose not to socialize with today’s men, well that is my choice. When I went to my email account to send a message to a friend it was filled with replies from lonely men who were looking for their soul-mate, a romantic other, a new wife and whatever else you could ever think possible. After reading a few of them, I just started deleting emails without even opening them. I even got an email from one site she had posted on saying they thought my picture was of Elizabeth Taylor and requesting me to send another one! Wow! That was interesting since it really was and is a picture of me. A Glamour picture, but never the less, a *real* picture of me. I did not even email my friend after all of this mess and I called my daughter instantly. I told her in a very stern, but kind voice to “Knock it Off!” Her good intensions has created me to want to forget about ever having a relationship within my life. Maybe, that is why I took the new assignment at the Laboratory. So I could just poor myself into a world away from personal issues.

I am too old to deal with the dating world of today! (laugh) Really! I am! I may not look my age, but I sure feel it right now. Am I going crazy? No, I am simply looking at the reality of it all. I analyze everything and this just doesn’t have a rational equation for me. Am I ranting? YES!

After the email nightmare, I turned off the phone, and sat with Thunderheart for a while. I had no desire to fix dinner so I had a glass of wine with crackers and cheese. I kept saying to myself, “Relax, calm down, breath!” I have to just breath and get through each day as it comes. I have to continue finding the strength to help me enjoy each new day and to stay on the path I have chosen for myself. I need to make sure I stay on this path and not stray off of it.

I need to bring down the Moon, cup it in the palms of my hands, and wish upon a star, that everyone I hold dear to me will have happiness, peace and all that they hope for within their lives…. will come about. Maybe, I should choose a wishing star for myself too. I just do not know what to wish for.

Maybe, tomorrow’s entry will be on a much better topic. I hope for your sake, it is!