i cannot find my topcities site with the oracle page so until i either can find it or i set it up again on another hosting service...i will write it here with sarah...

8/22/2008

ah but it were for a bird

or a tree

or a flower or a butterfly

i would die

were it not for such things

Sarah at 4 and 1/2

already knew it was wrong -

she had been listening and learning

fo a long time -

4 and 1/2 years is a long time

when you are only 4 and 1/2 years old.

they want you..it said..

she didn't look at whoever it was..

to be the pig-hole keeper -

she knew what it was

but she'd rather not remember

or think about it -

she tried to blot out the memories

and not shake and not feel sick

or be angry -

all you have to do is give them the needle

and be nice to the people who come to pick them up.

then when you see them anywhere lose your memory.

you have to start now so you can learn the cut-offs so

you're used to forgetting and then you will be worked in

about 13 years old and go from there,

they think you are so smart

that you can help modern medicine by your findings.

for they are going to try to train the world

to eventually use dope thru sex and training children

from when they are too young to understand

and retrain the public acceptances gradually

for what is now called horror

to become known as normal and natural.

someone is trying to become very rich

(yeah thought Sarah.. the wrong way)

and they want you to help them

and you can alleviate..they said..suffering

along the way

with your fine mind and knowledge

but let the monies go to the deserving person

who becomes rich

a spiritual person like you doesn't want money

they will give you what you need..

Sarah felt sick again..

she tried not to panic..

no she said finally able to speak..

 a tear dripped down the side of her face..

Spirit cried she said.

she reiterated more emphatically -

no I will not

no..

the person was shaking their head

she said ..no.. and mentioned Spirit again..

the person will insult you publicly then

said the voice

something about a 'witch'..

Sarah felt another drop fall on her face

'witch' was so beautiful under normal conditions

it meant wisdom and Sarah already had a picture

of wisdom in her mind

it was a dark page with a small beautiful white glow on it

how anyone could want to destroy that

Sarah could not imagine

how it came to be there like that

in her mind

it just felt so natural and right

she did not understand this other horrible mess.

she doesn't care said the voice adamantly

about your catholic religion

she's a small child and she doesn't like you

or your money or your training

alright i'll find someone else

Sarah sighed inside with relief

she was off the hook

it wasn't until later

that she wore the brutality of the sickie

at the other end of the phone

thru a paid butcher

she put the story together herself many years later

after enough had happened to show her

the means and methods of the group...

but how could she put it together

until she was older

and might remember and that

is what the caller wanted

children who would forget.

Many years later Sarah

would piece together the horrid story

and try to tell it to herself

piece by piece until she knew

the whole thing in order to prevent it

from happening to her.

To have knowledge

to be forearmed and forewarned

helps prevention of crime against you.

There was a group of rich rich people

in powerful positions

who kept 'pig-holes'

if the pig-hole knew it was considered

as a receptacle or 'toggle-bolt'

or companion sexpartner or wife or husband

and co-operated

it would be trusted enough

to be treated as though with respect

but it was expected to continue its injections

and heavier doses as the instigating initiator

and companion grew into stronger cravings

for the dope needled and needled again into the 'companion'

or 'pig-hole's' body..

the whole thing made Sarah feel sick for the person..

and so the person in the important position..

Sarah realized..

was looking clean

and his or her companion or spouse was not...

but mostly noone knew or even cared

at least to Sarah and the other victims

it seemed that way.

but she knew they were blaming the needle recipient

if the person got caught using the powders

because the needle holes examined by police doctors

were obvious and besides

Sarah knew from listening and being abused by these crooks

and by the stories the others

and even children had told her

that if one person is needle doping

or taking anything at all

that the one they are close with

and share bodies with in sex

gets part of that dope influence in their system too

that's why they were doing it

but the one who was using the doped one

kept demanding more and more ingestion

and absorption by them

that's why they called them pig-holes

nasty thought Sarah at eight years old

when they mentioned the subject in front of her

again

as she refused once more..

foul said Sarah out loud at fifteen..

you..said the voice..

will not make sixteen and innocent..

for i will see to it

for telling me 'no'!

I hope they catch you one day

thought Sarah.

why should the world have to live under

the insult of something like that -

meanwhile the pig-holes- went on

maybe not even knowing

and being in a drunken psychosis

agreeing and agreeing and

agreeing with a needle

of blank-out and who am i

and until death do we part

and wearing the ineffable beauty

of the needle of bliss

until too late the ugly

and cannot be returned

to the natural

for a cruel taskmaster

is the powder within

or without

and so is Nature

exploited and disravined

and disrupted

and made un-normal

and somethings never change

back to normal for once

disturbed never fixed

and the wrong angel of death

stalked the people

making pig-holes of normal babies

with a needle

calling victims prostitutes

and sausage meat on farms

and giving gifts of sausage to

those who told on drugs

and then telling the police

that they were cannibals.

all the old prostitutes of

twenty-two go there

they told Sarah at 5

you will too

because we will force you

to be a prostitute

and end up at the sausage factory

Sarah shivered her whole life long

when she remembered

for she knew it was

she knew they did this

but nowhere did she see it in the news.

Say Sarah

...and the world had returned again

into Sarah's sleeping mind ...

but it was the world

the way Sarah wanted it

and would like it to be

not the way it really was...

*

she has a prediliction

they said

towards snakes and a female psychosis

of fear therefore towards the human male

and its anatomy so

we decided to punish her in our innocence

and sex her towards normality as we understand it.

oh well then said the judge

go to jail

Sarah had not wanted to hear it again

she had heard the sick explanation

of the criminal

several times already

why would she want to hear it again in court

she thought she would throw up

six or seven how old was she now

or was she really sixteen or seventeen

and it was happening to her again

to her sad sick mind that knew what they were doing  was wrong..

Spirit would help somewhere..somehow..

The Death Angel with Jake the Snake Spirit and his rasping buzz

would come along and take her home..

or remove the enemy.

Sarah knew.

Jake the Snake looked

just like a man spirit but he

worked with and for The Death Angel Spirit.

Both invisible forces of power within the Universe.

Sarah knew.

In the presence of The Angel of Death who was invisible to most but to Sarah he looked like a man

a very handsome man with dark hair and pale skin..

most people also paled..

and Jake they called the snake was the ominous silence with the sudden buzzing rasp that

sometimes accompanied His Death Angel Master.

creating silence momentarily within those around him..

Mostly Sarah didn't see them..

she 'felt' their presence and heard their ominous sounds..

Sarah had a great respect for this occult phenomena ..

after all..all one had after birth was death as a for sure

and who wanted it to arrive too soon................

(to be cont'd one day)

Some sort of snake race was a big problem. If you said you didn't like it they put it on you and if you said you did ...they expected you to participate and hurt someone along with them.

Trying to remember how it started with her only gave her a headache. She could barely recall anything past the horror of seeing what seemed like a million snakes of various sizes rushing up the stairs and across the landing towards her and landing all in the room at once. Then the fight amongst them was enough to kill you from fear if they didn't from nature.

Sarah knew so many things

fear

snakes

races

fear

snakes

races

some cruel person put a radio whistle

like a telephone signal

in the room and

didn't tell you

a little child.

Then they sounded the signal like a telephone call

from outside

then all the snake owners

who had trained their snakes for this evil

let loose their creeps

with their radios attached

and they all went racing up the stairs

towards the signal

like so many other times

and places before

if you were really unlucky

or some human creep

had put you on a 'list'

they might have set up a tape or film

to record the whole thing

including youto show to your enemy

whichever sick minded person it was

from age birth to five

who could possibly have an enemy?

well Sarah was finding out ...

she could...

later she would realize

that people like that

just did that because they were sick ...

mentally...

and they didn't care...

people like that

could only be made to care by the authorities...

some son of a snake was to blame

thought Sarah.

perhaps she could grow up

and have figured it out

then she could tell everyone

in a story and then they would know to be careful

of people pretending to be innocent of snakes..

Snakes had friends she was told

after she got home from a lengthy stay at the hospital

No friend of a snake is a friend of mine said she.

Thinking that she was allowed to speak

her mind in her own space.

Not so said the criminal element and

started its rot on a victim again.

Sarah...said Sarah...will.

One day...said she...amongst the inevitable conflict

that arose

One day...Sarah...will..

and everything flew out all over the room..

that's what it looked like to Sarah..

why should she care what it looked like to anyone else..

there was light..

bright white light

flying everywhere..

great fractures and pieces of blinding white light ..

like huge jagged pieces of broken glass but in white light pieces

shooting out all over the room

Sarah didn't want to listen to 'rot'..

it was just someone's noise..

she already knew what it meant ..it meant..

that they were trying to coerce her to their way

instead of allowing her the freedom of her own thinking

to be a thinker was Sarah's desire

and to grow up to be a thinker was Sarah's hope for adulthood

and so they let her..

actually she had found the key..

then as soon as she had answered their 'questions'

that identified her intelligent means ..

they stole her ideas and threatened her and her family some more..

Sarah was not long in telling the police

and these were not long out of jail..

and that was Sarah's life for a long time ..

telling the police

because the criminals were stubborn and dumbhead

but one day the police had seen the pattern

and the use of it on others not just Sarah

and they were able to gain results on breaking it down.

That was a time of rejoicing for Sarah

quietly within..

for much of her family had been lost by now

to the time of struggle and the wrong ways

of gang and terrorist victimization and battle

so Sarah, you see, could never forgive

the culprits..

neither could Sah, or Srah, or Serah, Seraphim

the Cherubs of Sa...........

never ever in any Eternity.

But that is what 'thay' do to everyone 'thay' don't want for whatever reason..

'thay' call them bad or a witch or unco-operative or

non-compliant and damage and damage and damage them

until they are dead ...

because 'thay' are the unwanted and unneeded and unnable to be helpped..

Sarah could ....see...the world..............see...............

and then she fell asleep...

again............

it's raining said Sarah...

yes..I said..it's raining...raining..raining..

yes said Sarah...raining........

litlle blue bird

little red feathers

you used to be my friend.....

Sarah was writing a poem

at eight she was already someone else

a poet of self esteem

a writer of worth

if only she could remember it

instead of writing it

so that they wouldn't steal it

and sell it for themselves

so she coded it

little blue bird

little red feathers

somehow she would remember

blue birds came to see her

in summer and spring

red cardinals wet with icy snow

melted by noon

on their fluttering wings

in the garden

Sarah told noone

of her beautiful secret

birds from Sarai

Angel Sarai

her friend with a similar name

little blue bird

little red feathers

I will help you remember it

said Angel Sarai

and when you are free

and older

we will write it

together.

Put it in your mind like this

your word redcardinalbird

their word redfeathers

your word bluebird

their word little blue bird

thankyou said Sarah

sighing

it was too much to think

that it might really

come true one day

that she would live

long enough to outlive

her desecrating enemy

and so when noone

was there

Sarah sang

about many things

but she didn't know

they were listening

and they stole that too

so she stopped

singing

and for awhile

it worked

then the sky lady

of the trees

said she would come

and help Sarah

with her panther

of Spirit

and they would

kill the evil beast-man

and there would be

a picture too in the news

so Sarah would know

after all this butchery

they were stealing too

and the sky people Spirits did not like it

so Sarah waited and waited

but the sky tree lady said

the picture would not come

til today

many years later

til today

and there it was

in the news

it took Sarah a long time

to remember

cause she was

many many years older

but remember she did

just as she and the sky lady

of the trees

remember the Being Azrael

they made her explain

her way

many years ago

60 maybe or something

many things she said

in your world

have been spelled wrong

down thru time

and many Spirits of deep power

on the planet

insulted by the human greedy ambition

and insulted by the mispelling of

their name

why do you think the world is

in such of the mess

it is........

look how many ways they

have mispelled even this

one Spirit's name.......

but they did not believe her

but she believes

for the sky tree lady's

picture arrived today

where she could see it.....

on the news...........

a sign to always remember.....

a sign to always know...

I want to be accepted

for who I really am

said sincere people

not the fake someone

else can make me into

by demand

to gain something wrong

for themselves....

they have a right to know

thought Sarah

who they are...

maybe someone

is expecting too much of them

so they'll fall

on their face publicly

and look stupid....

Seer...see..ed  and said and listened but

there was silence

and only could be heard

the rushing of the seas

and the tumbling of the breeze

thru the cattails

and fire rumbling in the depths of the earth

and the ground sighing

to be still...

and still she listened..

til she heard what she already knew...

only she was listening

those who should have didn't

and those who would later

would fall to the way

of the deaf

until its ears

were too numb to hear

and only the real would be saved...

...it kept coming back

said Sarah to herself

at seven years old

thinking if she talked in the past

that she could face the trouble better.

it kept coming back so I have to figure

it might come back some more

they did say that they would lurk

on my life forever that I live.

they would take up work where I would be

and starve me out of my finances

and block my way

stunt my chances

and run me over

then kill and criminalize me

in the street

even caramelize me

in the street...

well may I be ... then

'the worlden'

slaved to the future

of criminal injustice.

but so do they enslave themselves to me

the world of this kind

then become they the world enslaved

to the worlden slaved

a circle of horror and uselessness

a place where all end up in jail

a life with no precious freedom

some one day

perhaps they will not return

to my life

or anyone else's

maybe fate or god or goddess

or authority

will divert them to a place

where all will be safe

from then on...

the worlden slaved

to the job

of undoing

the world enslaved

to the crime of world

enslavement

to the awareness

of the undoing

of itself

so that it can be

a world aware

of real life

and real happiness

and real paths

of truth.........

Sahr.......spake

and the clouds parted and there was a rainbow amongst them and the words were true and truth was known for what it was and the soul of man in an accord of individual harmonies of spirit knew..for is that not soul asked Sere....that all feel what it is innately and yet are individuals in the state of spirit and soul also..where spirit understands individually..soul knows inherently..yet the most important knowing here today is that the soul is individual as well as the spirit but of the same species such as animals are all lions or all frogs or all big cats and so on....

and Seer spoke and Sere explained and Sahr described and yet were all one but separate in one person...and the others listened and understood when Sahr spake...and knew the truth of knowledge...

Sarah Sarah little lamb

fuhf fah fee fum fo

prom pram

how would six months old

you see

be a joving rhapsody??

Sarah Sarah little fun

how am I so dum de dum

sum of tree

and som of troe

fum de dum de dom de do

if you sit upon a tree

way up high at two or three

does that mean that gilrs

are cool

or does that mean

we don't want you

or was that one

the guy next door

or maybe even four more doors

so Sarah do you know

your name

disguised as woman

much to blame

what care you for early youth

obviously you came here to mess up

everything...

how the hell

could you get born a girl

these other people don't want you

what do we do

how could you possibly

have screamed when they baptized you

with the snake

you will now be its prize

you made your mistake

way back then

your problem

not mine...

Sarah

know what

a knife feels like?

see in your face

this is a snake

give it your dinner

and some of you too

I've had it with you

you should never have said

no to the snake

in front of the guys

they all like snakes

they would have liked

you if you had said

you would keep the snake

what do you mean they are afraid

at five you can't know that

how about I punish you

so they won't

cause they are much worse

than me

how about I force your parents to

punish you ...

how Sarah

why is it Sarah

ever hear

finally Sarah had found a day

that noone was bothering her

nothing was wrong

and realization had set in...

problem was though,

she couldn't find herself

and she wondered where she went

until she was a little older

then she realized that

she only became Sarah

when they started

whoever it was....

when it began

Sarah

said someone

and Sarah she became

..I...said Sarah

wonder who I am

when I am not me Sarah

and then she forgot again...

that's the way that is you know

there's another one

then there's you

but you keep forgetting

cause there's nothing you can do

until they're all gone

and you didn't do it...

and you pray for a God

that will make death soon

but not for you

so you think about him too

and why if he made the sky

and the earth and stuff

why did he make these kind of people

but the sky and the earth and stuff

don't say anything except

when it starts

they call

Sarah

Sarah

and you can't remember

anything

after that......

except useless time

when you pretended

fun was fun

but it wasn't

and that you liked being here

but you didn't

and that you had to pretend

to like famous people

saying rude disprespectful

things to a kid who

couldn't remember who she was

and called herself

Sarah...

sick people...

people whose faces you see

on television

people who think that

money and attention

are the whole thing

people who can't remember

their names either

like

that's your buddy

and

cockroach

and

fatso

and

rollo

and much more than that

and you better not remember

our names Sarah

or we'll beat you

and poke you

and bleed you and

call you names again

Sarah Sarah Sarah

nothin you can do

while you hear

how much money I made

singin

and I made

drummin

and I made

in sports

and on and on

and on....

hit her again

Sarah the hit

five years old you said. bitch?

nod your head or

I'll break your neck again

Sarah, bitch....

Sarah's night sky

was full of twinkling

silent beautiful

twinkling...

she made it...

she spited them

the best way she could

she stayed alive

after they were all gone...

Srah  Srah

forever...but not you, you are dead...

and the sky said

rain rain ..go away

but who...

and it rained in

buckets of doom and oceans

bigger than their hatred

and their crime grew

as it had upon her

and all saw it

and knew....

water water floating Sarah

who are you now

Sarah

love the rain

Sarah

it washes everything clean....

forever....

forevermore....

Sarah black raven

beautiful soul

Sarah Sarah

good as gold....

Sarah

Sarah loved flowers like stars in the night sky

Sarah loved Sahr loved Sarai

loved flowers

many in the night sky

many on the ground........

beautiful flowers

the others said there was

something wrong with Sarah

for she could sit for the longest time

just thinking of flowers

and in the garden

she dreamed sitting amongst

she already knew that she knew

how to get up and play

how to walk down the streets for exercise

how to run skip jump and sing

well said someone

you must go to school soon

and there you will learn what you want to be

and they will help you concentrate your energies

into something you can be

i already am something said Sarah wisely

i am a person who

wants to fix the world

no said someone and everyone else

they asked

there are no jobs like that

you will have to do as you

are told

so did everyone else

so Sarah went back to sitting amongst the flowers

hoping she could change things....

everybody knew how to say no

but they didn't know how to hear it

from Sarah

oneday some people came by

and said we don't want you

thinking of flowers

anymore

because we don't have one like you

and we all have to be the same

all of ours think of things

the way the world is

so you will too

we told you this a long

time ago but you were very little

we expect you to remember now

you are almost to school age

and you will remember now

or you will wish you had.....

The World Enslaved......

Sarah cried inside

she couldn't even remember the faces

or what they had said after they left

all she could remember was that she couldn't

remember even who she was

because she wasn't supposed to remember

something she couldn't find

or something like that

she found herself crawling on the floor

she was back at babyhood

a voice said

it was after whatshisname and their group

of recommenders left......

it was ahwile before Sarah

remembered her name

they kept calling her something else

but she made sure to remind them

eventually after

she found her name again

that she was Sarah

they didn't like

the other names

of Sahr and Sarai and the stars of heaven

finally after a long time she remembered the flowers

and wondered why she had forgotten

in her baby brain

she did not have room

to remember the sophisticated

threat of adults

and so on and on the story went for years

of threats until she remembered

it all together at once

and was able to hide it

until it was gone

by its own death of age

or illness

or misfortune

and all the time

held in secret

the flowers and the stars

and her dreaming names

of herself

and her real names

and who she really was

that the world

disposed of

in its foolishness

and unintelligent symmetry........

Sarah the wise

Sarah the Maha

Sarah of the Flowers

Sarah of the answers....of the universe....

Sarah of the knowing.....

Sssssssssssssshhhhhhh of the Air

Sahhhhhhhhhhh of the Wind

Suhhhhhhhhhhhof the Flows of Heaven

Ssssssssssssssof the Ocean's Breath........

at four she felt these things

but mostly she knew

the evil of mankind

and stagnant devils.........

you're our slave

said someone coming by

to see her at four years old

the worlden slaved

said Sarah slowly

what! said the voice

her eyes so blurry

she could not see

Sarah never knew who it was....

slaved the worlden me said Sarah

just say you're my slave

said the voice

slaved was all they could get....

within ...a secret

not even Sarah knew

you will see

said real name

the world enslaved

in particular...you....

but even Sarah did not hear....

only the leaves on the tree near the house

and the flowers she still loved

and the roots of the trees

spread across the earth

and told everything

...and heard the sky

said Sarah in her sleep...

ssshhh said the Sahr part

go to sleep said

a shushing voice from within

sky will tell everything...

Sarah sighed and fell deeper asleep ...

and deeper asleep......

(to be cont'd)

Sarah couldn't finish...

she couldn't talk about it

anymore....

she felt sick...so sick...

it all went inside and she

pretended to be

someone else...

you see the evil kept

winning

at least that's

what it called it

it kept showing up

and half-fixing things

not all fixing things

cause then they would have been

fixed properly

but half-fixing things

and bringing in people

who said

oh well

it's their fault because

they're in it

and it's your fault

whispered one

to Sarah

because you won't do what you're told

so we suffer...

the criminal is more powerful

it said than anyone...

Sarah felt sick again...

Sarah was too little to understand

so she just cried inside

and pushed it back in farther

and when they all had to

be treated sick again

she just became herself

sick Sarah just like they said

might as well affirm their affirmation

everyone was going to believe them anyway

at least they were no longer

in that other place

someone smiled

cause they knew

Sarah trusted

that they would never

have to go back

to that other place again...

nazi

said someone

Sarah hoped she had fallen asleep

and was having a sick dream

nazi

said someone again

ssssshh

said a voice

someone might hear you

they thought they got us all

in Germany...

if we hide

we may have the

whole world.....

Sarah fell asleep

what was the use...

everyone ...

the whole world...

would have to be

responsible

and would they???

would they???

i found the last bad guy

he was a dull-headed buffoon

who ran with a crowd called

better than yours

in a cliche/

and the devil was there

telling me to call the police

how's that for a roundelay

best yet...

all they can learn from

is Satan as an Angel in a curse*

heard that one yet?

cause when i dropped his name

quiet ensued

it comes off in a curse from

a long-legged bitch who was duly insulted

offering to witness if you have to call

the police

cause the last bad guy showed up

with cotton in his mouth

instead of mental clarity

respect would have been nicer at the beginning

shame you have to be told His Name

to find it.........

but anyway thanks for raising his ire publicly

as needed and obvious....