The Girl In The Window

 She was as Irish as "Patty's Pig", yet her olive skin glowed with evidence  that she had the blood of the Spanish Conquistador's. Her eyes sparkled as she sat by her window and I wondered who this vision of an Angel could be. I wanted to say something, but she was three stories up. When she stood to look at me my heart throbbed wildly with excitement. Her cut off shorts showcased a beautiful pair of legs.

 "How could I only be living two blocks away from her and never have noticed her before,?" I wondered to myself.

 But then sadness crept into my heart when I remembered that I was on Grandma's block and I did everything to avoid walking on her block since she had passed away a few years ago, because I missed her and was so pained when ever I walked on the street were she once lived.

 Then I remebered that I was on that street because my Mom had asked me to pick up something at the store that day and I had to pass by there to get to that store. So I continued on to the store and never gave the girl in the window another thought again.

 Time passed and I started to feel very lonely soon after my high school sweet heart went to California to become a professional figure skater. A lot of girls liked me but I wasn't very happy dating them because none of them could fill the void of Maureens amazing intellectual capacity.

 Determined to search the world for my sould mate I joined the Navy. I met every type of woman that inhabited planet earth. Some were beautiful, some were very bright, but alas, none of them qualified to be my soulmate. Soon after leaving the Navy, I settled down to a mundane life again and very ordinary dating that while being okay, always seemed to lack that special ingredient.

 But often times I wondered if there really ever could be a recipe for a soul mate. Was I just a hopeless romantic that was setting a goal that was just forever out of reach. Then I would wonder how I would even know if I found a soul mate.

 I thought, "Will a bell go off in my head or something."

 But as time passed and I dated many beautiful women the empty feeling deep down inside me remained. No matter what I did, I was incomplete. I was desperate to feel whole, but wholeness still eluded me. I even turned to online dating sites to see if what I was looking for was out there somewhere.

 Then one day I went into a rant on an online dating site because they didn't have a box to check that said spiritual but not religious and it disturbed me deeply to think that people on that site might get the idea that I'm not spiritual just because I don't follow any one religion with lock stop authority.

 To my surprise I got a trememdous amount of letters in response to my religious tirade and having a photographic memory I stumbled upon one of the letters that contained the profile picture of that girl in the window that had lived two blocks away from where I once lived. I made no mention of that too her. I even teased her a bit and told her I thought she was Italian.

 I kind of liked her and we exchanged a few messages that at first were all about religion and nothing else. Then after a while she mentioned that she was a writer and she had read some of the things that I had written. As weeks marched on I complained to her that I was having trouble with my studies for a ten hour test I have to take soon for a certification. And then she wrote that she said a prayer that I would pass the test.

 And then all of a sudden it hit me like a ton of bricks. I had taveled all the way around the world to find my soul mate, but all that time, she was only living two blocks away from me.

8:55 PM - 9/3/2005 - comments {0} - post comment

The Script About My Ass

  Does anyone remember those early high school days? You know, the time when most of us started to discover the opposite sex in ernest, but we still weren't completly evolved yet. I can still remember those early day high school parties that we had.

 You know, those parties that you would have at a friends house where all the guys would gravitate to the kitchen, and all the girls would gravitate to an up stairs bed room to talk girl talk. We all thought we were so cool. Some guy would always find a way to sneak a six pack of beer into the kitchen and another guy would always have a pack of cigarettes.

 We would all take a small glass of beer and light up a cigarette and talk about what a buzz we were getting. While we were getting our little beer and cigarette buzz, we would start talking about what girls we thought were hot. Sometimes I wondered why the girls came to the party at all, they, always seemed to be upstairs.

 All that changed after a while, but it was a real evolutionary process. But while we were evolving, sure, all the guys knew about all the guy talk in the kitchen, but no one ever knew anything about what the girls were talking about upstairs. Well, that is almost no one knew.

 I overheard a very rare earshot of a conversation I wasn't supposed to hear. It was all very innocent of course, but rather interesting. This is how it all happened. I had to use the bathroom.

 I knocked on the door, and one of my friends said, "I'm going to be in here for a while because I feel like I'm going to puke."

 I thought okay, "I will use the upstairs bathroom."

 I got almost to the top of the stairs and I heard all kinds of laughter coming from the girls in the bedroom.

 I thought, "I wonder what it is thats so funny that they are laughing about?"

 Then I heard one of the girls say, "yeah that Kevin has the tightest ass."

 And another girl chimed in, "I couldn't keep my eyes off of his ass for the entire football game."

 I realised then, "They, were talking about my ass."

  I thought, "no one cares about all the touch downs I got or all the great plays I made. They're just watching my ass."

 Then another girl yelled, "yeah, I love that back field in motion."

 Another girl chimed in, "yeah, I just love seeing Kevin's ass in those tight football pants."

 "I'd love to squeeze those tight bunns," another voice cried out.

 And yet another voice said, "I get goose bumbs just thinking what it would be like to wrap my legs around his tight ass."

 Well, at first I was devestated.

 I thought, "all that pumping iron, all that hair blowing, all that expensive cologne."

  And what are all the girls looking at? "Its my ass, just my ass."

 Then I thought, "well, I better keep this little secret to myself."

 I thought, "if I tell anyone I overheard this conversation, they'll never be able to keep it a secret and it will get back to the girls."

 They kept talking and talking about my ass, but I couldn't listen any longer, I really did have to use the bathroom. So I used the bathroom and quietly slipped back down stairs again. Now I really needed a beer and a cigarette. So, I gulped down an entire can of beer and had a cigarette. But then I really started to feel weird.

 I thought, "woh, no more of that stuff."

  But then I started to think, "hmmm, maybe I can capitalize on this ass thing."

 I applied for a summer job, and the girl said, "oh, sorry, we have no more openings."

  Then she said, "your shoe lace is untied."

 I bent down to tie it. And then she said, "oh, I'm sorry, I made a mistake, we do have an opening."

 Now, I'm thinking, "hmmm, is this just a coincidence? Or was she really checking me out when I bent down to tie my shoe lace?"

 Then I would start to notice other little oddites. Everytime I walked into the office to look for a file I would hear all this typing. But as soon as I would turn my back and start looking for a file all the typing would stop. And then as soon as I got the file and turned around again, the typing would suddenly resume.

 "Another strange coincidence," I suppose.

 When I got my first paycheck from my summer job, I thought, "its time to do a little shopping."

 Yeah, I was going pants shopping, tight pants shopping.

 I thought, hmmm, how tight can I get pants to fit?"

 Then I headed out with my new tight pants. Wow, was I getting smiles.

 I thought, "screw the gym. The heck with pumping iron. I had it all together in one neat package."

 Then school resumed again, and I thought, "hmmmm, I wonder if I can get my marks boosted a bit higher if I have all female teachers?"

 So, I went in to see the Guidance Counselor, and asked, "could I have all female teachers?"

 "Why do you want all female teachers,?" he asked.

 I said, "I seem to pay attention better."

 He said, "well, I can give you all female teachers, except for gym class."

 "Great," I said.

 I couldn't beleive the difference. With all female teachers my marks were soaring. Every once in a while I would drop my pen or something in class and pick it up real slow just for insurance.

 What was really weird though, was that I was getting even better at football. It started to feel good just thinking that I was giving the girls a thrill. I felt like they weren't cheering for the team, but rather they were really cheering for me.

 After a while, I kind of even developed a little back field in motion wiggle. The girls were going wild.

 I thought, "hey, if you got it, flaunt it."

 When I graduated high school, I was hired by a Wall Street brokerage firm, but I had to take a medical exam before I could start working. I looked out the window in the Doctors examining room in awe at the sky line.

 As I marveled at the sites, I felt a hand tap on my shoulder. I turned my head to see a Nurse standing there.

 She said, "I have to take your temperature."

 As she held the therometer in her hand I opened my mouth expecting her to slip it in.

 She smiled and said, "no, this isn't going in your mouth."

 I asked, "where else can it go?"

 She said, "drop your pants and shorts and find out."

 I complied and as I layed down on my stomach, I could feel her stick the therometer up my butt.

 She started to chat with me and after a long while, I kind of wondered to myself, "why is she taking so long to pull the therometer back out of my butt?"

 Just then the Doctor walked in and asked the Nurse, "why are you taking his temperature in this fashion?"

 Her face now a bit blushed, she exclaimed. "oh I had some medical questions to ask him, and he couldn't answer them if the therometer was in his mouth."

 I thought, "hmmm, medical questions. I couldn't remember her asking me any medical questions."

 Then I thought, "hmmm, another one of those coincidences."

 The Doctor asked, "so whats the temperature?"

 With that she pulled the therometer from my butt at last, and said, "your temperature is perfectly normal. And what department will you be working in?"

 Special Note: This story is just a segment taken from the epic adventure story named Tiffany Stone(The Story)

7:22 PM - 9/3/2005 - comments {1} - post comment

Was I Talking To An Angel?

  I couldn't believe that I was all alone with part of the cross that Christ had carried. It felt so strange to think that just an ordinary person such as myself would now be in the presence of the symbol that had forever changed the world. Just a short while ago I had sailed the seven seas and had behaved like quite an ordinary sailor.

 But somehow my fate had now been cast with the Metropolitan Museum Of Art. Yes, I had a New York State Regents that certified that I was qualified for my position, but I had never taken Art very seriously other than to admire the works of the great ones. My most viable skill had always been accounting. But of course I became bored out of my mind by it, thus ending up in the Navy seeking adventure.

 I had been brought up as a Catholic, so of course I thought that religion must be some sort of an extension of Bingo. Despite going to eight years of Catholic grade school, they never let us within 200 feet of a  real Bible, so my entire concept of religion was that everything that was fun to do was a sin. We were taught that it was a mortal sin if a woman wore pants. And even if you never had sex with a woman, you were going  to hell if you even thought about it, unless you were married to her. So after coming to the conclusion that they were all out of their birds that went tweet, tweet, tweet, I decided to join the Navy and catch up with all those fun sins I had been missing out on.

 But now it was time to settle down and to have a normal job again. So, still bored with accounting, I played my art card and got a job with the Metropolitan Museum Of Art. But so much of the world had changed since all the years I had been away. I was surrounded by celebrities but I hardly knew who any of them were. I remember some crazed woman screaming at me one day demanding to know where her Gold Plates had been moved to. When I asked her why she was so concerned about what was going on in the Rockerfeller Wing she said, "don't you know that I'm Happy Rockerfeller?"

 So when the Vatican sent us the cross that Christ had carried I hadn't even been aware that it had ever existed. As I stared in amazement I heard the sound of someone coming toward me with the sound of a clanging key. It was a black guy dressed in a very faded looking suit.

 "How did you get in here,?" I asked

 "Oh, I have a key to every space in the Museum," he said.

 "Well, you'll have to sign your name on this list. They want a listing of anyone that's in this special gallery with the cross."

 "I'm always here, but I'll sign this anyway," he said.

 "I've never noticed you here before. Why are you hear anyway,?" I asked.

 "I came here because I wanted to meet you in person," he said.

 "I think you took a wrong turn somewhere, I'm not a celebrity," I quipped.

 "Yes, you're not, but you're more entertaining than you can imagine," he said.

 "Oh. I guess you heard about my not knowing who Dudley Moore was. The poor guy. He seemed so nice, but I never heard of his "Arthur" movie. I've just about been living in the jungle the last few years. They didn't have any "Arthur" movies there, but a woman I had been staying with seemed to be quite amused at the site of two lizards making love on her bedroom wall. I mean who needs "Arthur" when you have that kind of entertainment." I said.

 "So you don't know any of them,?" he asked.

 "I remembered who Tony Randall was. He walked into the office to see one of the paintings that's hidden from the public."

 He looked at the painting and then looked at me, and took a deep breath, and said "You're so lucky to be working here and being around all this wonderful art."

 I answered, "yes I am, but I'm quite willing to trade jobs."

 "So thats it?" he asked.

 "Oh, just one more. After several months of talking to her someone mentioned she was the President's daughter. And I thought she was so entertained with my sea stories at lunch time. I can't believe I never made the connection."

 She would say things like, "my Dad was in the Navy, my Dad was on a PT Boat."

 "I guess its a good thing I'm a Democrat."

 "So does America seem different to you after all those years,? he asked.

 "Well, this may sound strange to say, but I feel as if America has gotten a soul since I've been away. It seemed to hit me all at once while I was walking down the street the other day. I heard this voice that sounded like an Angel emanating from a Tavern. I had to go in and see who it was singing on the juke box. I found that it was someone calling herself Madonna and the name of the song was called "Like A Prayer,"   and what really struck me was that she didn't seem like the typical kind of person that would be singing a song that had vast religious connotations."

 "Why do you say that?," he asked.

 "Well, I had observed first hand what I thought at the time was a regional fringe religious movement. The people were very nice. They told me about things that they expected to happen in the future. I listened to be polite, but I really didn't understand it or even imagine the scope that it would encompass. It was just so strange. I was having lunch and a beautiful girl invited me to a party. But it was a party with cool aid and people playing religious music. At first, the only one there that made any sense to me was the girl's twelve-year-old sister that asked me if I thought she could ever become Miss America. I told her if that's what she really wanted, yes, someday she would become Miss America. And I guess she had faith in my judgement because she really did become Miss America," I said.

 "So, what sort of things did they tell you,?" he asked?

 "They told me that there would be a vast religious movement that would emanate in America and then travel to all corners of the world. But, at least, at the time, it was beyond anything that I could comphrehend. It just seemed so strange. She was one of the most beautiful woman I had ever met, but yet, romance wasn't on her mind, but rather she told me that she wanted to save my soul."

 "And did she save your soul,? he asked.

 "No she didn't. I just couldn't believe all the things she was telling me. I really couldn't fathom the idea that someone could be that good. But as I traveled I began to understand what she was saying. When I looked out at the vast oceans and then I saw natives that swam with sharks that were protected by their faith it all started to make sense. I mean I'm not even saying that there is a God for sure, but there is something. When I was sailing in the waters where Christ had fished I could feel some sort of presence. I felt an alpha and omega." I said.

 "There is a God. I have that from the highest authority. Trust me," he said.

 "Didn't Richard Nixon once say trust me,?" I quipped.

 "Oh yes, he did, didn't he. I guess now I'll have to come up with a new cliche," he said.

 Just then there was a knock on the door. As I got up to see who was at the door I observed my visitor and his clangy key melting into the Museum wall. The knock at the door was someone letting me know about the updated instructions from the Vatican. When I asked him if he knew who the guy was that signed the visitor book his face turned flush white as he said "that guy worked here, but he's been dead for fifteen years."

9:38 PM - 9/1/2005 - comments {0} - post comment

Sleeping With Another Man's Wife

 As my ship pulled further away from Port my pain grew until it became unbearable. If there were a God left that I still beleived in I would have prayed that I could have been transformed into a woman, so I could cry away the pain I felt.

 "Are you okay,?" my ship mate asked.

 "I'll never see her again and I'm just feeling a little dead inside."

 "Oh, is that all it is Mack? If ever I saw a woman love a man, Theresa loves you with all her heart and will be right here waiting for you when we return."

 "I'm not ever returning Mike. My years extension is up next week and I'm not extending any more. There is nothing left of me any more. I left my heart and my soul, back at that last Port."

 "You mean you're just going to walk out on it all Mack. Why, just tell me why."

 "I wanted to have a child with her Mike but she told me she couldn't."

 "You could adopt if she can't have a child Mack."

 "No, that's not the reason Mike. She's married. She's been married all along and never told me till last night when I asked her about having a child."

 "You mean you've been sleeping with another mans wife for over a year Mack. Why didn't she ever tell you?"

 "She said she thought I would leave her if I knew and she saw another woman with me in the tarot cards and wanted me while she could."

 Putting his arm around Macks shoulder Mike said, "I'm sorry Mack, I know how much she meant to you."

 "Thanks Mike, but you'll really never know what she meant to me. No one will ever really know. There was just no one like her."

 "How did you meet her anyway Mack."

 "I asked her if she was Jesus if you want to know the truth Mike.

 "And what did she say when you asked her that Mack?"

 "She asked, "what makes you think I'm Jesus."

 I said, "I don't think you look like Jesus at all. But at the same time I noticed a vision of a beautiful Mermaid that looked just like you my ship mate claimed he was seeing Jesus, so I just wanted to make sure that my eyes aren't playing tricks on me.

 "Do I really look like your Mermaid,?" she asked.

 "Yes you do, except that you're a lot prettier," I answered.

 "If you're trying to pick me up the answer is yes, because that's the best pick up line I've ever heard."

 "Oh, I've got lots more," I answered.

 "You think I'm putting you on Mike don't you."

 "Well, maybe just a little Mack.

 "But you're wrong Mike. She inspired me to reach beyond the mundane and hum drum. She made me feel clever and gave me a diminsion that I never knew I had."

 "So will you write when you leave Mack?"

 "No Mike, I will never write another comedy again, for my life is now to filled with tragedy. I will just use the skills I learned so well but never used to become filthy rich and just be as shallow and unhappy as everyone else on Wall Street.

 "You mean you'll never write anything again Mack."

 "Only one last thing Mike. I promised my cousin I would write a speech for her about how it feels to be a Nun for 25 years."

 "But how would you know Mack?"

 "What Mike?, you don't think all this time in the Navy qualifies me to know what its like to be a Nun."

 "Frankly, no I don't Mack. But you're going to do this anyway, aren't you?"

 "Yes, of course Mike, she's my cousin and she needs a speech."

 "You know your nuts Mack, don't you?"

 "Yes, of course I know I'm nuts? Now will you please take your arm off my shoulder Mike before everyone on the ship thinks were an item? And thanks, I decided not to jump. The sharks looked just a tad bit overweight."

 Special Note: This writer is now again inspired thanks to Anne Therese.

11:34 AM - 8/26/2005 - comments {1} - post comment

Tiffany Stone (The Story)

 Never before in the history of the world has there been a story such as this. And never again will there be such an event of unparalleld magnitude. And if the world ever falls into this sort of peril again, then it will be the final chapter of planet earth, because this miracle can not ever be duplicated again.

About Tiffany Stone
Tiffany Stone has given me permission to write her into my story and to use her name as the title.
Speicial Thanks To Tiffany Stone





This is a fictional story.
Tiffany Stone really is a Hollywood journalist and a movie script reader. But her appearance in this story is only fictional. But the description of how beautiful she is in the story is not fictional. She is very attractive. And yes, she does really have a blog, called Tiffany A Stone.Com.

Tiffany Stone Blog





Tiffany Stone
By Tim Mack


He thought. "What kind of dream is this?"


He felt as if he were in a dream that he couldn't awaken from.

He thought. "I must awaken from this dream and take charge of myself. But how? How can I awaken?"

At last, he was no longer soaring above the ocean at warp speed. He could feel his body, now splash into the water, as the impact pulled his clothes off. Now he could feel a terrible wet chill.

As waves crashed over him, he started to awake, but the waters were so frigid, he could feel himself going into a state of hyperthermia.

He thought. "I'm gone, and there is no Canada that I will see."

After a time, he could feel lips pressed on his. The lips were soft and sweet. He could smell the scent of a fresh morning bubble bath. He could feel hot air blowing into his mouth. But he could not move. His eyes refused to open. But he could feel the sun now. Then he felt tender fingers touch his face.

Hands were now pressing on his stomach and water started to flow from out of his mouth. He felt hot air again blow inside his mouth.

Gentle fingers touched his wrist, as he heard a female voice cry out." A pulse, a pulse."


He layed their helpless on the beach. He could not move, he could not see. He felt only the sensation of feminine hands all over his body.

Then he heard a female voice cry out. "Body heat. He must have lots of body heat. Its his only chance to get warm enough to survive."

His eyes, then started to open very slightly. He saw a woman standing over him, she had long strawberry blond hair that was rich with curls.

She was quickly undressing and revealing very, full and beautiful, breasts, a slim, wasteline and very, firm thighs. He then felt her body go underneath his. But, yet, then again, he saw the same woman standing over him and quickly undressing, yet, she was wearing different clothes.


Then she placed her body on top of his.

He thought. "What kind of woman, can be on top of me, and underneath me at the same time?"

And then he thought.

"Could this be Hell?"

"And I be damned."

"To feel this lust."

"Yet to frozen be."

"What were my sins?"

"For this to be."

"Frozen so helpless."

"Here for all eternity."

Suddenly, he started to feel a rush of heat spreading, all over his body. The heat from the woman's body above him, combined with the heat of the womans body underneath him was thawing him out rapidly now.

Then he thought.

"What madness can this be?"

"If I am not dead."

"I must be mad."

"To lie here with a woman that."

"That has two sets of hands."

"That warms me with two bodies yet."

"I may be back on earth again."

"But for sure, my mind."

"It must be gone."


Just then, he heard the sounds of laughter.

A female voice cried out. "A butterfly, a butterfly."

Another female voice, cried out. "Where?"

The other female voice replied. "On his butt. On his butt. He has a butterfly tatto on his butt."

Suddenly, he started to laugh. He said. "Oh, the butterffly. That was a very drunken night in Singapore."

He asked. "What ailment do I have, that I am seeing and hearing two of you?"

They both laughed together, and said. "We are twin sisters."

He laughed and said. "Oh, you mean that I have not gone mad."

"Thank you both for what you've done." He said.

One of the twins said. "We couldn't think of any a faster way to warm you up then using our combined body heat."

He smiled and said. "That was a lot more fun than hot soup."


One of the twins then said. "Come with us and we will give you a hot bath and get you some dry clothes to wear."

"The hot water felt good and it was nice to get that salty water off his body." He thought.

One of the twins said. "These are my brothers clothes, I think you are about the same size, he doesn't need to share them with a butterfly, but try them on, I think they will fit. But don't be in any big hurry eh."

He put the clothes on, and said. "The butterfly is very happy."

They both laughed, and one of the twins, poured him a Scotch, and said. "Here this will put some hair on your butterfly."

Once they realised he was okay, they became very curious and one of the twins asked. "How did it happen, that you washed up on this far away island?"

He told them, "I'm not exactly sure myself, but I will tell you what I can."

He told his twin rescuers. "I had fallen asleep on a couch on my ship and then somehow, I washed up ashore on your enchanting island. It makes no sense, but here I am. All I can remember is that I felt an incredible urge to smell a womans sweet perfume."

"Here you are how?" The other twin sister asked.

"I wished myself here is my only explanation." He said.

"I feel like being somewhere, where there is music and dancing." He said.

"And somewhere where you can smell lots of women's perfume eh." One of the twins remarked.

"Yes, I confess. I need to fill up my nostrils with the sweet scent of women and their perfume." He said with a smile.

"Sure you're not needing any more then just a sniff of a women?" One of the twins remarked with a seductive smile.

The twins then directed him to the only bar on the island. He liked the music and the place was packed with beautiful women. Noticing a woman leaning over the juke box whose breasts were bouncing in her tight top, he winked seductively and asked. "Could you play You Sexy Thing for me?"

She looked at Kevin as if he were piece of chocolate candy and said. "If I'm dreaming this don't anyone wake me."

"My name is Kevin. And where have you been all my life?" He said

"My name is Bernice. And I've been right here just waiting for you to walk in the door." She said.

Kevin moved his head close to her neck and said. "I love how you smell."

She put her arms around Kevin and said. "He's mine. I'll not be sleeping in a cold bed tonight."

Kevin then gazed into her eyes seductively and kissed her, as he felt her breasts press pleasantly against his chest.

Kevin thought to himself. "Its fanstastic that this place is filled with beautiful women. But why am I the only guy here?"

Just then one of the twins waved them over and said. "Come and sit with us. We ordered drinks for everyone."

Kevin took a swig of his drink and asked. "Am I in heaven, or is this a lesbian bar?"

The twin sisters laughed and said. "No, its just that all the men on the island are out fishing and you're the only male on the entire island at the moment."

It seemed as if every women in the place wanted to dance with him. The music was great, and word had gotten around about the butterfly tatto on his butt, and the women seemed to be enjoying him being the butt of all their jokes, so to say.

The woman behind the bar suddeny cleared the top of the bar counter and yelled.

"Come on sailor hop up on the counter and give us a dance". As You Sexy Thing started to play.

Being a good sport, Kevin jumped up and started dancing. Kevin started to playfuly unbutton his shirt as a bunch of woman started yelling.

"Take it off. Take it all off sailor. We want to see the butterfly."

Kevin thought to himslef. "I'll just strip down to my underwear."

Now with Kevin wearing only his shorts, the woman now sreamed loudly the words.

"Take it off. Take it all off. We want to see the butterfly."

Kevin yelled back. "Okay ladies. But this will have to be our own little secret. The UCMJ(Uniform Code Military Justice} doesn't allow me to be lewd. At least not in uniform anyway. But hey. I guess I'm not in uniform today anyway eh."

As Kevin turned around and lowered his shorts, the ladies clapped wildly at the site of his butterfly.

Hearing cameras clicking, Kevin pulled his shorts back up and turned around and asked. "Please? Stop ladies. No more pictures. I could be Court Martialed for this. Seriously ladies, I know a lot of women out there that could ID a picture of my butterfly."

But instead of stopping, they applauded wildly and kept clicking pictures. Kevin shrugged his shoulders as he started to dress and yelled. "How bout another Molson up here eh?"

An exceptionaly well dressed woman walked up to him. She absolutely radiated with beauty. Her long dark, brown hair and hazel eyes were striking.

She extended her hand and said. "Hi, my name is Tiffany Stone, I'm a Hollywood journalist and I would like to hear your story."

"Hi, I've read articles that you've written, but I never knew what you looked like. You certainly don't look like a journalist, your much too pretty."

The woman siting next to him intervened and said. "I already got his story and he's coming home with me right after we have a few more drinks."

He laughed and said to the woman sitting next to him. "Don't worry, she doesn't want me, she just wants the story, nothing more."

"Oh, in that case come back to my house with us, and get your story." The woman said.

"Tiffany Stone, turned to him and asked. Would you mind?"

"I would be more than glad to give you the story." He replied.

"My name is Bernice." She said, as she extended her hand to Tiffany Stone.

"I'm Kevin and it will be my pleasure to give you the story." He said.

"I have a camcorder and a microphone with me, if you'd like to do anymore entertaining." Tiffany Stone said.

Kevin asked. "Would you mind recording me Tiffany Stone so that when the men of the village get back from their fishing trip, the ladies of the village can share my visit with them?"

"Certainly" Tiffany Stone replied.

"Okay than, since you wonderful Canadians have shown me such wonderful hospitality, I'm going to do a few scripts for you that I've written. So far I've only performed these scripts out at sea to a very captive audience, so if I start to bore you, let me know and I'll stop. This first one is called My First Kiss. Okay Tiffany, if you don't mind, roll the camcorder."

My First Kiss



Being seven, can be very arkward. You're no longer cute and cuddley anymore, but your still far from being grown up. At seven, I was still my Mom's charge. Wherever she went, I had to follow.

I was the srangest little Kid. I wasn't interested in anything. Every thing just seemed to be a bore, and I couldn't understand why I was a little Kid.

My Mom was always losing me. She would make me go shopping with her, and I would think. "Oh, more shopping, I'm going to sleep." So, I would crawl under a display or something and go to sleep.

After a while, all the sales girls would be on the alert whenever, I would walk into a department store, because they new I was going to find some place to hide away. But the worst place was the sand box.

Whenever my Mom would take me to the sand box, I would think. "Oh, no, I have to be around all those Kids that think this is fun." I mean after putting the sand in your pail once, the thrill is gone.

So of course, I would go right to sleep in the sandbox. But the ultimate low was Kindergarten. All of these Kids playing with little blocks and making a mess with all those crayons. I went right to sleep on that.

The teacher would say to my Mom. "I don't understand your Son, he refuses to stay awake in my class."

I thought. "Oh, let me hurry and grow up. Life as a little Kid, is just too boring."

I mean really, I felt like I had nothing in common with the junior set. Then, this was almost a bright note.

Someone from a modeling agency noticed me sound asleep in the sandbox one day, and said to my Mom. "Your Son is really hansome, I would like to model him."

I thought. "Hey, that might be interesting."

But no. My Mom said. "I want my Son to have a normal childhood and not have to grow up with cameras everywhere."

I thought. "Mom, are you crazy? I can be a star here. And anyway. What kind of a normal childhood is this that I'm having? Everything bores me."

Then one day, my Mom took me to the Park for a picnic with her friend and her friends, little daughter, that was the same age as I. We were both 7 at the time.

I thought. "Oh, another boring picnic, and now I'm going to have to listen to all their shopping talk. I'm going to sleep."

So, I found a nice spot on the grass and I feel sound asleep. Then after a while, I felt something crawling on me. I opened my eyes and noticed that it was my Mom's, friends, daughter. I noticed that my Mom and her friend were busy chatting away, and were not even aware that the girl was crawling all over me.

I thought. "Well, if I close my eyes and pretend I'm sleeping, the girl will go away and find something else to crawl on."

But no, she kept crawling all over me.

I'm thinking. "Well, I don't know what she thinks she's doing, but I'm just going to keep my eyes closed until she gets bored and goes away."

Then, all of a sudden, I feel something soft on my lips.

I'm thinking. "Hmmmm, that feels good. I wonder what that can be."

It just kept feeling nicer and nicer.

Then I thought. "Oh, what the heck. Let me open my eyes to see what this is."

Then I notice, that its the girls lips, that are on mine.

I said. "Whats that"?

She said. "Thats a kiss."

I said. "Oh, I like that."

She said. "I like that to."

I smiled and said. "Oh, at last something thats not boring."

Well, since that day, my life really changed. I wasn't falling asleep all over the place anymore. I seemed to be wide awake and interested.

But, I always wonder. "Was it the kiss that day, when I was seven, that sparked something in me; or was it just time to wake up?"

Well, whatever, I have been wide, awake, ever since. And that is the story of my first kiss, and my first unboring moment.

"Thank you Kevin I really enjoyed that." Tiffany Stone said.

"But why is everyone crying? It didn't have that kind of effect on the sailors. Kevin said smiling.

"Thats because sailors can never become Mom's. Its very sweet and touching Kevin." Tiffany Stone said.

"Thank you, I see everyones crying. I was trying to make everyone laugh. Let me try A Script About My Ass and see if that can get everyone laughing." Kevin said.

The Script About My Ass

Does anyone remember those early High School days? You know, the time when most of us started to discover the opposite sex in ernest, but we still weren't completly evolved yet. I can still remember those early day High School parties that we had.

You know, those parties that you would have at a friends house where all the guys would gravitate to the kitchen, and all the girls would gravitate to an up stairs bed room to talk girl talk. We all thought we were so cool. Some guy would always find a way to sneak a six pack of beer into the kitchen and another guy would always have a pack of cigarettes.

We would all take a small glass of beer and light up a cigarette and talk about what a buzz we were getting. While we were getting our little beer and cigarette buzz, we would start talking about what girls we thought were hot. Sometimes I wondered why the girls came to the party at all, they, always seemed to be upstairs.

All that changed after a while, but it was a real evolutionary process. But while we were evolving, sure, all the guys knew about all the guy talk in the kitchen, but no one ever knew anything about what the girls were talking about upstairs. Well, that is almost no one knew.

I overheard a very rare earshot of a conversation I wasn't suppose to hear. It was all very innocent of course, but rather interesting. This is how it all happened. I had to use the bathroom.

I knocked on the door, and one of my friends said. "I'm going to be in here for a while because I feel like I'm going to puke."

I thought okay. "I will use the upstairs bathroom."

I got almost to the top of the stairs and I heard all kinds of laughter coming from the girls in the bedroom.

I thought. "I wonder what it is thats so funny that they are laughing about?

Then I heard one of the girls say. "Yeah that Kevin has the tightest ass."

And another girl chimed in. "I couldn't keep my eyes off of his ass for the entire football game."

I realized then. "They, were talking about my ass."

I thought. "No one cares about all the touch downs I got or all the great plays I made. Their just watching my ass."

Then another girl yelled. "Yeah, I love that back field in motion."

Another girl chimed in. "Yeah, I just love seeing Kevin's ass in those tight football pants."

"I'd love to sueeze those tight bunns." Another voice cried out.

And yet another voice, said. "I get goose bumbs just thinking what it would be like to wrap my legs around his tight ass."

Well, at first I was devestated.

I thought. "All that pumping iron, all that hair blowing, all that expense cologne. And what are all the girls looking at? Its my ass, just my ass."

Then I thought. "Well, I better keep this little secret to myself."

I thought. "If I tell anyone I overheard this conversation, they'll never be able to keep it a secret and it will get back to the girls."

They kept talking and talking about my ass, but I couldn't listen any longer, I really did have to use the bathroom. So I used the bathroom and quietly slipped back down stairs again. Now I needed a beer and a cigarette. So, I gulped down an entire can of beer and had a cigarette, but then I really started to feel weird.

I thought. "Woh, no more of that stuff. But then I started to think, hmmm, maybe I can capitalise on this ass thing."

I applied for a Summer job, and the girl said, oh, sorry, we have no more openings. Then she said, your shoe lace is untied.

I bent down to tie it. And then she said. "Oh, I'm sorry, I made a mistake, we do have an opening."

Now, I'm thinking. "Hmmm, is this just a coincidence? Or was she really checking me out when I bent down to tie my shoe lace?"

Then I would start to notice other little oddites. Everytime I walked into the office to look for a file, I would hear all this typing. But as soon as I would turn my back and start looking for a file, all the typing would stop. And then as soon as I got the file and turned around again, the typing would suddenly resume.


"Another strange coincidence." I suppose.

When I got my first paycheck from my summer job, I thought. "Its time to do a little shopping."

Yeah, I was going pants shopping, tight pants shopping.

I thought. Hmmm, how tight can I get pants to fit?"

Then I headed out with my new tight pants. Wow, was I getting smiles.

I thought. "Screw the gym. The heck with pumping iron. I had it all together in one neat package."

Then school resumed again, and I thought. "Hmmmm, I wonder if I can get my marks boosted a bit higher if I have all female teachers?"

So, I went in to see the Guidance Counselor, and asked. "Could I have all female teachers?"

"Why do you want all female teachers?" He asked.

I said. "I seem to pay attention better."

He said. "Well, I can give you all female teachers, except for Gym Class."

"Great." I said.

I couldn't beleive the difference, with all female teachers, my marks were soaring. Every once in a while, I would drop my pen or something in class, and pick it up real slow just for insurance.

What was really weird though, was that I was getting even better at football. It started to feel good just thinking that I was giving the girls a thrill. I felt like they weren't cheering for the team, but rather they were really cheering for me.

After a while, I kind of even developed a little back field in motion wiggle. The girls were going wild.

I thought. "Hey, if you got it, flaunt it."

When I graduated High School, I was hired by a Wall Street Bokerage firm, but I had to take a medical exam before I could start working. I looked out the window in the Doctors examining room in awe at the sky line.

As I marveled at the sites, I felt a hand tap on my shoulder. I turned my head to see a Nurse standing there.

She said. "I have to take your temperature."

As she held the therometer in her hand I opened my mouth expecting her to slip it in.

She smiled and said. "No, this isnt going in your mouth."

I asked. "Where else can it go?"

She said. "Drop your pants and shorts and find out."

I complied and as I layed down on my stomach, I could feel her stick the therometer up my butt.

She started to chat with me and after a long while, I kind of wondered to myself. "Why is she taking so long to pull the therometer back out of my butt?"

Just then the Doctor walked in and asked the Nurse. "Why are you taking his temperature in this fashion?"

Her face now a bit blushed, she exclaimed. "Oh I had some medical questions to ask him, and he couldn't answer them if the therometer was in his mouth."

I thought. "Hmmm, medial questions. I couldn't remember her asking me any medical questions."

Then I thought. "Hmmm, another on of those coincidences."

The Doctor asked. "So whats the temperature?"

With that she pulled the therometer from my buttoks at last, and said. "Your temperature is perfectly normal. And what department will you be working in?"

"That was good Kevin, my stomach is hurting from laughing so much." Tiffany Stone said.

"Great, I'm glad everyone got a good laugh out of that. Let me take a Molson break and I'll do one more." Kevin said with a smile.

"Do you always drink Molson Kevin?" Tiffany Stone asked.

"Yes always Tiffany." Kevin replied.

"I think I'll try a bottle of Molson and see what it does for my writing." Tiffany Stone said laughing.

"Well Tiffany, here's another one I wrote with the help of a few Molsons. This one is called Sex Toy for Mom. Roll the camcorder." Kevin said.


Sex Toy For Mom

I guess I did a lot of stupid things when I was a Kid. But buying my Mom a battery powered vibrator, had to be at the top of the list of stupid things I did. Of course, I had no idea what I was buying her at the time.

Well let me explain. When I was a kid, I would go to these auctions looking for things for my Science projects and everything was bid on so you knew how much it was going to be if you put a bid in on something. So that day I had found a few things I could use for my Science projects, so I started heading out the door.

As I was walking out the door, I could hear the auctioneer saying. "And this next item can give you a great massage."

Then I remembered that my Mom said a few days ago that she wished she could get a massage for her stiff neck.

So, I thought. "Christmas is coming soon, this might be a nice gift for Mom."

Then I heard the auctioners voice say. "Doesn't anyone else want to bid on this massager?"

So I raised the bid by 25 cents more, no one else put another bid in for it, so I got the thing.

I noticed I got a few funny looks from the people at the auction.

But I thought. "They're probably wondering what I'm doing at the auction."

I was the only Kid there, and I was still in grade school.

So, I got home, and wrapped up what I thought was just a massager for your neck or something and put it under the tree for Mom. Of course I was a bit perplexed why the bottom edge was so rounded.

But I thought. "Maybe that makes it vibrate better or something."

So, when Christmas came, everyone was there, my Grandparents, Uncles, Aunts and very close family friends. I watched my Mom as she opened up my present, and I noticed that she had a very surprised look on her face.

Then, I thought. "Good, I really surprised her."

But then I noticed that my Dad and my Grandparents also had a very surprised look on their face.

But as I explained to my Mom, that. "I got that for her, so that she could massage her neck." Everyone starting laughing. I couldn't figure out what was so funny.

Then my Dad said to me. "Could you help me take some things from the kitchen."

When we got into the kitchen, my Dad explained to me, what the vibrator was used for, and why it was shaped that way. When I asked my Dad.

"Why would any woman want to use a vibrator there?

My Dad just said. "I'll explain that to you another time."

So, I had bought my Mom a sex toy for Christmas. But at least Mom forgave me for my oversight. After still giving me a hug for the thought at least, I realised that day, just how much my Mom really loved me.

"Yes, it was a learning experience."

"That was fantastic. I'm definitly switching to Molson from now on." Tiffany Stone said.

"Thank you Tiffany for recording all this on your cam corder, and thank you all again for your amazing hospitality. I have to go now, but maybe someday I'll come back." Kevin said.


He grabbed the newspaper and the momento place holder from the bar, and stuffed it into his back pocket, as was always his habit, when he went somewhere new.

Then he extended his arms to both Bernice and Tiffany Stone and said. "May I?"

Arriving at Bernices house, Tiffany Stone pulled a bunch of gourmet food out of her bag and turned to Kevin and said. "You must be famished, let me whip something up fast in the kitchen."

With a smile, Kevin said. "I haven't had anything to eat in two days and I am just a tad bit hungry."

Bernice handed Kevin a Molson, and then said. "Let me help you in the kitchen Tiffany."

"Wow, does this ever taste good. I never had a food fantasty in my dreams, but after tasting this, move over all my beautiful woman fantasies." Kevin said with a big smile.

"Im happy I fulfiled your food fantasy cravings Kevin, but I would like to hear more about what happened to you." Tiffany Stone said.

"Okay Tiffany here it is. It wont make a lot of sense, but this is exactly how it happened. A while back I had won a disco dance contest with a very beautiful woman during a port visit to Vancouver, Canada."

I was thinking about that. "As I sat in the lounge and thinking about how many months we were at sea now and just how long it had been since I heard a female voice or smelled the scent of sweet perfume."

"How far away from this island were you when you started to crave the smell of a womans perfume." Tiffany Stone asked.

"Minutes before it happened, we were about 600 miles from here, according to the charts." Kevin replied.

"But 600 miles Kevin, that doesn't seem possible." Tiffany Stone said.

"No Tiffany, it doesn't seem possible in a normal sense, but I was traveling over the ocean at warp speed until I at last droped into the water." Kevin replied.

"But how did you survive the cold water Kevin?" Tiffany Stone asked.

"I think I would have died Tiffany, if it were not for the combined body heat of the twin sisters that thawed me out." Kevin said.

"Did anything unusual happen on your ship, just before you had your out of body experience Kevin?"

"Yes Tiffany, shortly before that I was on the bridge deck looking over the charts when I became enveloped by a greenish glow. I watched it go into the water. It was very strange Tiffany. Every navigational instrument was off and all the clocks and pesonal watches spun backward. Officialy it was listed as a small plane crash. But when I asked why we were not making a rescue effort, I was just told that I wouldn't really want to know."

"Why do you think Kevin, that you were the only one on your ship to travel to this island?"

"Well, Tiffany, if I had to guess, I think it may be a combination of two things. First, I was the only one that was standing out in the open at the time, and I got the full brunt of the greenish glow. Second, I have a tremendous will power and the desire to be around something soft and feminine just became overwhelming and somehow I think the green glow gave me a little something extra."

Oh, please, no more talk of this, I'm getting scared just thinking about this." Bernice said.

"Thats the whole story anyway Bernice." Said Kevin.

"Yes, I agree, Bernice, this is getting too spooky. I'm getting another round of Molson's in the Kitchen. Tiffany Stone said.

"Cheers to that." Said Kevin.

"What about you Tiffany Stone? You never say anything about yourslef on your website." Kevin said.

Laughing Tiffany Stone said. "I'm affraid I might bore my readers if I talk about myself, but if you must know Kevin, I'm a disciple of the legendary Hollywood scriptreader Jack Kerouac and I have a bachelor of arts in writing and literature from Naropa University in Boulder."

"So that's why you write so well. I only had a year of English Literature in College, but a buddy of mine on my ship that has a journalism degree has been giving me pointers on my comedy sripts that I've been writing for the Navy." Kevin said.

"Well Kevin, I think I would like to read your comedy scripts sometime, when your not busy dancing naked on the bar for the ladies." Tiffany Stone said laughing.

"If you would like Tiffany, I have another funny one that I was affraid to tell all the women at the bar. I didn't want them to start yelling that they wanted to see my butterfly again. This one is called Clap Your Hands." Kevin said with a big smile.

"By all means. Go ahead Kevin. It must be pretty sexy if you didn't want the woman at the bar to here it." Tiffany Stone said laughing.

"Okay Tiffany and Bernice, here it is." Kevin said, uncorking yet another Molson.

Clap Your Hands

Did anyone ever notice that "Clap Your Hands" commercial on TV? I'm just so glad its finaly off the air. I just couldn't watch the commercial without cracking up.

It makes me laugh because of Singapore. One day I got into a cab with two of my friends, and one of my friends had a bad backache, so he told the Singapore Cab driver to take us somewhere where you could get a good back rub.

So the driver takes us to this place thats way of the beaten track, and then points at a staircase to go up. So we walk up this staircase, and we see this Lady standing there, and there is only one table.

She motions us to sit down, and then she brings us all a beer.

Then she stands next to the table and says. "What can I do for you?"

My friend explains to her that. "The Cab driver said you could get a good back rub here."

She smiles and says yes. "We have the best here."

Then she claps her hands and a curtain opens. The open curtain reveals a whole bunch of women standing there in skimpy outfits.

My friend says. "No not that."

Then she claps her hands, and another curtain opens up revealing more women in skimpy outfits.

Then my friend says. "My back aches, thats all, I have on my mind."

Then she claps her hands again, and all the women behind curtain number one start to take off their skimpy outfits.

My friend says. "No, just a back rub."

Then she claps her hands again, and all the women behind curtain number two start taking all their skimpy outfits off.

Then I said to her. "You don't understand, my friend only came here for a back rub."

Then she claps her hands again, and this totaly naked women jumps up on the table and starts wrapping her thighs around my neck.

I said. "No, back rub, just a back rub."

Then she claps her hands again. "And says okay back rub."

I said. "Yes, back rub."

Then she claps her hands again and the woman starts taking my shirt off.

I started to say to her that. "Its my friend that wanted the back rub and not me."

But I could see she was ready to clap her hands again. So, I just said. "Okay." Affraid of what would happen next if she claped her hands again.

So now this woman is giving me a back rub, and my friend says to the Lady. "What about the two of us?

So of course she claps her hands again, and one woman rushes over, and then she claps her hands again, and another woman rushes over. Then the Lady claps again, and the woman that was rubing my back walks away.

So, I'm thinking good. "The Lady has everything figured out at last."

So I gulp down the rest of my beer, thinking that my friends will just get their back rub now, and then we can get out of this strange place.

But no, I was wrong. The Lady says to me. "Would you like another beer?"

I said. "Thank you, but no, I'm fine."

Then the Lady says. "Come with me."

I said. "Come with you where?"

Then she says. "You have to get the second part of your back rub now. But I need you to lay down for it."

I said. "Why do I need to lay down for a back rup?"

She gave me a strange look and said. "Why do you have to ask so many questions?"

So then, she takes me into this room and points and says. "Lay here on your stomach."

Then she claps her hands again and before I know it a bunch of women are rubing their hands all over my back.

Then after a few minutes, the Lady says to me. "Turn over on your back."

So, I turn over and then the women start pouring all this lotion on me and then they start rubing up and down my chest. Then I feel one of the women lift my arms and pull them back all the way back behind my head. Then I feel some hands around my waist, and then in a split second, I feel my pants and shorts come sliding off.

Then I said. "No not this."

The Lady said. "Whats wrong?"

I said. "I don't want to have sex, just a back rub."

She says. "Okay no sex, but we can't do this with your clothes on."

I said okay. "But no sex."

As I said the words no sex, I could then feel the women spreading my legs wide apart. Then I felt the women spreading the lotion and rubing it all up and down my thighs. Then the women turned me over on my side and started to spread and rub the lotion all over my buttocks.

Then I heard laughing. I asked. "What are they laughing at?"

Then the Lady said. "The butterfly, they're laughing at the butterfly on your butt."

Then the Lady asked. "Why do you have a butterfly on your butt?"

I said. "I didn't think anyone would see it there."

She kept her promise, there was no sex, but was that ever one heck of a rub down. I just couldn't figure why they needed so many women to do the job.

When we walked out of the place at last.

I asked my friends. "Did the two of you have the same kind of rub down?"

They both replied. "No, just our backs."

I said. "I don't get it. Why would that Lady have the women do all that to me, and only have the women rub your backs?"

One of my friends smiled and said. "She just wanted to see you with your clothes off."

Then my other friend said. "Yeah, I think that Lady had the hots for you."

I guess I will really never know the real answer to that question, but whatever the reason, it was a great rub down. But I will always think of that Lady in Singapore if I see someone claping their hands a lot.

"You have a knack for getting yourself and your butterfly into the strangest situations." Tiffany Stone said laughing.


"So Tiffany Stone. May I ask what brought you to this island?" Bernice asked.

"Oh, thanks Bernice for reminding me. I'm here to get an exclusive interview from a famous Hollywood actress that has been hiding away here just a few doors away from you. It time for me to get going. Thanks for the hospitality, and Kevin, I'm sure Bernice will take care of those other cravings you have." Said Tiffany Stone.

"Oh yeah Tiffany, I'm anxious to try out my new water bed with Kevin." Bernice said.

"Oh two fantasies coming true in the same day, first Tiffany Stones gourmet cooking and now a romp in Bernice's new water bed. Well, at least I'm having a good time before they Court Martial me for going AWOL." Kevin said.

"Well, let me go and leave you to love birds alone now." Tiffany Stone said.

"Thanks for everything Tiffany, and by the way, I love your website Breakfast At Tiffany's." Kevin said

"Take my hand lover boy, its show time." Bernice said.

"Ready to break in that new water bed." Kevin said.

"I'm ready." Bernice replied.

After that great meal and spending a pleasant night with Bernice and her new waterbed, Kevin woke about the next morning feeling refreshed and confident. He took a quick shower and then tip toed out of the house while Bernice was still sleeping.

He then headed to the beach, looking for an answer.

He knew he must return, but he thought. "how?"

Now he could hear pounding feet off in the distance. He looked in the direction of the pounding feet and he could see a most beautiful woman coming toward him wearing jogging shorts and revealing a most beautiful pair of legs.

"Good morning Kevin." The beautiful woman said.

"Oh, your the beautiful vision I'm seeing Tiffany." He said.

"My God Kevin. How many Molsons did that woman give you last night? I'm wearing my old beat up jogging outfit."

Laughing, Kevin said. "I wasn't talking about the jogging outfit, but rather what a vision the owner of the outfit was."

"Thank you Kevin, but I'm not accustomed to getting compliments before I have my morning coffee." She said.

"I'm glad I got to see you one last time before I go." He said.

"Go where?" Tiffany Stone asked.

"I have to get back to the ship now. Could you say good bye to Bernice for me?"

"Kevin, don't you think you're really kind of pushing the love them and leave them envelope here? I mean really. What am I supposed to tell Bernice? I mean something like, hi Bernice, I saw Kevin on the beach when I was jogging this morning and I just want to tell you that he zapped himself back to his ship. You know, he just had pressing paper work."

"Yes, Tiffany, I see your point, but life is not entirely about love, there are other things and I just feel as if I shouldn't sheirk my responsibility any further. I had the pleasant interlude that I needed, but now I have to get back to work." He said.

"I admire your dedication Kevin. But just how do you propose to get back to the ship?"

"The same way I got here Tiffany, just as I did once before a very long time ago." He said.

"So there was more Kevin. Why didn't you tell me?" She said.

"I was affraid I would scare Bernice if I said anymore last night. I could already see that she was becoming frieghtened and she's not from the big city like I am." He said.

"Well, I'm from the big city and I'm a journalist, so you can at least tell me." Tiffany Stone said.

"I don't completly understand it myself Tiffany, but I know it has something to do with will power and concentration."

"So when did this happen to you before?" Tiffany Stone asked.

"It happened a long time ago. I was just in grade school. There was this really gifted Kid that was constantly being picked on by school bullies. The bullies would grab his hat, and throw it back and forth to eachother. The Kid was super smart, but he had no street smarts. So, one day his Dad asked me if I would walk him home from school, so the bullies wouldn't pick on him." Kevin said.

"So what does that have to do with this? Tiffany Stone asked.

"Well one day, I was waiting for him to come out of school and three of the Kids I knew from my class asked me to come across the street for a minute. They insisted that a Lady standing outside the Funeral Parlor was a genuine witch. I told them they were nuts. But they dared me. I didn't like to ever be dared, so I walked over to see their supposed witch." Kevin said

"What does that have to do with this? Tiffany Stone asked.

"Oh okay, I'll tell you. She introduced herself to me as a witch and when she did, I laughed at her and said, there are no such things as witches. Seconds after I said that, I found myself in a place that looked like Athens, but I was defiant and I guess my will power was stonger than her's, because I wished myself back to where I had been and then she was no more and my three class mates were completly stunned and never dared dare me again." Kevin said.

"Are you putting me on Kevin?" Said Tiffany Stone.

"No, but, I wish I were." Said Kevin.

"So what you're really saying is that somehow, you accidentaly transported your self here, because your desire to smell perfume overpowered your senses, and now that you had your little interlude here, you're just going to transport your self back and get back to business again." Tiffany Stone said.

"Exactly Tiffany. Your are amazingly perceptive." Kevin said.

"But don't you think that might be just a tad bit dangerous Kevin? Tiffany Stone said.

"Yes, it might be just a little bit dangereous, but the other alternative would be explaining how I got here in the first place." Kevin said

"I see what you mean. Guess the prospect of spending the rest of your life in a paded room is not the best prospect. Do what you must do, but hurry, I still haven't had my morning coffee yet. I think I may spike my coffee a bit, after this conversation were having." Said Tiffany Stone.

"Thanks for everything Tiffany, but I really have to go now." Kevin said.

"Sure, go Kevin, you had one of my gourmet meals, so why stick around. I guess I will just have to double check those ingredients I'm using." Said Tiffany Stone.

He closed his eyes to think and when he opened them again, he was back on board his ship. But what he was hearing was quite surprising.

He could hear a funeral service being broadcast over the 1MC. Then he could hear several crew members saying nice things about their friend Kevin.

He thought. "They think I'm dead, and I'm hearing my own funeral."

Just then, his friend John walked by and yelled. "You're alive, you're alive."

He answered. "Yes, I'm alive, but why does everyone think I'm dead."

Then John said. "They had been looking everywhere for you the last 48 hours, so they thought you must have gone overboard."

"I guess I sort of did go overboard in a way." Kevin replied.

John, then said. "Where were you all that time?"

Kevin, replied, "I was on an island off the Canadian mainland."

He said, "how did you get there?"

"I'm not really sure, but I think it had something to do with that green glow." He said.

"Oh that, we still can't get the instruments working right since that green glow thing." John said.

"Well, good luck trying to explain this to the Captain." Said John.

Kevin talked to the Captain later and showed him the newspaper and coaster he had from the island, as evidence that he really had been there.

He said, "I know this story seems strange, but I have an entire island of women that can collaborate that I was there."

The Captain smiled and said, just tell me one thing. "Why did you have the Admirals daughter listed as someone to notify if you became demised? Quite a long list of women on that list." The Captain said with a smile.

Kevin, a bit red faced now, replied. "Oh, she really was the Admirals daughter, I thought she was just putting me on."

Weeks went by and the Captain had a chance to verify his story.

The Captain said to him. "I know you will want to tell someone about this some day, but can you make me a promise? Wait for at least 20 years By that time, I will be happily retired." He said.

"Sure Captain, you got it." Kevin replied.

So what really happened that day? Will we ever know for sure? Was there a reason why Kevin needed that interlude? Were forces at work that we can't understand?

Here's what we do know. Shortly after Kevin's return to his ship, GQ(General Quarters) was called because a Russian submarine was getting to close to the Aircaft Carrier that Kevin's ship was escorting.

It was Kevin's job to determine if the submarine was over the allowed distance to the Carrier. Everyone that day thought that the submarine had breached the allowed boundries but Kevin.

The ultimate decision was with Kevin to fire or not to fire. Later it was determined that Kevin's decision not to fire was correct. Did that pleasant interlude take just enough stress off Kevin to think and act clearly?

We can never be certain for sure. But we do know that we did manage to avoid a nuclear conflict that could have destroyed the entire world.

11:46 PM - 8/22/2005 - comments {0} - post comment

Her Special Place For Innocence

 When you live in New York City, downtown represents, the up and comers, or the new money, as its called. Uptown represents the established and entrenched, the old money as its called.

 Bob had always worked downtown, he loved the narrow and crowded streets of Wall Street. Loved to grab a kinish or a hot dog from a vendor as he rushed down the bustling streets, reading the latest financial news while speeding down the street.

 A break from the hectic work day was a fresh ocean breeze at the downtown Sea Port. Boarding a boat there for dinner with the Calypso music playing was an enjoyable after work experience. You could throw off your tie and have a good drink with dinner and talk about everything and anything.

 Wall Streeters are perhaps the most democratic of topic talkers in all of New York City, and yes, the noise, everyone is always talking loud and everyone is always opinionated, but it a nice sort of way, and the laughs are always rolling.

 But uptown is a whole different world, its quite jogs in and around Central Park and reflective tranquilty at the Boat House. A thrill packed day for the uptowners is a romp through the European Art Galleries at the Met.

 But for Bob, the all around downtown guy, life would take a strange turn. He left downtown, and took a job uptown. And he would meet his uptown girl in a very unusual way.

 He was fairly new to his uptown job, and he was still trying to acclimate to his new surroundings. Bob had to see one of the woman he worked with about a project, he was working on. He headed toward where she was, and when he got into vision of her, just then, she put her leg up on a chair to tie her sneaker.

 Bob knew she always switched to sneakers at a certain time of day to go jogging. She was really into fitness. But as she lifted her leg on to the chair to tie her sneaker, her skirt rode up her leg, revealing the most beautiful thigh.

 It was toned and solid from all the jogging. He kept coming toward her, just about hypnotised by the vision of her ravaneous beauty, and then crash. He was so busy looking at Monica that he hadn't noticed that there was an obstruction on his path to her.

 He tripped over the objects, that he would have normally noticed, and before he knew it, he was laying on the floor with a slight trickle of blood flowing from his chest and a small blood stain showing on his shirt. Monica ran over to help him and said, let me get something to stop that bleeding.

 To his surprise, she pulled a first aid kit out of her office.

 She said, "don't move, you may have hurt your back."

 Then she unbottoned his shirt and applied gauze to stop the bleeding.

 He said, "I think I'm okay, just a few scratches."

 Then Bob got up and said, "see I'm fine, but thanks."

 Then she said, "wait, let me put some disinfectant on that cut. This is going to sting."

 She rubed the disinfectant all over the cut, but rather then feeling a sting, all Bob could feel was her gentle caressing touch.

 Bob knew that he should have been in pain, but he was so turned on by her. All he could think of was, "wow, she's dynamite."

 The next day, he took Monica to lunch to repay her for her medicinal treatment, and they both really seemed to click.

 At first Bob felt a natural and normal lust for such a beautiful and sexy woman that Monica was. But as he got to know her better, he felt an unusual comfort with her. He was more relaxed with her than any other woman he had ever known.

 His feelings of lust were quickly being replaced by genuine feelings of affection. He felt something very different with her compared to other woman. He couldn't even quite understand it himself. But he knew she made him laugh and he truely enjoyed her company.

 She was different than any downtown girl that Bob had ever known. Bob liked her a lot, but had thought that she was out of his reach. He thought he just didn't have the kind of sophistication that she would expect from a guy. But after that chance meeting Bob was now more determined than ever.

 He knew he was up against it, but she was too wonderful to pass up. And Bob wasn't a quiter. When he made up his mind about something, he went for it. In College, Bob had always been at the top of his class. Things didn't always come easy for him, but he had an incredible determination. He pined for her and he decided that he would do his darndest to win her over.

 Bob thought, "well for her, I can make a few adjustments."

 Bob started to date her and went to a few places with her that he would never normaly go. Broadway plays, Opera's, Night Clubs, all places that never entered Bob's mind. He was an avid sports fan and pre Monica, it was hockey and basketball, but he went where she wanted because he just wanted to be with her, and now the place was secondary in his mind, and she was foremost in his mind.

 Monica invited Bob out to the Hamptons for the weekend, not really his kind of neighborhood, but how could he refuse. For the downtown people, weekends were spent at the New Jersey shore, or Joisey, as they liked to pronounce it. Bob knew the Hamptons were a whole different world for him. At the Hamptons, he met her friends and family and he tried to be as uptownish as he could be, but this was the world of the movers and shakers, this was a world that he knew was much easier to be born into.

 But he did his best to get along with everyone and the main thing was, he was there to be with her. They had dinner with her friends and family, and then took a walk on the beach together. The beach, the moonlight, everything was beautiful and quite romantic.

 Monica took Bob to a place on the beach, that she said was special to her.

 She said, "since I were a child, this had always been my own special place and now I wanted to share it with you."

 They strolled along the beach, hand in hand, and then when they got to a part of the beach that was absolutely beautiful, she said to him, "this is it, this is my special place."

 The sun had just set and a full moon was rising. It was beautiful how the moon was reflecting off the water. It was very romantic. She gazed into his eyes and then moved her lips close to his and then started to kiss him. He thrusted his tongue deep inside her mouth and as he went deeper, he could feel her embrace keep tightening around him. Then she suddenly pulled her mouth away from his to speak.

 She said, "I would like to do something that I haven't did since I was a little girl."

 He said, yes, "what is it?".

 She replied. "I would like to wade into the water and feel innocent again."

 She touched her hand with his, and said, "come with me."

 Bob watched with surprise as she started to remove her clothes while folding them and carefuly placing them on the sand. Bob undressed and carefuly placed his clothes over hers to protect her clothes from the blowing sand.

 As they walked naked, hand in hand into the freezing water, she screamed, "oh, I feel innocent and free again."

 They then embraced, and even with the freezing waters swirling around them, Bob felt as if his body was on fire with the heat of passion.

 He could feel her firm breasts pressing against his chest as her hands squeezed at his waist. His hands slid slowly down the front of her body from her stomach and stopped to squeeze her solid thighs. She then started to rub her waist into his while allowing her hands to slide down past his waist. As her hands explored below his waist, he started to gently move his hands up her thighs and gently caressed below her waist.

 They then started to walk back toward the sand, but they could wait no longer. Before they were completly out of the water, they were suddenly on the ground. While the water began to splash over them Bob found himself embraced in Monica's arms.

 As Bob slid his hands down Monica's thighs, he could feel her bite hard into his neck. As a large wave started to crash over them, Bob picked up Monica in his arms and carried her back to the beach. As he layed her down in the sand, they kissed while he drove his tongue deep inside her mouth. It was cold but their combined body heat was sustaining them from the cold night air.

 Monica then squeezed her arms tight around Bob's waist and screamed, "I love you."

 Bob screamed back, "I love you to."

 As Bob gently touched her breasts, Monica's fingers dug into Bob's back. As his hands moved down from her breasts to her waist, Monica then spread her thighs wide apart.

 As she felt his hands wander down from her waist, she yelled, "I love you"

 As Bob braced himself over her he said, "I love you to."

 As their passion climaxed Bob said, "never in my life have I felt this wonderful."

 Monica replied, "Never did I think that life could be as wonderful as this."

 They stood and had one last kiss and embrace before getting dressed. Bob said, "I've never felt this way with anyone before, you're truely wonderful."

 Monica started to cry and said, "I've been waiting all my life for someone to say that to me, oh, God, how I love you."

 Then Monica and Bob strolled back hand in hand.

 Monica then turned to Bob and smiled, and said, "you know were going to be bored out of our mind now by their idle chit chat."

 Bob squezzed Monica's hand, and said, "it doesn't matter."

 Then Monica said, "I'm glad you came. And did I ever tell you how much I prefer downtown guys?"

 Bob laughed and asked, "did I ever tell you how much I prefer uptown girls?"

 She was uptown and he was downtown, but that weekend it didn't matter. Bob thanked her for sharing her special place with him.

 And then she asked, "do you have a special place you wan't to show me?"

 Bob answered, "yeah, sure, but its a little bit out of your neighborhood."

 Monica asked, "oh where is it?"

 Bob laughed and said, "its on the Joisey Shore."

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4:59 PM - 8/22/2005 - comments {0} - post comment

My Special Princess

 Did you ever make a decision, and then wondered if it was right? Sometimes fate gives you unexpected surprises when you least expect it.

At the time, I was kind of down in the dumps. I had just called off a year long engagement and I just didn't have that usual bubble.

We were about to head home, and then, something happened, that would at least prove fantastic for me. There was, lets say, a military threat to Thailand at the time, and an American US Naval presence was warranted.

We rushed to Pattaya Beach at full speed, a resort town, for the "Super Rich", that normally would not be a Port O' Call for any warship. But, at the time, it was just another day for me. I just wasn't in the mood to celebrate.

I was thinking. "A year engaged to the same girl, I got so accustomed to her, but now I would have to start all over again."

No, I really didn't want to start that dating stuff again.

I thought. "I just want to hide away some where from the World for a while."

We steamed into Pattaya, and my friend Kevin asked. "What are your plans for Pattaya Beach?"

I said. "I don't know Kevin, I really haven't given it any thought."

Kevin then said. "I'm going to try and buy a stone for my wife. I heard that they have some good values there."

I laughed and said to Kevin. "Stones. Is that what you're going to do with the remains of the family fortune?"

Kevins family had almost of their money invested in what they thought was a very safe Utility Company, that latter became better known as "Three Mile Island".

He laughed, and said. "I think they would rather sink more money into "Three Mile Island", then to trust me with the rest of the family fortune. They know I would spend it all."

I said. "Okay Kevin, I will check out the stones with you, but lets not go anywhere where there are women, I'm just not in the mood."

Kevin said. "Thats easy for me, I've been avoiding women since I got married."

I said. "Well, you have the knack Kevin. You went to an girls College with your billionaire friend. Only two guys in that entire College. You must have developed a technique over all those years to ignore women when you wanted to. You got your journalism degree, so you must have been focused at least at times."

"I focused every once in a while." Kevin said laughing.

I said. "Yeah, thats what I have to do, get focused. I just wish I knew what to focus on."

Kevin said. "Okay, no women. But how bout some of that Thai beer?"

I said. "Allright. But I'm only having one. That stuff only comes in quart bottles."

So, the ship pulls into Pattaya, and I and Kevin think we are just going to check out some stones and have some Thai beer. But of course that story takes a very strange turn. We pick out a store, and Kevin doesn't like any of the stones.

The girl says. "Wait. I have more stones upstairs that I will bring down."

So while we are waiting, I and Kevin start talking about the current comedy routine that we were working on. Now, there is this girl behind us, that we can't see. She's looking at something else in the store. What we don't know, is that she can hear every word that were saying. Now, I and Kevin are just going on and on.

Now this girl is trying to be polite, so she's doubled up with pain trying not to laugh. Then I guess she got to the point where she could no longer stand. But, like I say, we don't know about any of this.

You have to understand that in this part of the Orient its not polite for people to laugh at other people. People are also somewhat guarded with their opinions and feelings for others. There is a certain protocol that all abide by. So, if we were of that culture, we could be offended by someone laughing at our conversation.

Now the girl returns from upstairs with the stones, and notices that this girl is laying on the floor gagging.

She yells. "Help."

We run over and it appears to me as if the girl is trying to talk, but she can't. Her face seems all flush and red, as if she's having a high blood pressure attack or something.

The girl from the store than yells to me and says. "Give her mouth to mouth."

I gave her mouth to mouth, and then she seemed to revive. Now she starts to talk.

She explains. "I am fine, I just had a laughing fit."

Kevin then says to her. "What were you laughing about?"

Then she explained. "I overheard heard your conversation and I was afraid that you would think that I was rude if I laughed. So, I tried to hold back from laughing. But the two of you just kept getting funnier and funnier. So finally, I fell to the floor doubled up with pain from trying not to laugh."

I looked at Kevin and said. "Wow, its not just sailors that find us funny."

Kevin said. "Gee. I thought all those guys that said they were laughing so much, that they got sick to their stomachs were just putting us on."

I said damn Kevin. "You could get people sea sick on land."

Now she starts laughing again, but she's not trying to hide it. She thanks me for saving her life, after I and Kevin, almost killed her with our comedy routine.

She says. "Come with me. I know where you can get the stones you want."

She ushers us into this waiting limo with a driver standing there to open the door for her.

She says to the driver. "They are my friends."

Then she tells him where to drive to.

So, I'm thinking. "Well she rented a limo for the day. But I wondered why the driver kept calling her Princess. But I thought maybe he calls all the pretty girls Princess."

We get to the store. Kevin finds a stone he likes. Then the girl quotes him a price. While he's thinking about the price, the girl were with whispers in the shopkeepers ear, and then the shopkeeper quotes Kevin, half that price.

Kevin says. "Its a deal."

We leave the shop and get back into the limo.

Kevin says. "Where are we going?"

She says. "You two made me laugh again, so I want to take you home for dinner."

The limo stops, and I'm thinking. "This is home."

Its an incredible Mansion with an enormous swimming pool, and servants seem to be everywhere.

We have a great dinner and a great conversation. The vibes are unreal. We have a few after dinner drinks and then Kevin dozes off on the chair.

She laughs, and asks. "Did I put your friend to sleep?"

I laughed and said. "No its married life. Ever since he got married, he just can't seem to stay awake past midnight."

She then asks. "How bout a dip in the pool?"

I smiled and said. "Sounds refreshing, but I didn't bring a bathing suit with me."

She smiled and said. "Neither did I."

We headed to the pool, and it was quiet and tranquil there. As she removed her top, I couldn't help but stare at very endowed breasts.

I said."You have nice seized breasts for a Thai girl."

She smiled and said. "That's because I'm not a Thai girl. Didn't you notice that I never bow?"

Laughing I said. "I'm not the most observant kind of guy."

Smiling she said. "You just notice nice seized breasts. Do you like what you see?"

As she slid out of her skirt I said. "Oh yeah, that's the way I like it.

She ran her hands down my chest and said."You're very muscular. Do they make everyone in America like you?"

I laughed and said. "I was the last one they made like this."

That night, there was a full Moon out, and it was quite romantic.

We swam around the pool for a while and then embraced. It felt wonderful as her breasts pressed against my chest. As my hands slid down her shapely thighs, I started to lust with arousal. I had only known her for a short while, but it didn't seem that way.

I thought to myself. "Is it all the booze I had thats giving me this dreamy feeling?"

As I felt her hands start to slide down my waste, I realized that she wanted to do moore than just smooch.