Well last night me and Tiana went to the fireworks in town as there was some triatholon on so that was great, Tiana had a ball seeing all them going off etc.  Afterwards when we came home I chucked her into bed as shes been quite wheezy today so will have to take her to the doctors today.

Anyways G came over, to do some work on the computer.  I was fine with that as he doesnt have a good computer.  I had a bath while he was doing work, and then l lay in my bed playing with myself.  I dont know what came over me but l sent him a text basically saying l would love for him to come threw and join me.  Well within minutes he had come threw and stripped off to nakedness.  He helped me to orgasm and then we had sex, it was so great making love to him again.  But l have to decide in myself what lm wanting at the moment lm letting this man control how lm feeling.  I told him straight the way it was, l didnt want a relationship (Utter bullshit) that l just wanted friendly sex (some of that is true).  But the thing is he knew how l felt as l gave him another letter l wrote to him during the week, l wasnt intending for him to see it but silly old me forgot to take it out of the printer tray.

Here is what l wrote....

G,

When l was with you l felt like one person,

One person who could concur the world,

A person who knows what love is and what it is to love again.

I want to feel this person everyday of my life,

To feel that love you´ve given me

But l just can´t do it

I sit here listening to the waves as they crash into shore, wondering of you. I watch as the rain streams slow and wonder are you watching the rain drops to. I long for you to be beside me, embracing me.

I want to be able to look into your eyes and see the soul I've come to know. I hear your voice, but I long to see the expressions as you speak. I sit here trying to find you and hearing only the waves as they crash into shore.

My love for you is so real,

I want to dance with you at night, while remembering what we´ve had in life.

To call you daring and sweet heart till we die.

To cry together when the times are hard, yet smile when they are great.

To look over photos of our years together.

To sit with you, holding hands and remembering what we´ve had

But we just can´t have it.

So he knows what lm wanting but hes also knowing that lm accepting l cant have what l want.

Whats to happen from here no one knows but god above us.

I want him in my life but l dont in other senses.