On my second to the latest entry, i wrote about my big brother and how much i am dying to see him again... how much i am longing to dismissal times when he will be at the door, waiting for me and the walks together... the way he hugs me when i get scared of monsters at night... the way he would tell me that i'm his angel and that i should not be afraid..

i am soooo crying at this moment! i miss you kuya... i love you so much!!! i want you to be here, i want you to listen to me again, to talk to me again... i want to feel your hugs when i need some comfort in my life! kuya i need you!!! i want you back here!

you are the most special big brother in the world... you died when you told me you'd wait for me to get home but when i got there, you're gone! you did not even say goodbye... ate esa is as hurt as much as i am... we want you back here... if only you could be... i just wish i could bring you back... you see, living without you to lean on for the past 9 years of my life was like living a day always longing for something that can never be brought back to life! do you know how hard it is for me to realize every night that you're gone? that you're dead! dead! dead i say! and i can't face up to that fact... i don't want to!

this song is entitled, "i wanna go to a place"... wherever you are, i just hope you can take a look at it and know that this song is made for you... although i did not write it, it was made for us.

I wanna go to a place where i can say
That i'm all right and i'm staying there with you
I wanna know if there could be anyway
That there's no fight, and i'm safe and sound with you

And every time i look, i thought you were there,
But it was just my imagination
I don't see it anymore cause i see thru you now

Ima demo kizukanai deshou kono shizukana sora ni
Itsu demo omoidasu kedo mou doko ni mo modorenai

Soshite zutto kokoro de samete sotto kizuite
Itsuka kitto yasashisa miete kuru youni

What's stopping me? i get stuck again
Is it really ok? it's never ok for me
What's got into me? i get lost again
Is it really ok? it's never going to be

Soshite motto sagashite mino mae ni kitsuite
Ashita wa kitto kazamu kimo kawaru youni
Kaze ga sotto sasayaku ugomiki no wa kono daichi
Mayowa nai de yasashisa mieteku youni

And every time i look, i thought you were there,
But it was just my imagination
I don't see it anymore cause i see thru you now

I wanna go to a place where i can say
That i'm all right and i'm staying there with you

it's so hard. but i have to let go of you now... i need to set you free as you have always did to me... but i will always cherish all our memories in my heart.