okay... so i've been really bugged by all the stress i'm getting. stress i'm getting at home, stress brought by the courtesy of those so-called friends of mine... myself... argh! i don't know how i can stand all this!

i spent my day, coping with excessive boredom and exaggerated thoughts about how life is so unfair. i spent my day hogging the computer, going online and doing my project, ocassionally pausing to eat junkfood and doesn't even bother to take a bath. the cycle is repeated about seven times today and out of three projects, i have accomplished two. not bad for my expected progress. and now, i am trying to watch t.v. (take note, the t.v. is behind me) while i am typing this and i am seriously keeping my fingers crossed that i will not get a stiff neck later on.

as i do these, thoughts bombard my brain and i must say i am not thinking clearly now. i can't get the thought of my mom leaving this friday out of my head. i am not that close to my mom during this year since my parents are already separated. it hurts that i am regretting all the days i could have went to her house after dismissal and try to sit and talk. but my mom is a very busy woman... same as my dad. every time i would muster an effort to have a talk, she'd eventually space-out and tell me that we can talk some other time. well maybe that's the reason why i chose to go home to my grandparents where my granddad will always be willing to listen to me. maybe i just missed my mom so bad that i chose to just hide in my own world and let her come in only when she will bother to knock. it was my mistake. i shouldn't have given up in reaching out to her... and now she will be gone for about three years... meaning she will miss some important turning points of my life.

my prom nights...

my high school graduation...

my first college enrollment...

and every other day i am wishing i should have spent more time with her.

yeah, it's just natural... my dad's going to canada anyways and i will feel as empty as i am feeling now. my granddad said that it's the way things should be... my parents don't agree on anything and i can't force them to even try for me and my brother's sake. it's unfair for me but i would not want to be as unfair as them. i know they're trying to make it up and i am not neglecting that effort of theirs... but still i wish they would see that i don't really need the money, i need my parents. i need to feel that my accomplishments are being appreciated by the people i dedicate it to.

promises are made to be broken and dreams are made to be crushed but i won't let that happen to me.