melancholic reminiscent

once again, i start to cry...

looking up at this vast, dark sky, memories of you flood my mind

my cold and barren heart left in misery

i close my eyes

trying desperately to decipher my thoughts

these random thoughts sifting through my soul

getting the best of me

yet my efforts are left in vain

still, the tears fall down

uncontrollably

i must say i lost control

i am left with no strength nor interpretation

i shift my glance and stare at the mirror

your face just came into view

how can that happen? i ask myself...

you never stood beside me, yes... you never did.

you think you can manipulate my way of thinking

i hate to break it to you but you got that fact wrong.

i won't let you do that.

you always think you know what's right!

sometimes, i just want to walk up to you

confront you straight to your face

tell you how much i hate you

how much i resent the fact that you exist

and that you just can't get your own life and get off mine...

every day i act like nothing's wrong

and i seem fine.

yet deep inside all i wanted to do is run away.

from you.

from them.

from everybody.

i want to go to some place where no one knows me

no one cares

no one will point out my mistakes nor try to hurt me

nor try to break my fragile heart and shatter my lost and weakened soul... i am miserable.

i am cold.

desperate to get out.

i hate you.

do you hear me?

do you see me?

well, i like myself and i don't care if you don't.

you're not that good.

you're a LIE.

everyone's a LIE.

a lie i am forced to live with everyday.

a lie i am forced to accept.

a lie i am forced to take as my own fault.

you are the problem here, you see.

i just hope you can feel my rage...

see how much happiness it could bring me if you'd just die.

yes, you read that right.

it will bring me much pleasure.

'cause i don't wanna see your face.

i don't wanna hear your voice.

i'm sick and tired of playing your game and putting up with you.

you and your friends.

i am so tired of taking the blame of the things i never did.

i'm taking a stand.

against you

you and your twisted mentality.

you and your artificial and surreal world.

you and the people who are exactly like you.

yes, i hate you.

i hate you so much but not as much as i hate myself for trusting you...treating you kind...and befriending you.

you said i betrayed you...

but you just switched the fault on me...

the fault that is rightfully yours... yours alone!
you betrayed me

you killed me

i hate you

i don't care if you hate me.

i don't care what you do.

i don't care what you think...

i don't give a damn about you...

this time, you'll pay.

you shall break in the exact same way that i did because of you.

september 30,2006

i still hate you

and i'll always do.