2/13/2008
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may nararamdaman ako.
I am feeling something. Something bad, that is. Kasi... natatae ako. Alam mo yung pakiramdam na you really want to let it all out pero nahihiya ka kasi syempre you're at school and you're not the only one who would be spending time at the comfort room and so you've got to exercise courtesy to not let the CR smell like one hell of a crap. Nakakabwisit. Hahaha. Buti nalang may jacket ako kasi airconditioned pa itong cybernook sa gox.. hehe.
Well anyway. Yun lang yung nararamdaman ko. I feel so sluggish and lazy and unusually unhappy today. It's like I'm just trying my best to appear like my usual self pero sa totoo lang, tinatamad akong tumawa. Nakakasawa magpaka-isip bata at maging masaya. Feel ko ngayon maging seryoso pero I hate it when people ask questions like "bakit? anong meron? ano nangyari sayo? malungkot ka?"... nakakaburat kaya yung mga ganon.. then you would have to explain and blahblah.. gaaaah bullshit. I was with my friends kanina, it was fun.. pero... parang super pagod ako.. It's like I feel that my life is sooooo redundant. Monotonous. Bullcrap. Gets? Parang black and white lang yung buhay ko, going through the same stuff, putting up with the same shit, restraining myself from doing something I would regret in the end, being me and not being me... Magulo. Kailangan ko lang siguro ng tulog... Matulog nalang kaya ako forever? *drama* Joke. Nakakatamad!!! Hindi naman sa I'm wishing na may iniisip ako like may pinoproblema ako para malibang naman ako.. Noooo.. I like it better this way, walang problema, walang iniisip aside from school work... tahimik lang... masarap yung feeling na nothing bothers you pero kasi... in truth, I am still bothered... kung bakit ako ganito... ang weird ko... parang wala lang.. gusto ko nang umuwi. I miss my dog. I miss my grandparents. I miss my room. I miss my iPod. I miss the kitchen. I miss the TV. I miss the phone. Fine, I miss my brother. I miss my dad. I miss my mom. I miss the fresh air back home. I miss the feel of the electric fan and the sound of it 'cause I'm getting tired of the sounds of the aircon. I miss everything back home. I am loving my life here in Manila but still.. I wish home was just a pedicab ride away...too bad it's a fuckin' 3-hour bus ride!!! goddamnit. Aaaahhh gets. So yun pala. That's why I feel so monotonous and unproductive.... Nahohomesick ako!!! hehehe. Dami ko pang sinabi. Dami ko pang drama... yun lang pala. |
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